Anybody else catch flak for losing weight?

[basscrack]

This is exactly what I was looking for! I lost 30 lbs, and even not all at once. Surprisingly, when I was losing the weight I got tons of positive responses (even though my methods for some of the weight were actually very unhealthy). In fact, on the point of fat loss itself, feedback is almost exclusively positive.

 

The problem I have is the friends that talk crap about me posting on FB or talking about going to the gym. I know I have a few friends who also strive to be healthier, and we get excited about our progress and like to share it on Facebook. Not to mention, when you go to the gym 6 days a week it takes up a decent portion of your life (in a good way). It makes me feel good when I get support from my friends who 'like' my status or comment and tell me to "keep up the good work!" On the other hand, there's a plethora of memes and e-cards talking negatively about people who post on their gym status, which my less supportive friends love to share. They knock me for going to the gym or talking about it, saying "who cares!"

Also, I have friends that put me down for "dieting" -- although I personally don't like to use that word. I make healthier food choices, and don't eat out or eat the cheese covered food at work, and I get crap for it. There's plenty of the "you don't need to lose weight" and general bashing of diets. Same thing happens for trying to cut back on drinking. It is hard to put tone into text, but I've definitely gotten "Oh, everyone is dieting" like it's a dirty word, just because you opted for the healthier option.

 

Oh, and there's the "Now you're one of the skinny bitches" comments. I think some of them are meant jokingly, but you can always tell that there's hate and jealousy driving the "good-natured" jokes.

 

Of course, it's never the people who are already in good shape who make these comments, whether they work out or not. I have one friend in particular who is overweight with major self-esteem issues (not that you'd know it the way she parades around) who is the biggest culprit... meanwhile she's constantly going on crash diets and green tea binges with no real goals or organization that never do much of anything. She has said all of the above to me and worse, even though she's a good friend of mine who I have known for years. I've never responded badly, knocking her unhealthy lifestyle or judging her for making the choices she does. I don't push my lifestyle on anyone else. I am always willing to share any knowledge I have should someone come to me for help or advice. You try and shrug these things off, but sometime they still worm their way past your shields.

[Pherales]

My biggest problem with catching flak is that I have a friend who has been yoyo-ing on SAD's forever.  All her calorie counting and elliptical workouts and she's managed to keep off some of the weight, but once again she's back into bad habits.  

 

The thing that irritates her most is that whenever we talk I'm eating.  I have two main meals a day, and the rest of the day I nibble constantly on carrot sticks, with the occasional half-handful of seeds, nuts and dried fut.  It keeps me from feeling cravings for carbs, which I still get occasionally even now.

 

She hates that I can eat all day and still lose weight, so she takes it out on me.  I tend to get a smug feeling over it now, although it used to make me feel incredibly guilty.  Instead of dieting, I'm consistently making healthy lifestyle changes.  That makes all the difference as far as I can see.

[MPats130]

I'm really glad I found this thread, because I've been dealing with the same problem. I've only recently started to gradually change to a Paleo diet and every day some one at work makes some comment about how small my lunch (lots of veggies and tuna/hard-boiled egg/ some protein, I'd say pretty filling). They're not necessarily negative, but I wish they would stop fixating on what I eat.  I'm learning to tune it out, but it's still frustrating...

[Flex Luthor]

People that make comments toward the negative whenever someone has become healthy or is in the process of getting healthy are funny.

 

I prefer the direct approach when dealing with negativity. When someone makes a negative comment about the food you are eating, look at them straight in the eyes and say,"If I wanted to look like everybody else, I'd eat like everybody else." Stare directly at them for another couple of seconds, and walk away.

 

Yes I've done this.

[Sambalina]

Yup, I've had the anorexic comments too. And I've never looked it. I make sure to eat a nice bit of pork belly in front of whoever said it, and they don't mention it again

 

More recently, I lost maybe 3-4lbs. My friend, struggling mightily to lose anything and gain any muscle on a SAD, told me the other day that I was "too skinny" in my photos and she hoped I was eating properly now that I was home from travelling. At first I was like "oh my gosh - am I too slim? Do I look horrible and underweight?", so I asked my dad - guaranteed and honest answer there! - and we figured out it was her jealousy. But will she listen to how I do it? Give up bread and pasta?! NFW!

 

*sigh*.

