So you wanna know my story? (warning-- long)

[Beckera]

Long story semi shortened : Got married young, had three kids in three years, divorced after twelve years of marriage and packing on 130ish pounds. I started working out and eating better the day my divorce was final.

I have worked for the last two and a half years almost to get to where I am. I am now 6o pounds lighter than when I started and a whole hell of a lot stronger, physically and emotionally, but I'm not done, I need to keep fighting.

My “why†has to be more tied into what I want out of life, my long term dreams, my goals, my aspirations in life. How can I possibly get excited, how can I possibly dedicate myself to something that I have not linked to the more important things I want out of life. Yeah, I want to fit into smaller jeans, but c’mon, when I lay back on my deathbed and think of the important things in life, am I really going to reflect back to the day I finally fit into a pair of skinny jeans? Maybe, but probably not.

I realized that my “WHY†are my larger life goals, the things I want, my dreams, and that weight loss is merely one tiny step, one tiny part of that “why.†A healthy lifestyle is merely a tool that will allow me to live longer and pursue the kind of active lifestyle I want. And I guess what I am saying is that somewhere along this journey I lost that perspective, and a little bit of myself, as well. I did ultimately come to view myself as a number on the scale and that was a measurement of success/failure that I clung too. And it was for that number that I worked the various programs, with the goal being to get skinny. And of course, I had other reasons “to improve my heath†and to feel better, but I completely lost what that meant or why it was important. Simply losing became the goal and, honestly, a shallow, unsustainable, and hollow one. No wonder I burnt out, no wonder I can’t find dedication. If someone at the end of my life asked, “and what did you do with your life?†and my answer was “I lost a lot of weight,†that would be really, really sad. And of course, not true, because I was a good mother, a good friend, a caring person, but in terms of the goals that I set for myself and carried out, if losing was my only goal, I would not be satisfied, because losing weight in and of itself is simply not enough of a “why.â€

Getting skinny is not going to take me to my goals and dreams, but it is a step towards them, not something I am simply doing for getting skinnys sake. At the same time, that being said, there are a lot of other steps/transformations that I need to be doing at the same time I am working my towards my weight loss goals. My weight loss is not my lifelong dream, it is a step towards the kind of life I want, but that life is not going to be magically waiting there for me once I hit goal. Larger dissatisfaction’s are not just going to melt away cause I am skinny. Shaky relationships are not going to miraculously improve just cause I got skinny. My self esteem is not going to magically improve because I am skinny (it may improve some, but so far, it hasn’t). It just isn’t.

So, I have decided to go about this weight loss thing from a slightly different angle, not as a goal in and of itself, but as a step towards the larger things I want out of life.

My “WHY†is ultimately to be able to live the kind of life that I want to lead. I want to lead an active, fit lifestyle so that I don’t ever feel my age. I want to be spared the kind of health problems my mom had. I want to be happy and proud of myself.

[Mac McPherson]

Welcome to NF! My wife & son are a huge motivator for me...not being able to do things with them besides sitting on my ass watching tv is one of the things that kicked me into gear. Starting a dedicated exercise program has already boosted my self-esteem. We're proud of you for just being here, but we'll be even more proud when you're proud of yourself!

Take care & stay safe,

Mac

[Beckera]

Thanks Mac-- Read your intro too-- Good luck to you as well!

[Maledictus]

Good luck and welcome

[Beckera]

Thanks for the warm welcome.

[Skirler]

Welcome to NF, Beckera. One thing I work hard to remind myself of is that the only thing you can about a person from his or her weight is: his or her weight. it has NOTHING to do with fitness level or level of health. Since you seem to be focusing on health and fitness, your body will eventually end up in its healthiest, fittest state, regardless of what any scale might say.

And if someone wanted to snark at you for whatever that scale might say, you'll be able to kick their arse. Bonus!

[tigersheart]

You know....you are right, whether you fit into skinny jeans or not will matter little on your deathbed..but what will matter is this:

The purpose of life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave with a well-preserved body, but rather to Slide in Sideways, completely used up, yelling and screaming, what a ride!

and to be honest...sliding in sideways, being in shape and able to do whatever you want at anytime without having to huff and puff and strain....is WORTH IT!