Growing a thicker skin

[Irish Oisin]

I used to really worry about what others thought and said about me, and it really got to me and I became really paranoid. My friends said I was too sensitive and they couldn't even joke with me, and to a large extent, they were right. I reached a point where I didn't want to be paranoid anymore, I didn't want to hear an insult in every sentence, and even if I thought I did I just said "fuck it, it isn't true anyway" and I left it where it was. 

 

On the occasion when someone DOES insult me, I just laugh it off and think that they're just insulting me because they're trying to bring me down. So I won't let them. Usually a quick "fuck off" with a big smirk on my face does it

[sumdawgtwigg]

Hi, just wanted to let you know that you're definitely not alone.

I don't think highly sensitive types should be expected to change who they are. There are good sides to being extremely sensitive! You're probably more empathetic than most; being sensitive to the suffering of other's and having the capacity to offer compassion is an amazing quality to possess. You're probably more inclined to notice and appreciate smaller details in life, I guess you'd call that enhanced sensory perception? Of course a famous characteristic of the sensitive individual is their creative streak. Creativity leads to great problem solving! 

We do live in a society where sensitivity is undervalued. People have no issue with telling you that you're 'too emotional' or 'too sensitive'. I used to get it all the time! The thing that separates you from them, is you'd probably never dream of putting someone else down by saying to them 'you're too oblivious to the feelings of the people close to you'...Or however else you'd describe someone who makes careless character assessments to another person's face. 

I don't think you need to harden up. Self management is more important and should apply to all personality types, not just the sensitive ones. 

I liked Michael_Blacksmith's advice: 

Step back and rationally try to evaluate if you did anything to bring this upon yourself. 99% of the time the answer is no, when that is the case you honestly need to make a decision if you want someone else to make you feel something, or if you want to make yourself feel something better.

Brilliant advice. =)

 

I didn't realize people where still commenting here! I'm glad I happened to see it pop up again on my content business because this is really great advice. All during my challenge i've spoken to a lot more people about it and they all seem to come to the same conclusion. Don't let other people's insensitivity make you put up a wall and then become just like them. Some people may say mean, rude, or just dumb things to get a rise out of you but that's their problem. I'm not going to stop being a nice, caring person. Thank you! 

[sumdawgtwigg]

I used to really worry about what others thought and said about me, and it really got to me and I became really paranoid. My friends said I was too sensitive and they couldn't even joke with me, and to a large extent, they were right. I reached a point where I didn't want to be paranoid anymore, I didn't want to hear an insult in every sentence, and even if I thought I did I just said "fuck it, it isn't true anyway" and I left it where it was. 

 

On the occasion when someone DOES insult me, I just laugh it off and think that they're just insulting me because they're trying to bring me down. So I won't let them. Usually a quick "fuck off" with a big smirk on my face does it

 

Yeah, it was starting to get to a point of paranoia. Where I thought even the smallest jokes were attacks on me. I'm tired of being paranoid too! 

[Irish Oisin]

The book The Four Agreements has great advice about life, and in particular about when people comment on you or say what could be perceived as insults.

 

Don't take things personally.

 

If someone says something to insult you, it's because they're usually jealous of your success, or they want to bring you down, or they wish they could be like you, so they try make you feel bad. After I read that, I completely changed with this kind of thing, I don't take anything personally

[sumdawgtwigg]

I'll def look into reading that, today. I picked up a book that really helped me out during this whole thing "F##$ it" is the title. It says pretty close to the same thing you said, don't take things personally, and usually when someone says something mean to you it has more to do with their bullshit, not yours. 