[Spider-Dan]

I actually caught flak from my boss because he thought I was getting too skinny. He was worried about me. I was down to about 175 and was not intent on going below there. I had been in a fat burning phase before attempting to add a few pounds of muscle back on. I guess I should say that I started at 207 just so you have an idea of what I had dropped. Right now I weight 180, and this is roughly the weight I feel best at. I don't really care what anyone else thinks. I feel good here, so it's all good. The only time I would get concerned would be if my wife started to worry about me. If you are happy with your results, then press onward. 

[CROW]

Back when I was slimmer I only got one hater comment that I was doing dope. So funny, I just started being more active and eating as much. Came right off. Never messed with the stuff.

My friends became a tad threatened.

But what I enjoyed was the props. I was told by many that I was looking good. My mom said I was gifted to have a size 32 waist at my age. Being an introvert, I had to also adjust to women being more open about what they thought. Soooo you will always have haters. Just enjoy the fruits of your labor. lol

[Nomad Jay]

"If you would improve, be content to be thought foolish and stupid." - Epictetus.

[guinnesshero]

I mainly get it from my workout "partners" who are dedicated for about 4 to 6 months then drop out on me. They will hear about a new goal of mine through facebook or something then give me crap. Its joking but there is alot of truth in a joke. Haters.Oh yea and the "stop juicing"comments are always fun. Its not steroids its dedication dick. If you had stuck with me you would look like this too.

[hearthsinger]

You're doing really well! That's some great progress and you should be proud. I have gotten mostly positive feedback for my own progress, but every once in a while someone will comment that I'm "starving" myself or that it's happened too quickly, although I've really averaged about 3 lbs of loss a week and I'm on Nutrisystem so I have a very balanced and portion conscious diet. I find that my progress has caused more people to challenge themselves to do the same than it has elicited negative responses. The negative ones always come from people who are struggling with their own health and are unwilling to do what it takes to change their habits.  Don't pay them any mind! You are doing awesome!

[minderly]

Keep it up! My coworkers and family bug me any time I lose weight. They start in with the "Do we need to have a talk about eating?". It's very offensive for people to assume you've developed some sort of disorder, and disregard any other way of getting healthy.

 

Best of luck.

[Spider-Dan]

Well said, Mindy. My boss started in on me today again. "That is a really nice shirt on you. I like it, but you look like you are wasting away."

: (

I told him I haven't had any significant changes recently other than giving up gluten. I am not eating less, and I am not exercising more than I have been since New Year's. My body fat is decreasing at a steady rate, but I am not losing a ton of weight. In fact, I looked at my body measurements from last summer, and the single most significant change is that my chest has grown by 1 1/2 inches. All other changes have been a half inch or less.

[Katariana]

People have all their own reasons for saying whatever they do, ignore 'em. 

 

I know that can be hard, but, I know most of them time if you're walking around/in the gym thinking "Man, are all these people looking at me? What are they thinking?" None of those people are even noticing, because they're too busy thinking the same thing. Ya never know what's going on inside someone's head.

 

When I first lost weight (from like 160 down to like 140ish) I was told my by long-term boyfriend's mom "Don't loose anymore weight! You look good, and you want something left!". Later I found out she only said that so I wouldn't be smaller than her, because she felt intimidated. 

 

At work, people specifically put donuts or baked goods on my desk, and if I dont eat them or say "no thanks" get fussy. Its not like Im even trying to loose weight - Im trying to eat and be healthy. I used to be offended, but who knows why they're putting the food on my desk? Maybe they're trying to not have it on theirs, or something.

 

Some people can be really supportive "Oh, you wanna lift weights and get strong, cool!" while others are like "Aren't you thin/fit enough, do you have problems?" I found that the people most likely to accuse or tear you down are the ones with their own problems. Either ignore em, or be extra nice to them, because maybe they're the ones that need some positivity in their lives. Just don't let it get you down  

[Kristen]

I've learned that when people say things like that, generally they are just upset because you're achieving something they cannot and want to come up with excuses to why they can't follow your example. If they convince themselves and others that you had surgery then they don't have to feel bad because they can't duplicate that.

This.

 

There's no way you actually, you know, WORKED for it. It must have been magic or a miracle. /sarcasm

 

When others realized the sweat and pain and discipline you've put into something difficult, it makes them feel bad for not having done it themselves, for whatever reason. If they make excuses for you, their own excuses seem more valid.

