Any weary waitresses out there? i need a good laugh!!

[nadianeytiri]

I know this may seem like the most random question ever... But all I seem to do these days is work, exercise, eat right, shower, sleep... and do it all over again the next day! I have 2 jobs and put down a 45hr week in college simulataneously... it's not fun, but it pays and I REALLY appreciate the opportunity of being able to work (times are tough in Ireland right now:(). However, sometimes the days/weeks/months can get a bit monotonous after a while. So if you're out there, please share you funny stories, or motivational get-going tips you find help you get through those shifts, or even the f**k up's you've had in orders, i want to hear it all !!

I fell asleep on our vacuum cleaner Henry tonight... I'm not gonna lie, it was an ALL.TIME.LOW.!! I couldn't help but laugh after seeing the photos of myself passed out afterward though.. What crazy/weird-ass things have you done while on the job?! Or in any type of job once you hit that slightly delusional stage of wrecked-tired? Tell tell tell! PEACE OUT REBELS, & sleep tight

[ken-oh]

It's not a story of a job but I could tell you how I got kicked out of denny's for life.

[---]

Tell! Tell!

I'll have to see if I can think of any stories from my time volunteering at a church cafe. My husband and I volunteered there together, and man did we have fun. (We also were pretty entertaining to the other volunteers.) I can't quite think of anything specific right now, though. Give me a bit of time to think on it...

[AustralMoonBear]

I learnt the trick of sleeping (or at least disengaging all higher brain funtion) working hospitality (weddings, graduations, board dinners...). The long section at the end of a big funtion when the bar had to be manned but no one was really drinking any more was when I'd do it. Apparently I once faced a customer, smiling, while the customer approached the bar and talked to me for a couple of minutes.

I was woken up when the customer actually reached out and poked me. Luckily he thought it was hillarious.

[nadianeytiri]

thanks Celidah, I'm actually really looking forward to hearing! God volunteer waitering... Surely that rewards some sort of award?! haha. Kudos

[nadianeytiri]

Tell tell Ken-oh, I'm intrigued! You have my undivided attention!

[nadianeytiri]

FeloniusMonk, that is absolutely hilarious... How the hell did you manage that one?! I'm seriously impressed! (Don't you love that time of night though that you have to "protect the bar" after last orders, but do sweet feck all but blank people... One of life's truest simplest pleasures, mmmm hmmm haha.

[Jcannon98188]

Not at all hospitality related, but I used to work at Nintendo of America as advanced Tech Support. I used to fall asleep on the phones ALL the time (never got caught). Average phone call for me was ~2+ hours and there would be periods of 45 minutes or so where we are just waiting for something to happen. Prime time for a quick nap if you ask me. Customers never caught on (light sleeper, would wake up as soon as they started talking, or if i heard someone walking towards my desk [luckily I had cool coworkers who would signal me if someone was coming])

[ken-oh]

I had just gotten off work and some friends and I decided to go to Denny's for some food and the like. I was driving so Bruce, Ben, and Charlie decided they wanted to drink heavily before we got there. Well we get there and we get seated next to this very large woman wo has just ordered a steak. Ben (who is about 6'3 and built like an amatuer body builder) decides he doesn't want to wait to order, reaches over and takes this womans steak right off her plate. Then he starts eating like he's a caveman right there in the middle of denny's with everyone staring at us. Meanwhile this woman starts screaming at the top of her lungs because he stole her steak. The servers tell us to leave and of course we say no, then the assistant manager comes over and he is short and scrawny. The kind of guy who looks like a strong breeze would blow him away. He tells us we have to leave or he's calling the police so Ben looks at him, looks at the steak, then looks at the woman and hits her in the face with the aformentioned steak and says "Bitch needs to go on a diet". That's when the Assistant Manager tells we are never allowed to go into a Denny's again. It's not as funny in type but it was hilarious seeing it, or if you see me tell the story.

[BeckyBuckeye]

It's not as funny in type but it was hilarious seeing it, or if you see me tell the story.

Au contraire, my coworkers think I'm crazy for laughing at nothing.

[Jcannon98188]

Au contraire, my coworkers think I'm crazy for laughing at nothing.

I hate this! Especially since I spend a large portion of my day trolling reddit instead of working, I have to stifle my laughter in order not to draw attention.

