dealing with negativity

[Jaymee]

I just need some advice on coping with negative coworkers. I'm blessed to have support outside of work but I spend 40+ hours a week with people who seem to believe trying to level up is a waste of time. They act like we should be grateful for our crappy job and never think about more. I am grateful I have a job and can pay my bills but I want more. I want to be happy at work at make a difference in peoples lives.

 

The worst part is they are making me feel guilty for trying to do better because they "can't". It's just really hard to keep positive when they make me feel so bad for trying to push myself.

[Evicious]

First thing that comes to mind is to ask, how are you discussing your plans/ideas of leveling up with them? Are you talking comparing where you are now/what you do now in a negative to light to what you are working towards for later? Try to think back on conversations you've had about those things and evaluate your words and tone honestly. If it turns out that maybe you have been putting your (and hence, your coworkers') current situation in a negative light, that could explain why they feel the need to argue that "here is good enough" - because to them it sounds like you're putting them down by talking about changing your circumstances and self for what you consider to be "better (than them)".

 

It is very common though for most people to react to someone else's enthusiasm for change by immediately saying that they "can't". I think Steve's written an article on what "can't" is such an automatic excuse, but it basically boils down to laziness. Change is difficult; not changing is easy. Not changing to be better just because you're lazy isn't acceptable though; however, if you have a "reason" why changing is impossible for you, then not changing for the better becomes acceptable.

 

Being lazy is bad. It's bad for you, and it's bad for everyone else in your life that relies on you. You're not being lazy. You're doing good. And doing good shouldn't be twisted into something bad. So if you can honestly evaluate your interactions with your coworkers and know for certain that there is zero reason for them to be negative about what you're doing to move up in life and where you want to be....

 

Don't talk about it with them. If they see you doing something and ask about it, answer them honestly and respond to any negative comments with a simple, "Thank you for your opinion." Then keep doing whatever it is without further ado. If they continue to remark on it, tell them politely that you understand their opinion on it now, that you don't feel the same way, and that you would appreciate it if they would keep their remarks to themselves on the topic. Any continued grief they give you is grounds for the silent treatment (professional, of course ) and/or a talk with their supervisor.

 

Don't bother judging them for not being interested in helping you, or being excited for you. Everybody has their reasons for how and what they think about things, including other people's decisions. Make a point to literally mind your OWN business and let them get on with theirs. Doing so also gives you a little bit of ammunition, in that you can always reply to especially earnest aggravators, "Listen, I don't judge you for living your life the way you do; you have no grounds for judging me for how I live mine."

 

And about the part where they're "making you feel bad" for wanting to be better: 1. Never let your emotions dictate your actions, and 2. People who consistently attempt to emotionally manipulate you into fitting into THEIR comfort zone are people you probably don't need to be friendly with - ever. Think about it.

[girljen]

 

And about the part where they're "making you feel bad" for wanting to be better: 1. Never let your emotions dictate your actions, and 2. People who consistently attempt to emotionally manipulate you into fitting into THEIR comfort zone are people you probably don't need to be friendly with - ever. Think about it.

YEAH!!  *high-five*  That is SO true!

 

It's hard to be surrounded by people who have a completely different outlook on life than you do; whose priorities are so out of sync with yours.  Humans want to fit in.  We are social creatures who want companionship and a sense of belonging, and who want to feel like they're doing the right thing.  So when a group of your fellow humans makes you feel like an outsider for whatever reason, it hurts.  Maybe it shouldn't...but it does.

 

So.  Keep your cards close to your chest with your coworkers, and reach out to those who do support you.  I've lost track of how many breaks I've spent on the phone with friends and family, especially back when I was at a job where I felt like I didn't belong.

[Jaymee]

Thank you both so much. It is entirely possible I was *too* excited about going back to school and perhaps they took that to mean I want a job that is "better than them". I want a job that is better for me, this job is fine (i'm a receptionist) but I want to help people change their lives. I've been open about different ideas for possible careers since I started here, this was never meant to be forever. It is what i've always wanted and they knew that..but now that is actually happening they don't support it anymore. keeping in mind one coworker does have a better job than me, the other is my equal who also talks about leaving/doing better and I thought I was being helpful by encouraging her to do better as well because she totally could. I've never meant to hurt anyones feelings but maybe I did. I honestly just believed they both deserve alot better than they get. We have all looked/thought about getting different jobs. So it probably is partially my fault and partially their own complacency.

 

I just feel so out of place here and that hurts but you're right I don't need to talk to them and I don't need to be friendly with them besides the normal work stuff. I can come in and do my job and go home and talk to people who care. It is just tough to not be able to be friendly with the people I spend so much time with, my other jobs were so different.

[I-Jo]

I surround myself with awesome people because well... I'm awesome.

 

It's most often people who are beneath you will drag you down- and yes- you have to look back- you are only looking backward to extend a hand to someone REACHING UP TO YOU WHO IS LOOKING TO MOVE FORWARD.

 

Be friends with the most awesome people you can- people who will help you- people who will lift you up- people who WANT to be lifted up.

 

I know at work is hard... you can't chose to be with them- but you can reduce your interaction and don't discuss outside things- talk about the weather and plan your big break.  I'm sure someone else there has big dreams and wants to move on too... find them and connect with THAT person. 

[Jaymee]

I surround myself with awesome people because well... I'm awesome.

 

It's most often people who are beneath you will drag you down- and yes- you have to look back- you are only looking backward to extend a hand to someone REACHING UP TO YOU WHO IS LOOKING TO MOVE FORWARD.

 

Be friends with the most awesome people you can- people who will help you- people who will lift you up- people who WANT to be lifted up.

 

I know at work is hard... you can't chose to be with them- but you can reduce your interaction and don't discuss outside things- talk about the weather and plan your big break.  I'm sure someone else there has big dreams and wants to move on too... find them and connect with THAT person. 

 

This is great, thank you. Perhaps it is time to make some new friends who have similar goals and dreams.