[Cameron]

I get tons of flak from (unhealthy) people at work who have tried and failed to lose weight about a dozen times and don't want me to succeed. People want to think that losing weight is really hard and that's why they can't do it, so when you show them that's not the case it can kinda shake them. Keep up the good work and forget the nay-sayers! 

 

I wish everyone could see that! People like to think it's borderline impossible, or that they just don't have the "genetics" to be in shape, in order to make themselves feel better about not succeeding. When someone else succeeds, it puts cracks in their theory and they can't stand it. So, they make up things that lets them carry on with that ridiculous theory. Things like "oh, well they're not eating enough, it's not healthy." Or "they just have good genes." Or "they don't have kids, so they have all that free time to exercise!"

 

There was an article on Jezebel today saying pretty much exactly that, it drove me absolutely nuts. I'm a guy, but I hate the idea that a feminist blog is constantly pushing the idea that fitness is part of the patriarchy or something, and that women shouldn't worry about trying to be in shape or something.

[TheSavageBean]

People grew concerned that I was depressed and failing PhD when they saw me losing weight.

[Spider-Dan]

I can echo your sentiments, Cameron. When I really started hitting the fitness thing, it just wasn't something my wife was interested in. Then I convinced her to run with me. She loves it. It is something we can do as a family. My 3 yr old loves to have us run while he is in the stroller and he cheers mommy on. He is great inspiration. She now sees how important it is for both of his major role models to try and take good care of themselves.

[Maris Stella]

I mainly get it from my workout "partners" who are dedicated for about 4 to 6 months then drop out on me. They will hear about a new goal of mine through facebook or something then give me crap. Its joking but there is alot of truth in a joke. Haters.Oh yea and the "stop juicing"comments are always fun. Its not steroids its dedication dick. If you had stuck with me you would look like this too.

 

Omg. My boyfriend got that same comment in a line at starbucks. This random stranger just flat-out asked him if he was on sterioids. I tried to tell him he should take it as a compliment (obviously difficult) but he was, understandably, very offended.

 

To everyone else's point, it is NOBODY's business what your body looks like. It's astonishing to me that anyone feels like it is within their rights to comment on someone else's body. It's one thing to be encouraging, but even then people should be careful.

[Kristen]

I wish everyone could see that! People like to think it's borderline impossible, or that they just don't have the "genetics" to be in shape, in order to make themselves feel better about not succeeding. When someone else succeeds, it puts cracks in their theory and they can't stand it. So, they make up things that lets them carry on with that ridiculous theory. Things like "oh, well they're not eating enough, it's not healthy." Or "they just have good genes." Or "they don't have kids, so they have all that free time to exercise!"

 

There was an article on Jezebel today saying pretty much exactly that, it drove me absolutely nuts. I'm a guy, but I hate the idea that a feminist blog is constantly pushing the idea that fitness is part of the patriarchy or something, and that women shouldn't worry about trying to be in shape or something.

I would argue just the opposite--being fit isn't about looking good, getting looked at, being subjugated by the patriarchy--it's about reclaiming your own body, taking care of it. Being fit and strong is the exact opposite of the feminine ideal, so (for me at least) doing pull ups, lifting barbells, is my way of saying "F your beauty standards! I refuse to be the object of your desire. I refuse to behave the way I am expected to. My body is MINE!"

 

Claiming feminism makes it ok to be fat and sick is just another lame excuse for not taking control of one's lifestyle, and what's that? Status quo. Good, quiet, weak, passive female. Yay feminism! 

 

Barring actual serious medical issues, ANYONE can build and maintain a healthy body. It IS hard work, but it's not out of reach for ANYONE. That's why people are so hurt when they see others accomplish it--your success invalidates their excuses. 

[Cameron]

I would argue just the opposite--being fit isn't about looking good, getting looked at, being subjugated by the patriarchy--it's about reclaiming your own body, taking care of it. Being fit and strong is the exact opposite of the feminine ideal, so (for me at least) doing pull ups, lifting barbells, is my way of saying "F your beauty standards! I refuse to be the object of your desire. I refuse to behave the way I am expected to. My body is MINE!"

 

Claiming feminism makes it ok to be fat and sick is just another lame excuse for not taking control of one's lifestyle, and what's that? Status quo. Good, quiet, weak, passive female. Yay feminism! 

 

Barring actual serious medical issues, ANYONE can build and maintain a healthy body. It IS hard work, but it's not out of reach for ANYONE. That's why people are so hurt when they see others accomplish it--your success invalidates their excuses. 

