Gothic Sheepdog puppy Needs to Grow Up

[Aikigoth]

Fear not friends, I'm not evoking the age old Nerd-Goth alliance. I'm a Goth-Nerd hybrid as most Goths for life are; we just nerd out on spookier things. I was reading the Art of Manliness blog today and it touched on the idea of sheep, sheepdogs and wolves; I think I'll use that to explain my feelings. 

 

I am getting fit for a few reasons: 

 

1. The world is taxing enough without me hating myself- and I hate the weight I've ballooned into.

 

2. I protected people growing up. My little sister, my friends, and whoever needed help. Although it was mostly bark, sometimes it did get psychical. My bark has gotten great over the years but my bite hasn't. I realized today that if my boyfriend was unconscious, I wouldn't be able to haul him very far- if I could pick him up at all. What if saving the day involves sprinting? Or heavy lifting? 

 

I feel like a little sheepdog puppy that did good in sheepdog school but hasn't grown up yet. 

 

3. I love Aikido. It's the thing that helps turn my natural 'wolf' tendencies (capacity for violence) towards the sheepdog path. It teaches me empathy- for myself and others. And it gives me the chance to still be an effective sheepdog when I am very old. But being out of shape and weak makes training hard. It makes me worry about getting up after each technique rather than focus on the ukemi (the falls) I should be learning

 

. ..I fear Sensei is going to test me again soon and put me in a hakama. And then I'll had committed two cardinal 'sins' of martial arts (which I ignore most of the time): being a ranked female and being fat. And I'll never get out of the cycle of comparing myself to my skinny boyfriend. (We do Aikido together and hold the same rank.) 

 

As a kid I was what the health fitness subsection of biology is now calling 'fat-fit'. I carried a bit around the stomach but I ran with the boys- tumbling, soccer, fighting, whatever. At 15 I got summer employment there and dropped a size or two. My stomach wasn't perfectly flat ( and I ran like a hamster in the apartment gym trying to get there) but I was happy. Then we moved towns and the only place that was hiring was McDs. Long story short, I gain a ton of weight over the next 3 years.  hit college, found Aikido and dropped a size and a half in the first year. I wasn't thin (or close to it) but I felt like a kid again. A bit pugy but running around doing 6 martial arts class a week. 

 

Then, last spring I injured my knee. MCL partial rip. It took me out for months. I stayed at home, hermiting. I grew depressed and fatter. When I finally came back to Aikido in mid June (thankfully because I had been organizing the national summer camp) I couldn't even do a single class. I used to do 4 hours straight of this stuff. 

 

We don't own a scale. But I weighed myself at the gym after yoga Saturday and it hit 208. I'm 5 feet 9.5 inches tall. That 208 number is after several weeks of work. Of a better diet, Aikido 3 times a week and now yoga 4 times a week. 

 

It's enough. I love training to take down big guys yet I was letting a fork and apathy stop me dead in my tracks. 

 

I decided to get in shape June 15th, 2013. By my best guess I am carrying around 50 extra pounds. Because I want to get my next tattoo on my hip and Sensei tests around December, I will be fit by December 15th. 

 

On the way to and past that goal I will: be able to complete 100 push-ups. 

 

Do ten pull ups. 

 

Deadlift my old body weight (208). 

 

Fireman's carry my boyfriend a quarter mile. 

 

 

-Z the Aikigoth