Just got to thinking about this

[MegaCarp]

You know, I'm really lucky to read about people's stories about how they overcame being overweight, bad habits such as smoking and lack of exercise, but the last few days I've been digging into myself and wondered, 'What about those with personal demons that keep them from leveling up?' I ask that because I'm one of those people, and my 'personal demons' shows up in multiple forms. What do I mean? For me, it shows up in my eating, how i respond to people in a workout (often times asking people not to encourage me because often times I'm too busy thinking 'I'm lazy, I'm only making mistakes, I'm taking too long'), and it shows up in how often I try to interact with people or interest in hobbies that might lead me to people (yes, I've turned down showing up to things because internally I didn't feel 'right'). I love how this community encourages those to their goals, but what if the goal is to get back to a spot where you can have goals again? This is probably one of the toughest messages I've ever written because I'm stepping out, taking a chance, and saying there's more to Nerd Fitness than diet and exercise (and cute animals/pictures) and maybe I've glossed over that here (not intentionally, I assure), but I guess I look at myself and what I deal with semi-daily, and realize that despite all the awesome people I know (I'm claiming LorenWade as the most awesome dude I know...but thats a story for another time)

I'm sorry if I've upset anyone, stepped over any lines (sorry Mods, you know I respect all of you), but what if there's more to us Nerd Fitness rebels than just telling us to pick up that weight, run that lap, or put down that pie? Thanks

[airen123]

Completely relate. Yesterday, I downed a bag of Smarties and felt sluggish when I went for my lifting session. My heart just wasn't in it, so I walked out of the gym early then went home and had some wine with dinner.

I find that if your outlook on all of it as a lifestyle change that is for forever, rather than a temporary diet/exercise stages you'll tend to do much better. Like, I know that my "bad day" yesterday won't throw me off forever, y'know?

We all have our demons...

[llsoszynski@gmail.com]

Can completely relate too. I try to talk to people about it (mainly my husband, because other than that I don't really have anyone- save from NF) but no one really understand what I'm going through. I feel the same way when I'm at the gym in a session, I feel like I'm doing pretty well, then I'll just get this pang of "give up" or "you're not doing it right" "you're gunna hurt yourself" or especially "you look like a man" which is really hard to deal with and I have to push those thoughts aside and just keep going. I never feel like I'm doing anything right. But working out is the only thing that I enjoy right now and it keeps me occupied.

I guess.. and coming from someone who knows how you feel.. the hardest/easiest thing to do is to ignore yourself and just go. I know this isn't easy, I've been there, and still am on a daily basis. Thoughts of "what's the point" as to why I can't eat a certain thing.. or why I need to workout.. run.. but just ignore it and somehow convince yourself that there is a point. For me that was why I started this 6-week challenge, to give myself some sort of motivation. Even on here, though, I feel like "oh, no one likes me, no one cares what I do, why bother..." but I know that this and these people are what keep me accountable for myself.

Overall, you need to realize how strong your relationship with yourself really is. It's hard to see and hard to grasp, but the relationship you have with yourself is the strongest one you will ever have, and you are you're best friend, no matter how sad it seems sometimes. Only you can tell yourself that you're worth it and make yourself believe it. Sure, countless people can say it but if you're anything like me, you don't believe it when people tell you your good enough. And what's the point of "good enough" anyways? If you're going to be anything... you should be the best you can be.

Thanks for letting me rant, I hope this helped a little bit. But you are not alone.

[Georges]

Sometimes the /blog talks about motivation and whether someone is ready to make a change - a lot of people seem to ask Steve the "I know I ought to [some life improvement], but I just can't/don't want to [some necessary change for that improvement to happen]. What do I do?" question. And he always seems to say that if they're not ready to make the change, they have to accept that the improvement won't happen. And that kills me, every time, because I've been in that spot. I've also been in the spot when I am willing to make the change. And for the life of me, I don't know what the difference was, or how to move from one spot to the other, or what happened to move me back when that has happened.

So, I guess I don't have any advice or wisdom to help you, or me. But you are not the only one. And I can tell you what I've done to try to beat it, even though it's not necessarily a successful strategy. What I do is try to "live in the moment" when things are going well enough (for example, signing up for the 6-week challenge because things were going pretty well when it started). It seems to be self reinforcing. And when that slide back happens? It happens. I have no strategy, except trying to build some good habits when things are good and hoping that when things suck, some of those habits will be well-enough ingrained that I don't drop them, or at least, not completely. But sometimes I do. And it sucks, and no amount of Coldplay's "Fix You" can change it.