 

Exactly! To me, fitness is inherently a personal quest. Sure, vanity plays a part for a lot of us (it certainly does for me). Who doesn't want to look better? But, it is absolutely not the only reason to be fit. I was in Arizona a few months ago, and kept seeing mountains and thinking to myself "I want to climb that!" Not for anyone else, not to take a picture for Facebook, not to impress anyone. Just for me. Being fit gives you so much more freedom, because you're not held back by your own physical limitations.

 

It sucks that so many women who want to get in shape are treated like they're shallow or vain, when it often has nothing to do with it. I have a friend who is about to do the Iron Girl triathlon, which is awesome. I can't think of many things more empowering than that.

[BigJim78]

I scared the wife a little when I went from 112Kg to 94Kg in 2 months. Well, I scared the mother-in-law who then put the fear into my wife. But hey, I went paleo and the weight just fell away.

 

 Then I went down to 91Kg with Steve' beginner bodyweight workout. She started getting real bitter. Started poking me in bed calling me bony and saying I was unhealthy and setting a bad example for our daughter. It's now 3 months later and Im lifting heavy, eating BIG paleo meals and weigh 98Kg. And the only way is up!

 

 I feel AWESOME! Right up to the point where she rolls her eyes at me as I head out to the garage for a workout or I find her looking in the mirror with a miserable expression on her face. Forget trying to encourage her to join me, thats a great way for me to get slapped or told to "F**K OFF!"

 

Hard to keep that good feeling.

 

 

[basscrack]

I scared the wife a little when I went from 112Kg to 94Kg in 2 months. Well, I scared the mother-in-law who then put the fear into my wife. But hey, I went paleo and the weight just fell away.

 

 Then I went down to 91Kg with Steve' beginner bodyweight workout. She started getting real bitter. Started poking me in bed calling me bony and saying I was unhealthy and setting a bad example for our daughter. It's now 3 months later and Im lifting heavy, eating BIG paleo meals and weigh 98Kg. And the only way is up!

 

 I feel AWESOME! Right up to the point where she rolls her eyes at me as I head out to the garage for a workout or I find her looking in the mirror with a miserable expression on her face. Forget trying to encourage her to join me, thats a great way for me to get slapped or told to "F**K OFF!"

 

Hard to keep that good feeling.

 

 

That's a real bummer when the person closest to you is one of the people putting you down, I'm sorry to hear that. Congrats on all your progress, and try not to let her get you down. I know I've been guilty of some of this behavior in the past with my boyfriend -- mostly when his workouts were cutting into our time together. Some people need their eyes opened to the way they come across to other people and how their reactions (read: nagging) affect other people.

 

Keep up the great work, and keep coming back for more support!

[Spider-Dan]

Hey bigjim78,

Try these two things:

1) try to find something active that is actually something you can do together.

2) show her that your should both set a healthy example for your kid.

My wife had no interest at all in fitness until I begged her to do a Warrior Dash with me. I watched 2 couples I know do it, and I was truly inspired. I told her how much it would mean to me to share a moment like that with her. Well, she agreed. When we started running our son really got into it (he is 3). He would cheer for mommy, and that made her work hard and feel good. A few weeks of running went by and then she was truly excited to run. She wasn't just doing it for me anymore, and she thanked me for it.

[Toadfish]

I actually got some flak last night from a good friend of mine. She is working on losing weight (sort of low carb, but she doesn't stick to it at all) and called me an 'asshole' for losing close to 30 pounds, blaming it on males losing weight faster than females. Honestly, I didn't handle it as well as I should have and I feel bad about it. I did Weight Watchers for about a year and ended up quitting (and gaining it all back) because the nasty comments the women in the meetings would say about me losing weight. They never asked how I did it, just got angry at me for losing. This made me a bit sensitive to those sort of comments.

 

Now, I need to go apologize to my friend.

[Suited hippy]

I got the same " it's so easy to men to loose weight" from my best friend's fiancee.

 

"Easy? EASY!? Just because I am effective at it does not mean it is easy. I work out 5-6 days a week, giving 100% every time till I am a sweaty mess barely able to walk home from the gym. Don't you dare say it is easy for me because of my gender."

 

It was a little sassy, and has put a bit of a rift in my relationship with my friend as his fiancee is not a big fan of me anymore. It's heart breaking really, this is the dude that brought me back from the brink, he gave me my second life and now I see him maybe once a month...