I was gonna....

[Evicious]

You hear this phrase all the time: "I was gonna..." You hear it from your kids, your spouse, your boyfriend, your girlfriend, your coworker, your boss, your employee; you've said it yourself, too, I'd wager. But what does "I was gonna" actually mean?

It means very simply, "I didn't".

So why not just say, "I didn't" instead of "I was gonna"? Why do we replace the former with the latter? Because if we replied by saying, "I didn't" then we must follow up with a reason. And realistically speaking, 90% of the time our reason would boil down to simply, "I didn't want to do it." And that's a very hard thing to tell someone who was expecting you to follow through on what you said you'd do. It means we're admitting that we aren't reliable; that the other person can't trust our word. It also means that we're selfish; we're more willing to do what we want instead of what the other person asked of us.

That's why we substitute, "I was gonna" for "I didn't". Because "I was gonna" implies that we had every intention of doing what we said we would, but something came up that prevented it - and using this phrase, no one feels as though an explanation is necessary because clearly it wasn't your fault that it didn't get done. The other person may wish for an explanation, but how can they ask when you so obviously intended to do it?

No one likes to admit when they've flubbed up. Thus, the majority of people live their lives alternating between procrastination and panic; they just keep telling themselves and each other, "I was gonna" and nobody questions it. So long as everyone is lying to each other, where's the harm?

You can answer that question from personal experience as well I can, I'm sure. Next time you try to utter the phrase, "I was gonna" make an attempt to answer honestly instead and deal with the consequences of your inaction humbly. Fix yourself: because "I was gonna" won't actually get you anywhere.

[Razor]

This morning I walked into the kitchen to find an empty sink. Room-mate had just done the dishes, including mine. I was gonna do them this morning (He's military, wakes up super early).

I feel like, at least personally, "I was gonna" is different from "I didn't" because of intention. It doesn't mean you still don't need a reason, or that it's somehow an excuse. It's basically just the nice version of "I didn't." You say "I didn't" when you had no intention of doing so, and "I was gonna" when you had the intention, just not enough to prioritize it over other things you were going to.

When I say "I was gonna", I'm not lying. I don't think there's anything broken with saying the phrase. What's broken is the lack of communication between the two parties who obviously have different priorities between what they want done.

[Kishi]

That is some truth right there, that it is.

[Evicious]

This morning I walked into the kitchen to find an empty sink. Room-mate had just done the dishes, including mine. I was gonna do them this morning (He's military, wakes up super early).

I feel like, at least personally, "I was gonna" is different from "I didn't" because of intention. It doesn't mean you still don't need a reason, or that it's somehow an excuse. It's basically just the nice version of "I didn't." You say "I didn't" when you had no intention of doing so, and "I was gonna" when you had the intention, just not enough to prioritize it over other things you were going to.

When I say "I was gonna", I'm not lying. I don't think there's anything broken with saying the phrase. What's broken is the lack of communication between the two parties who obviously have different priorities between what they want done.

There are innumerable variations of situations where "I was gonna" most certainly does NOT fall into the category I described in my OP. Your situation appears to be just such an example.

If you had told your roommate the day prior, "I'll do the dishes" when he left the morning before and he came home to find the dishes still not done, well then... either you failed to do as he most likely anticipated (do the dishes that day) or you failed to communicate that you intended to the dishes at another time (the following morning, as perhaps your schedule was full for the rest of the day). Now, if you never said anything about doing the dishes and he did them himself, then decided to complain to you about it; that is a failure on his part for not communicating that he wanted you to do the dishes instead.

Either way, for your situation (and many others similiar to it) you are correct:

What's broken is the lack of communication between the two parties who obviously have different priorities between what they want done.

I didn't intend for this post to apply to every single situation where someone says, "I was gonna": I intended to call out the vast majority of times we say that phrase as a way of excusing ourselves for not doing the things we said that we would.

[Eurydice]

Weird - I don't think I ever hear (or say) "I was gonna" in any context that doesn't specifically involve an explanation as to why someone did one thing instead of another - e.g., "I was gonna go hiking this weekend but it was pouring out so I stayed home instead" or "I was gonna buy that shirt but I found a different one I like better." I never hear anyone say "I was gonna do X" and leave it at that unless the reason is obvious enough that it doesn't need to be stated. ("I was gonna go hiking this weekend," said to someone who lives in the same area and knows full well it was pouring rain.)

Sometimes I'll say "I was going to go to the movies but then I didn't." The "because I didn't feel like it" is implied but, I'd think, clear. There's nothing dishonest about it, and I'd have a hard time interpreting it as dishonest in other people, though I can understand it occasionally being disappointing.

[Avistew]

I feel pretty much the same as Eurydice. I can't imagine a context in which someone would say "I was gonna" and not finish with "but I didn't because...".

[SusieBlu]

I have had the "I was gonna..." described in the OP happen to me. Mostly when it came to my ex staying he was gonna do the lawn or clean something and 3 weeks later it still wasn't done. So it wasn't a number of something came up it was "I didn't becasue I didn't want to and now I am not going to do it because you are mad and nagging me that 3 weeks after the orginal request it is still not done" (True story)

I get that there are exceptions to the rule but the two groups I hear "I was gonna" From are my ex and my little brothers and sister. I can also remember saying it too to my parents.

[Animalben]

I think the OP's point is the procrastination "I was gonna" very guilty of that myself at home and in my personal life but when I was "I was gonna" at work well that I was damn sure gonna but didnt get the chance at the time of being asked