Someone fighting to be an Assassin

[Tengu]

This 5'10" 170 lb guy walks to the door.

I smile as I realize it's the wrong door, but I knock anyway, knowing that one door leads to another.

Just as I am about to knock, a shadow of a man appears, blocking my way.

"Go away, boy", the shadow growls "You don't belong here".

"Boy?" I ask, lashing out. And then I'm all twisted up on the ground, as this shadow of a person grabs me, forcing me to the ground, twisting my arms behind me.

"You don't belong here" the shadow hisses in my ear.

"F*(K you" I snarl under his weight, under his pressure, feeling my lungs collapse, my stomach clench, my arms twist.

"Your body is weak, flabby" I hear his hiss in my ear.

"I lost 50 pounds!" I yell at him in defiance.

"You can't run a single block" he snarls.

"Frack you, I gave up smoking two years ago" I snarl back as he holds me down.

Then he whispers and hisses in my ear "Can you even do 20 pushups in a row?"

Defeat threatens me, then...

"Not YET" I snarl back at him, trying to buck him off.

He lets me go, and I spring to my feet. He laughs at me, and it's so cruel, so deprecating.

"Go away, old man, you're 43, flabby and can't run. You don't belong to the underground, the Rebellion, much less the Assassin's Guild" and the shadow turns away from me, walking away in dismissal.

And that's his mistake.

"You're dead" I say to his back, getting his attention for a moment.

As I move to the shadows, finding a place to train, to work, to deal with everything, I promise that shadow man

"You're dead...you just don't know it yet"

I am Tengu, and I will get through that door to the Assassin's Guild.

[cob]

You are epic.

[Tengu]

"Your life is half over" the old man says. He's meditating and speaking in peace.

I'm pissed off.

"So what?" I snarl quietly as I TRY to meditate in a back alley of Portland, cars and people in the background.

"So", he says quietly "Your life is half over....why bother anymore?"

And I'm confused....sitting there in the dirt with him in the sodium lights of the alleyway.

He senses my confusion and smiles under his hood. "You have come this far, you are what you are. Your stone is writ upon already. Do you understand?" he says in the shadow of his hood.

And I do, and it's a creeping understanding, my spine crawling.

As I realize who I'm talking to.

Once again.

I take my leave of him, standing and walking away.

"F*&CK you" I growl in a whisper, recognizing the shadow man, "I already told you, you're dead"

I see the sliver of a smile in the shadow of his hood. I want to hit him, pummel him, scream at him.

All I can do is promise him.

"You're dead, you just don't know it yet", as I walk out of the alley of darkness and join the people walking and driving and biking through the streets of Portland.

[Tengu]

"There you are" this stranger says, wearing a baseball cap and a goofy grin, " 'been looking for you!" he says, clapping me on the back. "C'mon, there's some people you need to meet", and he takes me to a place, a forest inside the city.

And I learn the motto "WWSD?", and I learn about catscradle and food porn and about "I give this many f*cks- ZERO!" and about "Just F*cking DO it"

And I learn, slowly, that what I was looking for before wasn't correct for me. The shadow man (I can still feel him watching me, hear him whispering to me) was wrong.

THIS is the fracking rebellion I was looking for.

I may not be worthy of the Assassin's guild yet.

But I will be.

I will be.

Current Capabilities-

Pushups (standard/followed by knee push ups)

14/9, 10/9, 8/5, 6/6, 5/3

Planks-

45s, 42s, 31s, 25s

Bodyweight squats (slightly wider than shoulder width)

50, 51, 55, 40, 45

Bicycle crunches (I know, crunches aren't a big thing on NF, but I do love the ones that burn my abs!)

30, 34, 25, 20, 17

I would post more, but right now one of my goals is in bed by 9pm, up by 4:15 am, so I'm off to bed, dreaming of eventually being worthy of the Assassin's guild!

RAHHHRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!

[CryptoManiac]

That was beautiful. It brought a tear to my eye. I too want to be an assassin one day, but that day, is not today.

Welcome Tengu, may your journey be swift.

[Tengu]

So, my first and second fail- didn't get to bed til 9:30. Set the alarm for 4:15. I had the alarm clock across the room (circa 15 feet), and still somehow managed to get up, reset it to 4:45, and walk back to sleep until the alarm finally woke me up the second time (having to "hit the head" was the only thing that actually got me up, grrrrrrr)

And I heard him again.

The shadow man, the shadow voice.

"See, you're still doing it" he murmured before the sun even came up "Just give it up. Everyone else that you know has"

I turned, looked in the mirror, and snarled.

"You're already dead", combing my hair, brushing my teeth in a rush to get to work, "All I have to do is learn to ignore your echoes in my head"

And Tengu race walked to work.

