Help me help my mom

[Kristen]

My mom finally decided it's time to lose some weight. Awesome! I don't entirely agree with her method, but I'm 100% behind her goals. I'm just not sure how to offer the support she needs.

She joined a women's weight loss gym, complete with diet plan and a coach that she meets with every week. They do a good mix of strength training and cardio, sounds great. But the diet... it's crazy. It's one of those phase diets, starts off extremely low fat, then tapers back to a more balanced diet for maintenance. I disagree with both the low fat and the phase approach, but whatever. If it works, it works. And it's temporary.

I have a very bad habit of jumping in and saying "No, no, no you're doing it wrong!" but I can't do that here. I can't discourage any attempt at exercise. My mom has tried so many diets, and failed at losing weight, because she didn't exercise. And now she's on this plan that encourages her to move more, even if the diet advice is a little misguided. And that's a good thing!

Any ideas for how to support my mom? I'd like to try to eventually push her toward a more balanced, sustainable, permanent change, but if this program helps, I'm all for it.

[rtalencar]

The most important thing is patience. You can't force a person to change, even if it seems blatantly obvious to you. You'll likely do more harm than good if you try. Celebrate the successes and be supportive through the failures. If she reaches out for advice or an opinion, then give your $0.02.

[bigm141414]

It is always difficult when dealing with parents who want to make a change. For some reason they are always stubborn. Here are my suggestions:

1) Positive reinforcement.

With most diet and exercise changes people, and parents want to have other notice their change. Start off small and don't be too enthusiastic with the praise as it may give a bad impression. Be honest with what you say. Don't sugar coat it. (e.g don't say "OMG you look fabulous!" when she has only been doing it for 2 days )

2) Actively engage in fitness/diet discussions

Go beyond showing an interest. Ask her how the diet is going, how she feels, how the workouts are progressing. Get her comfortable in talking to you about it. After a while try offering minor suggestions. Ask her about her long term goals and if she feels this is sustainable. Get her to track her changes either with pictures (very helpful and encouraging) or with a little notebook of measurements and stats. You could help her do this if she doesn't want to take it on herself. Always nice to look back and be able to see a difference.

3) Lead by example.

The biggest thing you can do once you have gotten to the point where it is comfortable dicussing her goals is to be an example of a sustainable life style. Show her, not just tell her, what has worked for you. Encourage her to experiment with the things that you have tried in order to find a fit in her own life.

Bonus points if she is competitive. I find competition can spur many people on in the beginning (hence the success of the 6 week challenges here at NF).

[IfItPlugsIn]

Bigm's right. I'd also add that parents are often stubborn because they don't want to take advice from their kids (kids are supposed to look up to their parents, not the other way around). A few things I've found with my own mom, is to plant the seed of an idea, then let them think they came up with it on their own - don't force your opinion on them. Mention something in passing, or during a fitness/diet discussion, and then leave it there for her to think about on her own.

Provide sources to back up your opinions. My mom likes to research things. I'll shoot her a quick email that says, "I found site xyz.com... I think the doctor has some valid ideas. What do you think?" That way, again, you're giving the info, not forcing it, and letting her opinion count. Also, then it's the doctor that's smarter than her, rather than you.

I'm lucky that my mom is open to non-traditional ideas, likes to research things, and is pretty logical. We also have similar points of view on diet basics, so I don't usually have to fight her too much.

[GreenEyesBright]

Its great to support your Mom! You might consider finding activities you two can do together fitness-wise. "Hey Mom, I've been thinking about checking out this State Park, want to tag along?" Or "Hey want to do a 5k walk for Diabetes with me?"

I discovered my mom had an adventure streak when we took a small road trip together and visited Craters of Diamond State Park.

Spending those days with my mom ended up being incredible as she shared stories about the adventures she used to go on. All these years and I never knew my mom used to scuba dive for treasure. Oh the stories she told.

Another way is to say "Hey Mom I'm proud of you for losing 15lbs. How about I treat you to a pedicure?" Little boosts like these go a long way!

Sent from my MB860 using Tapatalk 2

[morethanjustamom]

My mom tends to follow along with whatever I get excited about, so just talking about a new fitness adventure is usually enough to get her interested (Mom, I've been lifting weights and I've dropped a clothing size!).

We've run 5ks together, lifted together, and even though we don't live close enough to go to the gym together, I text her about her workouts (are you at the gym yet? It's 6:30 am!) and we often talk about food, nutrition, etc.

[Kristen]

Thanks guys!

My mom is doing well. She has dropped a few pounds, and definitely feeling better. I've been asking her about the workouts, the diet, keeping it all positive. While I can't go to the gym with her (it's a "club" thing) or do the diet with her, I'm going to try to be as involved as possible for the next 2 weeks while I'm here. And of course, call her up often while I'm away.

I'll encourage her to take measurements. I know they have weigh ins at the gym, but I'm not sure if they track anything else. She also has health issues that will probably resolve or improve with some exercise and weight loss, so that's something to track, too.

[Tola Seng]

Kristen,

It's commendable that you want to help your mom and actively seeking out the best ways to do it.

I agree with Bigm,

I find that leading by example is the best way to get your parents - or anyone for that matter to do something. One of the greatest moments I had was when my mom approached me to help her get-in-shape.

At this point, your mom is already going out on her own and finding her own solutions. You got what you want - just give her your support.