Also, that story, while not exactly funny, would have been pretty funny to see. I can imagine it happening

**edit: Correction, it is funny, but horrible. So it's one of those funny situations where reading it I would say that is horrible, but being there I would be busting up laughing**

[nadianeytiri]

@Jcannon... can you hook me up with a job @Nintendo?! Personally I think I'd fit right in.... That way I could keep my night job, instead of being constantly sleep deprived, yeeeaaah! @ken-oh, not gonna lie I thought briefly about flagging your post... Then said "f it, thanks be to jaysus i wasn't working that night!!!" On a side note... Some counseling for Benny maybe?.. Just a thought!

[ken-oh]

Trust me, we all learned a lesson about letting Ben go out in public whilst drunk, and thank you for not flagging me. I already have problems with political correctness and that would just add to it.

[smazzon1]

I wasn't working when it happened, but this guy I worked with had this asshole dude who was complaining about everything. He started getting really angry by the time his dinner came out so my friend got our manager, he went over to calm this guy down, and the guy says straight to my manager's face, "WELL YOU CAN GO SHOVE THIS STEAK UP YOUR ASS!"

[smazzon1]

And one time I was super tired at the beginning of a shift and this other guy I worked with offered my a 5-hour energy. I don't drink soda anymore or anything that's supposed to 'boost' your energy but I was exhausted and I figured it couldn't hurt.

Dude 6 hours later my head was gunna fall off I was so hyper. They eventually told me to get off the floor and go polish glasses.

[vintageenvy]

Oh my god... so many good stories.

Not too long ago I worked at a diner, and I always worked the early Sunday morning shift because you get the best tips from everyone coming in hungover if you know how to treat them. We always opened at 6 AM, so at that point it's mainly workmen who are either just starting or coming off of a shift. I'm going over to one of our side station to get drinks for a table and this HUGE (probably around 400 lbs, and no muscle to speak of) guy follows me over and asks "hey, do you like coffee?". At this point I had been married for about a year so my first thought is Oh great... he's going to complain about the coffee and I'm going to have to make a whole new batch... and then he follows up with "because I would really love to take you out for a cup once you finish your shift".

I think I turned about 5 different shades of red and mumbled something about how I don't think my husband would approve. He blushed, apologized and walked away. I was so flustered I forgot what I was doing and went back to my table to take their drink order again, only to realize I had just done it. To my horror he was sitting at the counter and hadn't even gotten his food yet. Thank god he wolfed it down and was out of there in 20 minutes.

Why is it only the creeps who get the stones to ask someone out like that? Ugh...

[nadianeytiri]

Smaz: What a moron! Seriously, you meet all types don't you, I can't believe he said that?! Just a few days ago, my manager was reeling off lists of things that needed to be done around the place before closing, and my friend comes out with "do you want me to stick a brush up my ass so I can clean as I go?" = epic moment of leveling up!

@Vintageenvy, that is so sweet of the guy though!! I would be so overwhelmed with embarrassment too but sooo flattered at the same time, I love when guys are forward like that, Irish guys generally seem to follow an unspoken rule of "must drink at least 10 pints before chatting girl up", it's a shame! Super awkward that he didn't wait till after he'd eaten though, yikes..!

Speaking of awkward, anyone have any good advice when all you're getting is complaints about the food when a certain chef is on, and you're friends with that chef?! I don't know how to put it so that i don't sound like a total asshole, part of me wants to be completely honest but she'd probably go psycho on my ass and hold a grudge because of it..... ugh, the joys!

[---]

Ok, I've got a story. This isn't me doing anything nutty, but a "crazy customer" story. The cafe where I volunteered is inside a community center that also contains a fitness center and an enclosed, indoor pool. The cafe counter shares space with the service counter, so on one side is the service desk, and on the other side is the cafe and register. So, when the cafe business is slow or when the cafe's closed, the cafe volunteers often help out at the service desk. Oh, and we have a rule about no street clothes in the pool area, but it's not always enforced very well. That's important to remember.

One day I was working cafe when I saw an older man and a middle-aged woman that I'd never seen before walk in and request one-day passes for the pool. They pinged my "weirdo" radar, and not the good kind of weirdo. They looked quite frumpy, carried tatty bath towels--not swimming towels--and they just seemed...off. In any case, they bought their passes, then headed towards the locker room. Pretty standard transaction, right?

Wrong.

Maybe about 15 minutes later, they both came out again, and the older man headed straight for the doors, while the woman came back to the counter. She requested a refund on the passes, and since I was more experienced with processing refunds, the service desk volunteer let me take over. As I started punching buttons on the register, the woman suddenly asked, "Is it because of the clothes thing?"

