Looking for some motivation!

[So Late So Soon]

Hey everyone, for the past 2-3 weeks I have been finding it increasingly hard to motivate myself to eat properly and get up and exercise. I started on my fitness journey in late December of last year at 225 pounds. Since I've really dedicated myself to getting fit I haven't had any real problems self motivating and having the willpower to eat very strict paleo(when it is reasonable) up until about 3 weeks ago. I'm not really sure why i'm having such a hard time recently but I think one big reason is that i don't give myself credit for accomplishing anything. In about 5 months I've been able to lose 40-45 pounds but all I can think about is that I could have pushed myself harder or I could have ate better and lost more weight and been more healthy. I even went back and reread a word doc that I made for my new years resolutions where I said I want to "lose 20 pounds this year" which I completed in about 3 1/2 months and all I can think about is that i didn't set the bar high enough for myself.

Another thing that I find myself doing all too much is comparing myself to other people. Whenever I see someone who is better off than me or who is doing better than me in something all I can think about is that i'll never be able to get to where they are. I've always been like that but lately it has been occurring a lot more than I would like. It just seems like I've run out of whatever it was that was fueling me this far and I don't know what to replace it with and I refuse to give up now after I've come this far but I really just don't know what to do.

Sorry that was so long and thanks if you read the whole thing.

[Tola Seng]

Hey So Late So Soon,

First of all, congrats for such an amazing amount of weight loss in such a short period of time. If you can't give yourself credit - then I'll give it to you!

I'm going off a hunch here, but I think you're hitting the surface of something of a much larger scale than simply a lack of motivation. It's something that affects the entire human race - a phenomenon of the human condition.

You see, the human mind is never satisfied. We're constantly seeking, constantly judging, constantly striving. Once a goal is attained and doesn't give us the satisfaction we thought it would, we search for another goal. It's a continuous cycle of wanting, being unsatisfied and wanting more. Our search for happiness, our quest to find the "one" thing that will make us happy once-and-for-all. You see examples of this phenomenon all around us - just look around.

This is the very condition of the human mind - the very thing that everyone feels - yet everyone struggles with - the very thing that religions try to help us cope with.

Here's the deal. More motivation, more goals, more things you think you need to "add" and "replace" and "fuel" yourself, won't help you. Because it's just going to continue the cycle.

The real solution, the real answer is to drop all of that. Be content and happy and satisfied in the present. Your search for "external" sources of motivation and fuel will never be enough. Real "fuel" and "fire" and "passion" comes from within yourself. When you're happy with who you are, you will no longer compare yourself to other people. You will be able to give yourself credit and appreciate your work and achievements.

Alright, easier said than done. In my opinion Buddha had the most practical solution - so my suggestion is to stop searching for an external motivation or a solution, and just meditate. Quiet your mind. Be still. Reflect and Inquire. You may be surprised at what happens when you stop "grasping" and "searching" and just observe and allow.

Okay, if I'm way off base on this, then...uh- forget what I wrote.

[Relic]

some things that have helped me...

the grading aspect of the challenges (life is not pass fail)

looking foward to the next challenge (if you set the bar too low then congradulate yourself and start planning your next challenge)

If you have those negative thoughts then tell yourself a positive. Out loud if you have to and as often as possible.

Deadlift. Seriously, it's great. If you can, then do it. Or learn about any new exercise and train it for awhile.

[tigersheart]

So sorry to hear you are having troubles!

I think Tola Seng has a very good perspective. It is so easy for us to never be satisfied with what we accomplish. You lost 40+ pounds...but oh no, that was not good enough, you should have pushed yourself more! That is what your mind tells you.

Well stop it! yeah, easier said than done, trust me I know.

REMEMBER THIS: This is a JOURNEY! The destination is not important, because once you get there, you will find yourself off again on another journey. That is a good thing, it means you are not on any schedule unless you want to be. It means that you do not have to worry if you lost to much, or not enough.

I know the comparing issue, it sucks and is not easy to get over. Remember this, comparing is fine, as long as the person you compare yourself to is YOU.

I have a comparison for you. This person called So Late So Soon weighed 40lbs more than you do now in late December of last year, but look at you now!

