Sugar is my kryptonite

[Blondie]

I was born to a mom with gestational diabetes - I've been hooked on sugar ever since. Babysitter gave me coke when I was 3, I was a latchkey kid with free access to the sweets in the pantry and I have been overweight since I was at least 8. I was an athletic sort though, when I was 12 I was a sprinter for my school and did hurdles and shot-put. I enjoyed being strong and built some hefty legs. Then I moved, got depressed, low-self esteem,low energy. Turned to junk f ood then turned to drinking and pot and laziness. Sugar remains my last comfort, friend, and soother of the bunch. I have come a long way. I left my abusive marriage 5 years ago, quit smoking 4 years ago, tried vegan and lost weight but gained it back and then some. Married a sweetheart, then discovered my daughter was being abused by her biological dad. 3 years of hell that has been and it has helped the stress stay high and the fat stick around. (excuse or reason? You be the judge.)

I'm now trying paleo and sugar is so hard to give up. I gave up bread, rice, pasta and don't miss it. I don't buy groceries in boxes or bags usually. But for me, its sugar. sugar. sugar. A slice of cake over there, a frappacino here. Mostly when I am stressed, bored, restless, upset, needing soothing or comfort. I hate it yet feel enslaved to it (I know I am not really enslaved, but it is harder for me to kick than cigarettes were and I smoked for 10 years.) I am also a vet - Air Force (don't beat me up). The Air Force was surprisingly (haha) not so good at whipping me into shape. I was in the fatso program and graduated only by getting pregnant. Good one Before I got pregnant was another skinnier time for me - I had lost about 10 lbs and 3 sizes and was doing pretty good. abusive relationship not withstanding.

I have always fancied myself a tough chick, but I have hardly ever backed it up by actually being physically tough. I think I come off flabby and bitchy instead. I'd like to be tough but nice. I have done kickboxing classes (one was fun, one was insanely too fast to do the moves properly and that was a turn off), spin classes, weight classes. I love classes but they're a bit of a crutch. The lifting class was more cardio than muscle building. I came here after reading about Staci (WOW!!!). I would like to do that! Lifting heavy weights for fewer reps speaks to my previous athletic experience (short & powerful bursts) and I really freaking enjoy it so far. I've done it 3 times now, making my own routine up based on what I feel like doing and what I already know. You could say I am a beginner-intermediate. I have always fancied myself a tough chick, but I have hardly ever backed it up by actually being physically tough. I think I come off flabby and bitchy instead. I'd like to be tough but nice.

I've also loved cycling and doing spin classes but after everything I've read about cardio made me stop a few months ago. I have a bicycle and I need to get the hell back on it. I live in the mountains and sometimes its tough just thinking about facing that terrain.

I am a nerd, yessirry. Do you need the full history? No, probably not. I am a school-type nerd. I love academics and I also love fantasy and the concessional Sci-fi (more on the fi side than the science side). I am studying to be a paralegal because I like using my brain. I did a year of WoW and I have a bit of a track record on Evercrack. I don't game any more though, that was an escape from my crappy former life. Yeah, I played D&D with my older brother just to spend time with him, I enjoy making up new characters more than acutally playing -- a trait that carried over to my MMORPG experience. I am a writer and love writing apocolyptic and fantasy stuff. I haven't written anything substantial in years thou.

I mentioned hubs and a daughter. He is awesomely paleo and his bod transformation has been inspiring. He went from skinny with a paunch in January to some well sculpted muscles and a flatter ab - he's still working on it too. My daughter is already healthy weight, and the grain-free (esp gluten free) life has helped her deal with the turmoil a lot better. We are teaching her some basic exercises too.

So do I have goals? Still working on them. Not sure what I want except to have way less flab and more muscle, drop down to a size 6/7 (for starters, because I've been there and I know I can get there again), to be able to cycle-commute 5 miles within 6 weeks on flat terrain, do 10 regular push-ups and 1 pull-up unassisted within 6 weeks and get up to 2-3 weight training sessions a week plus 2-3 cardio-training sessions a week. Right now I am:

Size 10-11ish, depending on the clothes

165 lbs

5 feet 5 1/2 inches tall

31 going on 32 Female

Warrior spirit, survivor, viking persona (I was an SCA member once, do you get nerdier? I think not.)

Squat 100 lbs @ 3 sets of 8 reps

Lunge - 20 @ 2 - 3 sets

Bike 2 miles in 15 minutes (with 1 major hill)

Back Row 25 lb @ 2 sets of 8 reps

Abs - 45 second plank, 30 second side planks x 2 sets each

Pull-up assisted by 65 lbs 8 reps

Easily irritable, on meds for depression, and supplementing like hell to get off the meds (no joy yet.) Is that enough about me? Sorry to be so lengthy, I told you I'm a writer I am glad to be here and hope to make some friends and camaraderie and have some people get in my face about not using the sugar anymore. I love NF so far!

You can call me Blondie... cos if I told you my real name I'd have to kill ya

[Ryan Sannar]

Congrats Blondie, way to take a step forward.

Keep up, Keep posting, we're here for you.

[GingerWarrior]

You sound awesome, Blondie! And your goals are awesome, too! =) We'll all be happy to have you here. Everyone is very supportive and extremely nice! I'm new here, too, so hopefully we can keep an eye out for each other.

[Blondie]

Thanks for the warm welcome! Ginger - keeping an eye out for each other sounds like a good plan

[tigersheart]

Welcome Blondie!