"What do you mean?" I asked. I was expecting her to complain about the lifeguard keeping her out of the pool because of her trying to wear street clothes inside. On rare occasion, we've had those incidents happen with people who wanted to hang out poolside, but not swim.

"Well, the lifeguard told me that I had to wear a swimsuit to swim," she said.

"Were you trying to wear your clothes to go swimming?" I asked, confused about why she would want to swim in street clothes.

"No."

"Wait...ma'am, do you mean you were trying to swim...without any clothes at all? Like...naked?"

"Yes. I think that we should wear less clothes in our lives. It's more freeing."

What I said was, "Ma'am, I'm afraid that we have a strict policy that says everyone must wear a swimsuit in the pool." What I was thinking was...less calm.

"Oh," she said with disappointment. By that time, the transaction process was finished, and so she took her money and went her way. I then promptly went in search of the nearest bottle of Brain Bleach.

[azsf]

Why is it only the creeps who get the stones to ask someone out like that? Ugh...

what's this now? did something else happen in that story? from what you've told us, the guy was hardly a creep. he straight up asked you out, and then apologized and left you alone when you declined. how is any of that creepy? unwanted, sure. a little awkward, i get that. but not creepy.

[nadianeytiri]

Wow Celidah, you tell a good story, I'm impressed?! That is maaaaad! She must be channeling her inner Corbusier http://www.google.com/imgres?q=corbusier+naked&hl=en&client=safari&sa=X&rls=en&biw=1216&bih=684&tbm=isch&prmd=imvns&tbnid=9PrkF6tXaazTFM:&imgrefurl=http://violin.perm.ru/tag/artists-totally-getting-high-and-painting-frescas/&imgurl=http://26.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lptopvBY6C1qzp25bo1_500.png&w=433&h=500&ei=NA08UOGbDciYhQfuyYDADQ&zoom=1&iact=hc&vpx=247&vpy=42&dur=1739&hovh=241&hovw=209&tx=129&ty=116&sig=112440126496174398919&page=1&tbnh=162&tbnw=140&start=0&ndsp=17&ved=1t:429,r:1,s:0,i:78 haha! That's what I love most about those kind of jobs though, the "all sorts" and "characters" that you meet along the way, your story's pretty priceless like! That reminds me, I just recently returned home from a trip to the coast, and one day some friends and I rented a boat... Anyway, cut a long story short it was a windy day and the sea was choppy, so we were having difficulty docking on an island. So we're getting a bit panicked, and just when we're about to give up and set off again, we see a guy waving in the distance to try get us to come over and dock the thing. It was only as we drew nearer that we realized we'd clearly hit a nude beach, and the guy was stark naked, jiggling his little boy around enthusiastically as he politely helped us park up. We were taken so far off guard, suppressing the laughter nearly caused me to spontaneously combust!

Seriously though, career in journalism much, no?!

[---]

Me, a journalist? Nah. I just like telling a good story.

Wow...on the one hand, I'm glad you had such a helpful guy on the beach, on the other hand...I would feel so very, very awkward...

Here's one that my coworker did, in the same workplace. We served a buffalo chicken wrap, and our community center director would order it for lunch every day, saying that his favorite part was the hot sauce. He also constantly told us to make sure that the wraps and paninis had lots of sauce, so that there was "flavor in every bite."

One day, my coworker decided to be funny and about drowned his lunchtime buffalo wrap with hot sauce. She even put more of it into a sauce cup on the side. She served it to him stating that she made absolutely sure that there was "flavor in every bite." Well...he didn't understand that she was pranking him, even after she explicitly explained that she was having a little fun at his expense. So we all got a lecture about putting too much sauce on the wraps.

Whoops.

[AustralMoonBear]

FeloniusMonk, that is absolutely hilarious... How the hell did you manage that one?! I'm seriously impressed! (Don't you love that time of night though that you have to "protect the bar" after last orders, but do sweet feck all but blank people... One of life's truest simplest pleasures, mmmm hmmm haha.

Never been sure how I learned the trick, just sort of started doing it one night (after working 12-14 hour swing shifts for a week). Mostly it would be about 3 seconds and then my knees would buckle... Very odd feeling wakeing up as you begin to fall. Sometimes I'd get all the body angles just right and be able to nap, standing up, eyes open for 5 minutes or so. Really very refreshing :-)