Sooooo, anyway.

My real life story-

I am the kitchen manager and lead cook at my local Grade School (grades k-5).

I walk to work (1.2 k) and home everyday, and have been for the past 8 years.

For the past 6 years, I've been eating "school food" (and our district at the grade school level has been FAR ahead of many in regard to nutrition), and eating "absolute crap" at home until two years ago.

Up until 2 years ago, at 5'10", I was 220 lbs. I got involved in a "biggest loser contest" at work. 10 of us at $15 apiece. $150 may not sound like much to some of you, but for me, that's a LOT of free money. I won't bore you with the details. I won, at 42 lbs lost in three months and highest percentage lost as well. Soon after that, I quit smoking, based on another contest (I'm still addicted to the "patch", but the "patch" won't kill me). I saw myself in the mirror, and fracking DECIDED that 190lbs would never happen again, much less 200 or my original 220. Somehow, I finally dropped to my current 170 (which seems to be my so-called new "set weight" for now).

I started working out on my Weider Crossbow, which was HARD to begin with. But I got better and better, so I thought.

Then I got a summer job up in the mountains, and got into bodyweight exercises. I found that although I could press 165lbs on the Crossbow, I couldn't do a single standard pushup. So, feeling pathetic, I did knee pushups. I did three sets of five, and the next day I thought I was going to die, hahaha. I felt SO weak.

LONG story short, I still have that machine, and I want to craigslist it, because it's USELESS.

Longer story short, even at 43 years old, Parkour is what finally inspired me (despite all my starts and stops....p90x was awesome and suck at the same time).

I can't (yet) run around the block (4/10ths of a mile in my town) without gagging and gasping for breath.

I can't (yet) do 20 standard pushups in a row.

I can't (yet) hold a solid one minute plank (shoulders give out before my core ever does)

And I have never (once more, fracking yet!) done a single pull up.

I will.

Gods damnit I will.

I will do all of those and more!

I will run, I will push my body (by playing the "frack it just DO it!" mental game), I will eat correctly (it becomes automated for me).

And

AND....

If shadow man speaks again, because I know he will....

My motto, my mantra, my guide... WWSD?

Stay on my ass, ride my back, encourage me, dissuade me from crap. If I "win", I know you're all there.

If I fail, I demand you all to be there.

In this for life (despite what shadow man tries to say).

I am Tengu.

I am Corax.

I will be the hunter that flies.

[Tengu]

You are epic.

Thanks!

I'm not.

Yet.

I will be. I would love to say "I'll be epic because all of you inspire me", but that would only be half the truth.

I'll be epic if you guys and gals ride my back over every failure (not telling me I suck, but telling me I can do better).

Apparently I do better with external inspiration than internal inspiration.

That was beautiful. It brought a tear to my eye. I too want to be an assassin one day, but that day, is not today.

Welcome Tengu, may your journey be swift.

It's going to be long and brutal.

And I know it. And for the first time, at 40-fracking-3 years old....I'm okay with that.

WWSD?

I have challenged the shadow man, I have meditated quietly and found him there.

FRACK that.

I would like all of you, adventurers, assassins, newbies, rangers, monks, etc etc etc to help me kill him.

Or rather, perhaps, just to remind me that he's already dead, remind me to stop listening to the echoes of his voice.

Whichever.

I only have one "outside" point of inspiration, but she's too easy on me. She's proud of what little I do, but she won't "call me out" when I drop the ball.

My best friend, who is a fitness fiend, is too easy on me.

I don't need easy. I need raging encouragement, I need people to TELL me "Dude, you dropped it, you lost it, c'mon get your ass up and DOOOOOO IT!"

Now you guys and gals know where I'm coming from. I need, apparently, external motivation, external "get your butt up and DO IT" type of conversations.

Margh, I know "It all comes from inside you, the motivation, the desire". Bovine feces. That works for a LOT of people. For me, and for others... something else is needed.

I don't want to drop the ball, ever again.

Money, prizes, external encouragement, vanity.

That's what I need to be able to glide through the trees on my way to my next target to assassinate.

Sorry for the rant, I'm still dealing with shadow man (seriously, a conversation in my head as I typed all this out)

Urgh

Frack him

WWSD?

i think it's time to join in the fun and post my own pics of food porn

[Tengu]

So tomorrow

Just tomorrow....

90% paleo diet (by caloric count)

And one more push up, one more crunch, 5 more seconds on planks.

And a full hour on studying i'italiano (broken up into segments of 10-15 minutes)

I don't know how the "challenges" work. This is just my personal challenge.

Is there a place for a n00b to post a personal challenge and be held accountable for it?