Remember to take things one step at a time, and unless you plan on training for a fight, a race, a bodybuilding competition, or something like that, there is no reason to 'lose more in shorter time'. Take it one step at a time, and enjoy the small changes that end being really big ones before you know it

[Kewilson]

Let's recap with an objective eye:

1) You're doing awesome, there's no reason to be down about your progress.

2) You set an ambitious goal for yourself for all of 2012, then more than doubled it by six months.

3) Suppose you from six months ago met the present you. He'd probably think he "can't ever be where you are". And he'd be wrong. So why do you assume you're right when you think the same thing now?

4) If you feel the need to compare yourself to other people (and who doesn't?), remember this: Most people don't set goals as ambitious as yours. Even fewer actually achieve them. Only a rare few will exceed them to the extent that you have.

5) Based on the above, it's simply factually incorrect to consider yourself anything other than a complete, ongoing success.

Despair is a poor substitute for clarity and focus. Take the emotion out of it, especially the nagging self-doubt and pessimism. Know what you want to do. Figure out how to do it. Give it your best effort. Adjust as necessary.

[ETFnerd]

wow, i'm so impressed by the quality of the responses... i agree with all of you...

i always thought that if you aren't happy with yourself on day one, you won't be happy on the day you achieve your goals... there is a physical journey and and a concurrent psychological journey... you can't just work on the physical and expect that everything else will work itself out...

you have to fight hard for all you get in life... i think you need some goals to get better in terms of achieving your center... this means loving yourself inherently because of who you are today... that doesn't mean you need to be satisfied today, but just know that you have every tool necessary within you to become whatever you want to be... for that you should love who you are...

good luck bro...

[Artinum]

In about 5 months I've been able to lose 40-45 pounds but all I can think about is that I could have pushed myself harder or I could have ate better and lost more weight and been more healthy. I even went back and reread a word doc that I made for my new years resolutions where I said I want to "lose 20 pounds this year" which I completed in about 3 1/2 months and all I can think about is that i didn't set the bar high enough for myself.

This is actually a good thing. We often learn more from our failures than our successes, and this is a good example. Not the weight loss - which is fantastic work, by the way - but the goal setting. Your target was not challenging enough; you failed to set a good goal. Well done on that. You now have a much better idea of what you're capable of, and now you'll set better, more challenging goals.

I have a screwy way of looking at the world. :-)

Another thing that I find myself doing all too much is comparing myself to other people. Whenever I see someone who is better off than me or who is doing better than me in something all I can think about is that i'll never be able to get to where they are.

I went through this myself for some time. So many things I've never done because I'm not as good as other people - like music. I know my way around a piano keyboard but I'm far from fluent. It's the musical equivalent of asking directions to the beach. I know with practice and effort I could fix that. But I hear friends play, or watch Elton John knock up something in ten minutes, and I feel terribly demotivated. There's this yawning chasm between that and where I am now.

It took me such a long time to realise that other people don't matter. It's about what I want to do, how I get there and keeping moving in the right direction. If I could always keep that in mind I'd never be demotivated again!!

[Sambalina]

Fantastic replies so far!

I'll just add that if you're feeling a bit burnt out by all the effort you've been putting in, there can be a lot of benefit to just hitting 'pause' for a minute. You can stop driving to advance for as long as you need to to get some of your oomph back. Scale back to simply maintain what you've achieved and then when you feel ready, and maybe are more at peace with your awesome success, go hard again.

And, as Kewilson said

Based on the above, it's simply factually incorrect to consider yourself anything other than a complete, ongoing success.

You've done an amazing job - and YOU'RE the one who did it all!

[Wolverine]

I'll just add that if you're feeling a bit burnt out by all the effort you've been putting in, there can be a lot of benefit to just hitting 'pause' for a minute. You can stop driving to advance for as long as you need to to get some of you oomph back. Scale back to simply maintain what you've achieved and then when you feel ready, and maybe are more at peace with your awesome success, go hard again.

Excellent idea! I wish I had thought of it!

[cline]

All of you continue to be great! These responses are really great.

wow.