The after effects of a controlling relationship.

[shagy2303]

Ok im just wondering if any one else has had trouble breaking out of the shell you made when you were in a controlling and emotionally abusive relationship..Im fighting not to be the shell of a man that i was for 6 years. it is hard because it almost seems like you have to fight every single step of the way and the shell doesnt want to let go. you catch yourself falling in to old habits .

[illuminatus]

You are not alone my friend, I am in a similar situation. Was married for 9 years before I realized that the relationship was unhealthy for me and her. It is difficult to break out of those habits, I struggle with it daily but I tell myself to look at my life two years ago compared to know and realize that I am a.) Happier, b.) have met a great group of friends that I wouldn't have met if I was still with her and c.) try desperately to tell myself those habits are no longer neccessary to cope with a significant other that was never there to support me emotionally. That's one reason I like this site. For once I'm not judged because I'm struggling, I get good support from everyone.

[shagy2303]

I just really came to the realization that i was till holding on the coping mechanisms

[cammocat@gmail.com]

That sounds really tough. I haven't been in that situation for myself, but I want you to know that I think you are awesome and strong for being able to get out of that situation, and work on getting better. That's a huge thing. Well done.

[shagy2303]

Well there is no strength in it for me it was just to the point i either get out of it or i would have probably not maid it to this year . . i Had to be here for my kids

[Maj. Bloodnok]

Been there, done that. I got involved with a woman who persuaded me to quit my job, leave NYC and become semi-homeless in Worcester, MA. That relationship poisoned my life for years afterward. I still find myself going back over what happened and identifying where I failed. (Mostly by not standing up for myself.) Thank God I never married her.

The habits are hard to break, but they do break eventually. It takes work, like any bad habit. You'll do well, I'm sure.

[SusieBlu]

I was thinking about your post and I realized I to have been holding on to habits that delevoped from my past relationship. I been trained that after work I go straight home and basically do nothing for the rest of the night because that is what he would do. That is the biggest thing I have noticed but I know there are other things. But guess what there is a silverlining. You have recognized a problem now you can start changing it.