An Attempt to Find a Better Me...

[RetrOctober]

I am a long time sufferer of manic depression, severe anxiety, eating disorders, Poly-Cystic Ovarian Syndrome, metabolic disorder, insulin resistance, high blood pressure and a long list of several other "issues".

Most of these were brought on by my poor attempts at "fixing" my depression with food. I'm not going to blame anything other than myself for how weak my body has become. I'm a food addict since birth. My parents were workaholics and left my brother and I alone in a house filled with "kid friendly foods" for years.

All of that plus a 5 year long abusive relationship as an adult, and I had become a rather gargantuan shell of my former self.

It’s been nearly 5 months now that I have been completely anti-depressant(100%) and anti-anxiety pill (98.9%) free. I was sick and tired of being sick and tired and taking these pills that were doing nothing for the cause. I decided nearly a year ago that I was going to change. I started carefully weaning myself off of my “happy†pills, while slowly upping my rx of exercise, whole foods, and sunshine.

I’m still using herbal supplements. I take cinnamon and cayenne for my metabolism, or lack there of. A multivitamin to ensure that I have my daily intake of the most vital essentials. A full B-12 complex for mood stabilization, and a tiny bowl’s worth of marijuana to help me wind down before bed time.

I can honestly say that that tiny bit of cannabis before bed time has helped me more in the past year than ANY antidepressant or anti-anxiety pill ever did in the past 10 years I was taking them. I’ve lost weight, my adult acne has cleared up, I don

‘t have twitches any more, nor stomach issues, or stuttering problems. All of the annoying side effects that had built up from the years of pharmaceutical drugs in my system have been erased, much like the careless answer to a math problem that was written down in haste before someone took the time to really study the problem. My mind is clear, focused and always ready to take on new tasks.

Marijuana doesn’t mask my problems and my personality like my pills did. Marijuana allows me to be myself, to laugh, smile, be creative, to focus… to be happy.

This is a reminder to myself, that life does get better, and you don’t need to take pills for it to happen.

I've dropped down from 350+ (No clue how high my highest was, as I had banned myself from stepping on scales, even in the doctors office) to an even 300LBS, in a little less than a year.

Since I've been able to stick with this change, I figured it was time to challenge myself.

Looking forward to trying the "Paleo" diet, and more self-body weight strengthening exercises, along with the help of nerdfitness.

-Ret