Respawning again

[The Ox King]

Hi, it's me... again... again...

I've been in a downward mental spiral again, set off by rapidly increasing weight, which seems to have been (ironically?) set off by getting back into working out. 

For those who don't know, I'm Matt, 33M, ADHD, depressed, anxious, etc.

 

I lost about 100 pounds from Jan 2016 to June 2017, most of which was done between Sept 2016 and March 2017. In early 2018, I was at my lowest weight, but had been slowly coasting since June 2017. About mid-2018, I gave up my weight loss journey in search of enjoying life. The problem was that I had developed orthorexia, dysmorphia, and was spending upwards of 5 hours in the gym, 6 days a week. I felt that I was eating, working out, sleeping, working, or meal prepping. I didn't socialize, I felt like I had to ignore people to keep up my "good" habits, and I was just overall not happy. After that, I started believing I "deserved to eat" bad food or taking a rest day. Eventually, that lead to overall poor eating and not working out at all, which lead to regaining most of the weight.

 

In October 2021, I was back, about five pounds shy of my highest weight. Since then, I've lost about forty pounds. I'm intent to lose the weight in ways that keep it off and keep me healthy. I'm learning more and more about the long-term positive effect exercise has on the body and mental health. Also, I'd like to live past 70. Much of my family on my mom's side died in their early 60's or earlier. I'd like to enjoy my retirement. Overall, I'm just trying to find that balance between what I want to do and what I need to do, and finding how I can cross the streams. Feel free to ask me anything.

[The Most Loathed]

Welcome back again.
 

Props on having a ton of will power to do all of that work. Those are truly impressive accomplishments. It sounds like you have all the knowledge and willpower to achieve your goals and now it’s time to work on finding that happy balance.

 

FWIW, I’m learning a bit of that myself right now. While my accomplishments are trivial next you yours I just wrapped up a stage of weight loss and am also trying to figure out how I just live at a weight without planning and executing every little thing are taking all the guard rails off and going back to the diet that hit me where I was.
 

So, you’re not alone, a bunch of us are working on this and we’re all finding different things that work for us. The NF community is great one for trying to find balance and how to live life in a renovated body. I hope you stick around and join in the conversation.

[cd667]

Hello mate,

 

I am from your neurodivergent tribe, so I can relate to much of that. Have you got help for the ADHD? Accountability is the best thing for me to avoid burnout.

 

There is a lot to be said for asking for help, and despite what we are all told there is no shame reaching out for help if we need it. It certainly isn't weakness - anyone who has achieved what you have in spite of the things you carry around is strong and capable.