[Guest Snake McClain]

There is definitely more to nerd fitness than exercise, fitness and diet. We are "leveling up" our LIVES. that is an pretty all encompassing idea. I didn't have to overcome massive weight loss. I needed (and still need desperately) to gain strength. My numbers suck as far as I'm concerned. I am taking "too long" to reach some goals. I've stagnated but...still that's not what i'm getting at. What I mean to say is we all have things personally to overcome. mentally and emotionally. in our personal lives. I feel like sometimes my fitness level is a direct reflection of my mental state...or maybe it's the opposite. But honestly (and this is going to sound really retarded) but I have days when I say, "fuck the gym this is stupid. what's the point." and then I honestly think to myself, 'What my nf friends knew I was thinking this way or giving up on myself...or what about that potentially really great lady i might have or the kids i might have one day and if i don't take care of myself now i'd be letting everyone I know down. Or if I quit all my real life (like you guys aren't real???) would just say, "Yup. Another thing Snake McBruce gave up on." This community is a family as far as I'm concerned. Some of us never talk. Some of us know each other all too well. Some of us do nothing but goof around and joke with each other. But in the end we know that if we had to call someone and just say, "Hey man I'm having a really $#!% day." Someone...one of us. Is there to help and uplift each other. This is so much more than just "yo dawg go work out and do dem reps!". This is a community of friendship and love (my little pony style).

So if your goal is to get back to making goals...Cool man. Let's do this $#!%. If your goal is to just exist and try to maintain your mental health. Cool. let's do that too. If you just want to chat. well we have that as well.

And yes. Loren Wade is a cool son of a B***. (no insult to LW's mom intended).

much love gang.

[MegaCarp]

Okay, maybe I was being too 'vague' in my demons. So I'm going to put myself out there, practice some transparency, and yeah...probably get dirty. Okay, so ever since day one in this thing I call life, one might say I've been dealt kind of a crappy hand. I was born with no left hand and because of that a father who perpetually blamed himself for it and then separated himself from me. I grew up on a farm with 2 brothers, but due to my father's relationship with me, he never let me help about except to do the checkbook. Yea, its important, but in a way I was still separated. My brothers (who knew why) gained animosity towards me so for 16 years my life was full of physical and emotional abuse. My folks worked multiple jobs at crazy hours, so most of the time they weren't there. Going through that, and being told I can't, and that I have to be better than everyone else because I'm 'different' has had odd effects on me. Namely as mentioned above. For me, I tend to not let myself get close/get to know people because its always that 'What if they know?' or 'Maybe they'll think I'm busted stuff'. Also when people are going, 'I get where you are coming from', I just often think inside, 'They have no clue'. I've done counseling, but for me...my biggest venomous demon is separating the past from the here and now because the past has appeared in my here and now through my personality and actions. Once again, really tough subject, but trying to draw things to light.

[Guest Snake McClain]

Okay, maybe I was being too 'vague' in my demons. So I'm going to put myself out there, practice some transparency, and yeah...probably get dirty. Okay, so ever since day one in this thing I call life, one might say I've been dealt kind of a crappy hand. I was born with no left hand and because of that a father who perpetually blamed himself for it and then separated himself from me. I grew up on a farm with 2 brothers, but due to my father's relationship with me, he never let me help about except to do the checkbook. Yea, its important, but in a way I was still separated. My brothers (who knew why) gained animosity towards me so for 16 years my life was full of physical and emotional abuse. My folks worked multiple jobs at crazy hours, so most of the time they weren't there. Going through that, and being told I can't, and that I have to be better than everyone else because I'm 'different' has had odd effects on me. Namely as mentioned above. For me, I tend to not let myself get close/get to know people because its always that 'What if they know?' or 'Maybe they'll think I'm busted stuff'. Also when people are going, 'I get where you are coming from', I just often think inside, 'They have no clue'. I've done counseling, but for me...my biggest venomous demon is separating the past from the here and now because the past has appeared in my here and now through my personality and actions. Once again, really tough subject, but trying to draw things to light.

i promise you. i know exactly where you're coming from. not because i have one hand. but because i am also damaged and yes we have to repair ourselves. it takes time and it is hard. i have had a similar situation except i was perfectly able bodied to be involved in things that i was left out of. we all have our wounds and our damages. I would say just the fact that you are aware of these things means you're in the right direction to getting "fixed". or whatever. I deal with a lot of my b.s. on a daily basis and it has in the past carried into relationships and such. i'm doing my best not to let it creep in. I have to remind myself constantly that I am better than that old me. I am not who they thought I was, but I am who I know I am. My worth is determined by me not others.

you can change. every day. If that means you have to put on a "costume" every day and become someone else slowly until you are confident and become that person you want to be. Think Edward Norton in fight club. only less weird and more healthy. that's how I roll.

[Eatesalot7]

Totally understand!!!!!! Its a one day at a time thing.

One day, it hit me like a ton of bricks... this is my life, i have the right to live it how i see fit. I refuse to let circumstances i cannot control adversely effect my life. i only have one life & its going to be amazing. I looked through a ton of inspirational quotes ( let me know if you want some) ... but i had to realize what happened happened.i cant change it. I can only change from here on out. I refuse to short change myself. Why cant i have everything ive ever dreamed of? There is no answer to that.

