How to tell someone...

[Duality]

I shall!

[Duality]

She actually brought it up yesterday...

 

Her mom bought her summer shorts that were a bit too tight and her mom was like "Are you still planning to lose weight?" (because my gf talks to her mom about losing weight), and she said "yes" so she kept them. I then said, "Well if ever you need help, let me know!" with a big (friendly and loving) smile. She didn't make too much fuss about it.

 

I then asked her if she wanted to go for a walk today and she said yes with a big smile, it seemed like a questions that she had waited that I'd ask for ages

[I-Jo]

WIN!!!!

 

Yay- that's great.  This is good.  

[Duality]

We'll see how it goes tonight ^^ I'll keep you posted

 

ps, it all happened much faster and better than I expected

 

pss, thanks guys *shy face*

[I-Jo]

Some things are literally WAITING to happen- and when one thing clicks- it clicks and the pieces go.  It's a nice feeling for sure.

[junk7321]

And so the journey begins...

 

Keep us posted!

[Cr33g]

When I was overweight in the past, my cousin tried to help me by pretty much blatantly telling me, "Craig I have something I want to talk to you about." I was like "What is it?" and he goes "You're getting kind of fat." - it was very blunt, it was forward and instantly, I felt hurt and became defensive. My cousin offered to help me by "training" me and making me do exercise. It didn't do much good, all I was doing was weight lifting and hell, I wasn't doing it properly. I was doing it all wrong.

 

Few years later, my mum tells me that I'm getting overweight, but she just flat out said "You need to lose some weight." - that hurt, and made me very defensive.

 

Maybe I'm wrong, but in my experience from once being over weight to knowing over weight people, they tend to already know overweight and they can be insecure about themselves. When their weight is bought up, especially around other people (which is kinda bad if it's done like that), then they become the centre of attention, all eyes on them and they feel horrible for it. Often when people try to discuss their weight issues, the person may feel like they're being attacked and insulted, may be offended and may become defensive.

 

It's difficult, but try to ease into it, try to express your concern gently. You're doing it because you care about her health, her well being and her future, right? Maybe you could offer to help exercise with her, or try to find a physical activity that you can both do together and enjoy? It could start as something simple like going for a walk together in the afternoon or evening, maybe building from there? Start slow and steady?

As for nutrition, maybe you could eat healthy foods with her, if you don't already? If you go out together, eat something healthy together? Prepare healthy food together at home?

 

It was nice of you to offer her gym membership but if you don't mind me asking, did you go to the gym with her? Did you work out with her if you did? Maybe you could try, if you haven't already?

 

Best of luck man. I hope it all goes well.

[ETFnerd]

i though you were going to say:

 

... that she smells

[goodbyeharrison]

i though you were going to say:

 

... that she smells

 

 

give them a stick of deodorant. problem solved.

[ETFnerd]

i would say that's problem masking rather than problem solving... ;-)

[goodbyeharrison]

Well I don't see hosing someone down and bathing them as being feasible...so deodorant is the next best bet.

[ETFnerd]

i think this is a problem of incentives... how about offering the girlfriend a magic bar of soap that drops a million bucks in her pocket every time she uses it... i'm an economist (sort of) so just assume that such a bar of soap exists...  :-)

[childofscorn]

So here's something that has helped me in the past, when my best friend was constantly talking about wanting to lose weight and work  out, but then finding a thousand excuses not to: I asked her to help me on -my- weight loss journey.  I confided in her that I wasn't strong enough to do it on my own, and that I really needed her to be my support and motivation, etc. etc. and once she was doing it to help someone else instead of herself, she started being a lot more consistent and positive about it.  You might try to adapt this technique to help your girlfriend by getting her to help you on your fitness journey.

[Zorch]

Maybe I'm wrong, but in my experience from once being over weight to knowing over weight people, they tend to already know overweight and they can be insecure about themselves. When their weight is bought up, especially around other people (which is kinda bad if it's done like that), then they become the centre of attention, all eyes on them and they feel horrible for it. Often when people try to discuss their weight issues, the person may feel like they're being attacked and insulted, may be offended and may become defensive.

 

It's difficult, but try to ease into it, try to express your concern gently. You're doing it because you care about her health, her well being and her future, right? Maybe you could offer to help exercise with her, or try to find a physical activity that you can both do together and enjoy? It could start as something simple like going for a walk together in the afternoon or evening, maybe building from there? Start slow and steady?

As for nutrition, maybe you could eat healthy foods with her, if you don't already? If you go out together, eat something healthy together? Prepare healthy food together at home?

 

I think weight loss is really about turning the balance of a few factors in a positive direction:

 

1. Motivation - shaming people may work for a few people, but for most it just pisses them off/depresses them/makes the psychological aspects of weight loss even worse for them.  The trick is to help someone find their motivation, so they have their own, internal reason for wanting to get in better shape.  I'm not a psychologist, but when I was overweight for a few years back in 2003-2008, I knew it - but it took me some time to find my own internal motivation to put forth a sustained effort.  This one isn't easy, and sometimes folks have to find it on their own.

2. Barriers to execution - if you can bring these down, the person is a lot more likely to have success.  I think this is where you can have the biggest impact.  Many people who are overweight/out of shape don't want to go to the gym, or to run outside because they don't want others to see them as out-of-shape, struggling to keep up.  This is where being supportive is critical - convincing someone that they can execute their fitness plan, free of judgement, can go a long way toward helping - maybe it's something like an in-home bodyweight workout, or something that doesn't seem like "work" but is actually a good workout, like going for a hike.  The more you can help eliminate psychological barriers, the more you're setting your friend/girlfriend up for success.

3. Healthy habits - this is where you shop together, and focus on buying healthy foods that you can prepare at home, go on walks, etc. - Encourage good decisions in a mutual, non-confrontational way. if you go out to eat, choose places with lots of healthy options on the menu, order shrimp cocktail instead of fried cheese sticks.  Do things you like, eat things that taste good, but help your partner in building healthy choices along the way.  Once you get in a rhythm of making healthy choices, sustaining is much easier than making the change in the first place.