Finding my way.

[csouter02]

Hey guys,

 

I just want to start off by saying I love Nerd Fitness and the support that comes from the site! 

 

Lately I have had a string of bad luck that has led me to kind of get into a funk.

 

Besides going into the gym and hitting the weights hard, and training for a career in the fire department, nothing else seems to really be working out for me.

 

My friends have all but disappeared out of my life, which leads to a lot of lonely weekends, my girlfriend dumped me a few months ago, I just turned 30 and I am still not making a good enough living to move out of home, I never finished college but I am currently enrolled in the new semester, and my sister is suffering from major depression issues and tried to take her own life.

 

All of this topped off by no support from family, and my dad being no where to be found in my life. 

 

Any tips/ideas on what I can do to make life better? Being thirty now has really hit home, and caused a major depression issue with me. I feel like just quitting my current job and following my passions but I have no support or help from anyone.

 

There are days where my phone doesn't ring or go off for days from friends. Am I too old to be feeling this way NF community? Should I continue my quest of doing better at the gym.

 

HELP!

[tseecka]

I think it's great that you've enrolled in college for next semester--I find I miss it sometimes, between learning new things and having that opportunity to jump into situations with new people, so that's a great start! I know it can be tempting to drop everything and pursue something you love, but when the time and money aren't there, it becomes more frustrating of an idea than a freeing one.

 

Not gonna lie--I feel disillusioned with my life sometimes, and I'm only 24 and certainly don't have anywhere near the pressures that you do. But you've joined a great community and I know we will all help you to stick it out as best we can.

 

In the meantime, may consider a new hobby? Take something up that isn't necessarily related to fitness, but that will help enrich your brain and maybe give you opportunities to meet new people? I always turn to studying a new language--it's interesting and fun, it engages my brain, I get to meet new people via forums and second-language practice sites, and it fuels my dreams of the future. If I want to be able to travel the world in the pursuit of tea, I want to be able to talk to people in the countries I visit in their native tongues!

[I-Jo]

make friends at the gym

 

can't do anything about people wanting to be with you.

 

keep yourself busy- find ways to occupy your time.

 

take on a part time job (I have 3 jobs- trust me- I'm hella busy and I LOVE it)

 

Join a book club- go rock climbing, join a bike club- take a spin class.

 

there are just certain things that you CANNOT control.  so don't beat yourself up over it.  Control YOU and your reactions and your life.    power through!

[Thilde]

make friends at the gym

 

can't do anything about people wanting to be with you.

 

keep yourself busy- find ways to occupy your time.

 

take on a part time job (I have 3 jobs- trust me- I'm hella busy and I LOVE it)

 

Join a book club- go rock climbing, join a bike club- take a spin class.

 

there are just certain things that you CANNOT control.  so don't beat yourself up over it.  Control YOU and your reactions and your life.    power through!

^^^This.  Also, maybe a therapy session or two?  Sounds like you've got a lot on your plate.  Full disclosure: I'm a clinical therapist by trade so that's why it's one of the things I'm likely to recommend.  I actually seek a therapy session myself from time to time to help process through stuff like this.  If money is an issue, a lot of therapists offer sliding scales to fit a tight budget.

 

I just recently figured out that loneliness is a HUGE issue for me.  I am very isolated, far from family, and I have only a small handful of in-real-life friends who all live very far away.  So I am alone a lot.  I have started looking for community events and activities to participate in.  I just signed up for an 8wk running series to meet some new people.  And NF helps me a LOT.  Find people here on NF you can Skype or do Google+ hangouts with....even just a few minutes of video chat with a likeminded friend every so often can do wonders for helping you feel like you're not alone, like you're part of the wider world.  Hey, I am on Google+!  And lots of other Rebels are too.   Reach out to us, whether by private message, email, video chat, etc. 

 

Also, meditation helps me manage my mood too.  At first I was doing it to "achieve something" like achieve relaxation, or achieve a better mood.  Now I meditate just to sit with myself in whatever state I may be in.  Letting myself be whatever I am in the moment, without judging myself or demanding that I be/feel/act/think differently, is the most kind gift I can give to myself. 

 

Hang in there.    You're not alone.

[I-Jo]

agreed.

 

I put off therapy for months- and I finally started going I was nervous and thought I was "broken" I had to cut back to 2 times a month (so every two weeks) and found I really missed my sessions- and I still kind of miss not going. 

[csouter02]

Thank you everyone for the replies. I actually decided to bite the bullet and go to therapy myself today. I hope it goes well and I benefit from it.

 

My biggest concerns lately are having to do with living in New York. A lot of people don't have "time" to be friends with you, so making friends at the gym is tough. If you talk to someone they think weirdly of you, especially women lol. 

 

Taking on another job has been on my agenda for a while now. How do you balance all of the jobs together?

 

I just recently got a new job, and now they are closing my work space for six months so I may be out of a job or will have to travel very far to work. At least three hours one way. So that pissed me off too.

 

Any ideas on what places you can join a club?

 

If you anyone ever wants to do  a google hang out or Skype let me know. That sounds like it would be nice too. Thanks for the feedback everyone.