I also had a great support system. Feel free to vent/ talk yo me. The view on the other side is glorious.

Realize you are worth fighting for... do it by little battles... and don't forget... often times we focus so hard on how far we have to ho that we miss how far we have come ...

Sent from my DROID RAZR using Tapatalk 2

[Georges]

Also when people are going, 'I get where you are coming from', I just often think inside, 'They have no clue'.

...And a lot of times, you're right.

For all that the human condition is universal, and we all have more in common than not, it's true that everyone is coming from a unique set of circumstances.

Fellow Rebels will always be here to support you, even if we don't know what you're facing. Even when you're still working out what you're facing. See also, Rule #1.

Once again, really tough subject, but trying to draw things to light.

I'm pretty sure that this ^ is an important part of your process.

[RaeVynn]

Part of the Rebellion code is we leave no one behind.

If you can't move forward, someone WILL sit with you, until you are able. We might take turns sitting with you, but you aren't going to be left alone here, or abandoned.

Take the time you need... and move at your own pace.

[Rivanariko]

Part of the Rebellion code is we leave no one behind.

If you can't move forward, someone WILL sit with you, until you are able. We might take turns sitting with you, but you aren't going to be left alone here, or abandoned.

Take the time you need... and move at your own pace.

I think is the most important thing here.

No one can say "I totally understand" because none of us have been through your exact situation. But we can guarantee to be there with you as you fight them. If you're not ready to move on to the next step yet, that doesn't mean you have to leave, it just means that you're not ready YET.

What helps me sometimes is to focus on TODAY. My demons are a different sort from yours, but I can tell myself "just for today, I'm going to get out of bed. I'm going to eat something. I'm going to move in some way. I don't know what tomorrow will bring, but just for today, I'm going to do what I can." Sometimes tomorrow is a bad day and I can't get out of bed. Sometimes it's an awesome day and I get a ton of things accomplished. But just for today, I can take one step. And that can be enough.

[ETFnerd]

hey rcarper, thanks for having the courage to put your story out in the open for us to see how one of >US< struggle day to day with the situations that we are in, in our lives. i'm not going to pretend to know what you went through in life, but i, like everyone else, had to overcome many things in order to get out of life what i wanted. my motto in the blogs is:"what have i overcome to work out today in order to work out today? everything".

it's a struggle to keep that promise that i made to myself that i will be there for my family, my loved ones, my frinds and myself every day. i used to think that being there for someone was doing things so meaningful that no one could top it, or it had to rock everybody's socks off... but i found that what people want is someone who is earnest, consistent, honest, loving and true to themselves. this, imho, is achieved by doing what you are supposed to do to the best of your ability as much as possible. if you're not that good at it today, work on it so that each day you get a little better.

i don't know you and maybe you don't want me to bro you, but bro, i consider you a fellow traveler because our lives intersected in our journey through life. just like i'd want people who run into me to be kind to me, i'd like to be kind to people i run into. i struggle with weight, laziness, base thoughts and acts in response to the perceived slights of others... but i try to apply myself to try to make tomorrow a little bit better than today... sometimes i succeed and often i fail... but the key to keep things moving in the right direction, in my mind, is to show up every day and put real effort into the things that matter to you... no matter what that is, because it is your life and we thankfully live in a free country...

best of luck to you and let us know how it goes for you...

[Unda]

You're right, we don't know where you're coming from and we don't get your situation. Frankly, very few people will and I think that goes for all of us with all of our demons, no one really understands you as you may understand yourself. That's the whole deal with being separate people. People are almost like islands, you might be able to see some of someone else's but you'll never see all of it, this doesn't mean that you can't build bridges between you and other people though. It doesn't mean that you can't say to someone that "hey, I don't get everything about you, and I've not been where you've been but I'd like to take you to where you're going."

To me that's part of what the rebellion is about, we don't care where you've come from, only where you're going to.

None of us can change the hand that we were dealt or the things that have gone before. That's gone and you can't change it no matter how much you dwell on it or hate it. The only thing that you can do is try to change what's coming, and yeah, you can't control the rest of the world but you can control you. So, in the theme of stretching my metaphors today, if your life is a boat it doesn't mean that just because you can't control the sea doesn't mean you shouldn't keep steering at the wheel.

I don't know if these words will affect you at all, but this poem always really helps me when I'm feeling like you describe so I'll share it with you and maybe it'll help.

Out of the night that covers me,

Black as the pit from pole to pole,

I thank whatever gods may be

For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance

I have not winced nor cried aloud.

Under the bludgeonings of chance

My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears

Looms but the Horror of the shade,

And yet the menace of the years

Finds and shall find me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,

How charged with punishments the scroll,

I am the master of my fate:

I am the captain of my soul.