And good luck on your goals, just remember to take it one step at a time with the sugar. It can be EXTREMELY hard to get rid of things in your life, especially when they are so ingrained. But remember, this is a life long quest, and some things may take longer than others. Just keep at it, do not beat yourself up, and work on changing the habits you have built when you do get bored, stressed, or whatnot...yes I know, easier said than done, but you can do it

I have a question for you though on the sugar.....are you sure it is the sugar in the foods you want, or is it the taste, or the texture you are truly craving? Try experimenting and see if you notice any type of difference.

When you get that sugar craving, try taking a teaspoon of 'real' sugar, not an artificial sweetener, and eat it...does that satisfy the craving?

Next, get yourself some really sweet fruit. Here they have some 'extra sweet' strawberries they sell in different stores. When you get that sugar craving....eat some of those and see if you notice anything.

The last thing, I am not sure how to do....but when you get that craving, instead of reaching for that piece of cake, reach for something with the same texture, but without the sugar....no clue here on what that could be

The reason for the experiment is if you can find what that actual 'thing' is you are truly reaching for, it might be easier to learn how to switch it out with something that won't cause guilt. If it is just that really sweet taste, and you can replace it with something paleo but sweet...real honey, extra sweet strawberries, or something similar...you have just won half the battle!

[Blondie]

Wow, Tigersheart, that was a really helpful post. I have never even thought of it that way.

For me, a spoonful of sugar would not cure me. I usually crave sweets in a specific form. Ice cream. Frappacino (my current vice) or sweetened ice coffee vs unsweetened. A slice of cake or cookies.

I will have to explore alternatives and figure out if it is something else like the texture. All I know is that those things make me feel better. Yes, one habit at a time, knock out one thing at a time.

I have taken to replacing sugars with fats and I don't think that is going to help me lose weight either. IE - almonds when I want cake usually means I just ate 6 servings of almonds in one sitting.

Fruits can help, but its the emotional response that i most want to break.

[Raincloak]

Maybe you should see a counselor or therapist, if you haven't already. If you're on meds for depression, counseling is the other half of the equation, and a professional can really help you with identifying emotional behaviors and reprogramming them. (Look for a counselor that does "cognitive/behavioral" therapy for best results. Do not go to a psychoanalyst or other type, and make sure to pick one you can get along with.)

It's good that you have already noted your pattern and what sets you off. The simplest solution to stuff like ice cream is not to buy it or bring it into the house ... that takes a lot of willpower, but not as much as ignoring it when it is sitting in your freezer I know the feeling, trust me. You might also try buying only very small quantities, or buy a package and then give away most of it. You can't overeat what isn't there. When you do eat a sugary treat, take five or ten minutes to breathe, eat it reaaaallly slowly, and decide whether you are actually enjoying it, or just using it to distract yourself from some other thing.

[Blondie]

Hi Raincloak,

I'm doing therapy - its been mostly crisis-management for the last 3 years but she focuses more on CBT. We've talked about my eating issues and I know what the problem is - mindfullness is what I am trying to work on, and finding other ways to deal with emotions too. The last thing you said really hit home. When I go for treats I rarely make an experience out of it. For instance, frappaccinos at Starbucks. I go, I suck it down and it takes the edge off whatever I am feeling, which is enough to quell me. But, I did try sitting down and making a whole mindful experience out of my favorite treat last week. I sat down with it, savored it slowly, enjoyed it with some tea and no computer/phone distraction. It was very relaxing and pleasant.

I am discovering more of why I seek sugary treats as the cure all, but breaking it is another ball game and knowing why doesn't provide me the how-to that I need to do it. Sometimes I think I am making it harder on myself. Did the sugar addiction cause depression or vice versa? or neither?

[Lanalia]

Hi Blondie!

I'm new here too and this is my first post. I'm with you on the sugar cravings. I have no problem eating a super-healthy breakfast and lunch and a moderately healthy dinner, but put a plate of cookies or brownies in front of me and I want to EAT THEM ALL. It's something I've been battling for years. I've realized recently that if I'm craving something sweet after dinner (which is usually the case), sometimes a little bit of watermelon or other fresh fruit curbs the craving. I also found this amazing-sounding recipe that I want to try, and since your husband is paleo it might be good for both of you! http://everydaypaleo.com/2010/06/18/blackberry-cobbler/

I'm not paleo, but it sounds incredible and I already have the ingredients to make it using apples instead of blackberries.

I've also suffered from depression, and running regularly for 2 years now has pretty much kept it away. I was in a very dark spot a few years ago, and I'm a completely different person now.

[Blondie]

Hi Lanalia,

That's fantastic to hear about running keeping your depression away! I hope to be able to get off medication within a year and balance myself more naturally. Life has not been very supportive of that transition in the past few years, but I am tired of anti-depressants (do I feel depressed, no, but sometimes I don't feel anything. I don't like it)

I feel like being paleo has helped me survive the real severe cravings that normally come from diet changes. Really it is emotional. I was just reading about another person who has a struggle with these cravings over on Rebel Base Camp (Thread: Cravings.) I wonder if there is a way for all of us to help each other not jump off the deep end into a pool of ice cream.

Welcome to NF

[Blondie]

PS - I love the recipe - I like Everyday Paleo. I might make it, but i am trying to avoid even pretend sweets right now, they are a slippery slope.