[Timmy M]

i was bullied quite a lot when i was younger so i tend not to care for what people say anymore, though i do have this thing i've thought up... if someone says something mean/nasty etc ask yourself first, is it true? if no then they're either liars or assholes so fuck 'em and if it is true then who cares? if it's something you're willing to change then you'll feel more willing to change it if it's something you can't change then it doesn't matter, if it's something you won't change cause you like it then more power to you... and fuck 'em 

 

there's also something i subscribe to, and that's that offence can only be given, you can't take it if it isn't given to you, if you think like that completely then everything's a joke and carry on

[sumdawgtwigg]

Very good points, Timmy. Something else that people have told me that has helped is this; If someone says something to try and hurt you or just be mean, don't give them the satisfaction of getting what they want, which is to bring you down in some way. It drives them crazy to see that whatever they were trying to do didn't work. Doing that also kind of gives you something to judge their reasoning with. If they were trying to be jerks then they usually keep pushing to try and get the reaction they want. 

[JonDixonYT]

I hope that things continue to improve for you.  I've never had the problem of being overly sensitive, but as a youngster I used to have quite the temper.  I would fly off the handle quite a bit.  Instead of things upsetting me for days, I would lose my temper and either get in a fight or break something.  One day I decided that this was not the person that I wanted to be, so I made an effort, every time I was feeling angry, to take a step back and evaluate if I had any right to be angry.  They way I went about it is that I would look at my situation and imagine trying to justify my anger to a third person, or what I advice I would provide to someone who came to me with that exact situation.  I found that really helped me to figure out what was just my emotions controlling me and what was justified (at least in my head).

 

I'm not sure if this will help or not, but that is how I went about getting my emotions under control and now allowing them to control me.  It works most of the time.

[sumdawgtwigg]

I hope that things continue to improve for you.  I've never had the problem of being overly sensitive, but as a youngster I used to have quite the temper.  I would fly off the handle quite a bit.  Instead of things upsetting me for days, I would lose my temper and either get in a fight or break something.  One day I decided that this was not the person that I wanted to be, so I made an effort, every time I was feeling angry, to take a step back and evaluate if I had any right to be angry.  They way I went about it is that I would look at my situation and imagine trying to justify my anger to a third person, or what I advice I would provide to someone who came to me with that exact situation.  I found that really helped me to figure out what was just my emotions controlling me and what was justified (at least in my head).

 

I'm not sure if this will help or not, but that is how I went about getting my emotions under control and now allowing them to control me.  It works most of the time.

 

I think it will be a great help. Like you said, just step back from the situation and try to see it from the outside. One of these moments happened a couple days ago and I think that I handled it quite a bit better than normal. Yeah, it still bothered me for a bit, but not near as long as it would have before. It's just going to to take some time. 

[JonDixonYT]

I think it will be a great help. Like you said, just step back from the situation and try to see it from the outside. One of these moments happened a couple days ago and I think that I handled it quite a bit better than normal. Yeah, it still bothered me for a bit, but not near as long as it would have before. It's just going to to take some time. 

That's awesome - progress is progress.

 

Good job!

[Terinatum]

Hey everyone,

We seem to be in pretty good consensus. There is something I would like to offer as a way to deal with the ruminating that happens after the fact. I did a lot of work with this method and it takes some getting use to. It's called The Work by Byron Katie. Her emphasis is on weather or not you can know the things you are saying you know or more to the point assuming about other people's actions and words. I rebelled a few times because it really makes you dig deep. If you use the worksheet after one of these incidents, it may help reason out what really happened and how you can look at things differently. I think it also helps me decide what changes, if any, that I can make with the relationship in question. It's not for everyone, but taking a look at it can give you another option in dealing with the sensitive part of yourself that I believe should be protected and free.

 

Judge Your Neighbor 

 

Best of Luck to all of us who deal with the unfortunate decisions of others. T

[sumdawgtwigg]

I'll def give it a try, Terinatum! 

[Guest asdf]

One of the biggest life lessons I've had in college is to not care what other people think of you. If someone does not like you or feels the need to throw insults around, that's their problem, not yours, and there is no reason to get emotionally affected by such things that are completely insignificant in the grander scheme of life. Unfortunately you can't be well liked by everyone, so don't worry about it and just make sure you treat everyone with respect regardless of how they treat you back, and know that any bad words sent your way are really just empty.