I Quit My Job Today

[Deis]

...and, no, I don't have another one lined up. I'm also not going to reveal my previous workplace in this post, as there's no point burning more bridges. It is a fast food restaurant, I'll give you that much. I worked in the lobby, keeping it clean and taking care of customers.

I've worked at the same place for almost three years (the anniversary would have been the 27th of this month). It has made me miserable since day one.

It wasn't all bad, but it was bad enough.

At first, I kept searching for other jobs. Somehow, I stopped. I'd come home, and I'd think, well, I've got another paycheck in the bag, I'll be fine for a bit. Some days, I'd still send out CVs, but it wasn't urgent.

In short, I was dying by inches. What's that metaphor from that volcano film? About the toad, who will sit there and slowly boil to death, as water heats up. I was doing that; letting the temperature rise around me, not really noticing that it was getting a tiny bit worse every day.

What brought everything to a head was this.

I was given two weeks off, since my workplace was being refurbished. Yesterday, my first day back, wasn't so bad. I worked a ten and a half hour shift, but there was so much new stuff to explore, and to show the customers that it was quite enjoyable. Plus, for the busier parts of the shift, there were two of us working in the lobby, which has never happened before. It made life so much better; I didn't have to run between the lobby, crewroom and carpark, making sure they were all clean, at all times. I didn't have to prioritise tasks quite as urgently. I didn't have to make a choice between interacting with customers and keeping things clean.

Today wasn't like that. Today, I was criticised for failing to be in three places at once. My manager told me that the person who'd taken care of the lobby in the morning had done so successfully, with the implication that he'd worked better than me, despite having never worked in the lobby before. The most unfair thing was that that person had not taken care of the lobby. Bins were overflowing, the carpark was a tip, the floors were messy...if I hadn't had to spend so long taking care of this, then I wouldn't have been behind on other tasks, which had built up while I was taking care of those.

When I mentioned this, the store manager belittled my experiences, opinions, and knowledge, and basically told me that I didn't know what I was talking about.

(I should point out here that I was good at my job. I know this because the customers liked me, and they regularly complimented the cleanliness of the store. We also scored highly with mystery shoppers. Besides which, I was the second longest working lobby-hostess - I had to have been doing something right).

One of the other managers working today is a total megabitch. She continually makes nasty comments and insults employees. Today was no different.

Obviously, I cannot get everything done at once, especially not if there's already a backlog because morning didn't do everything they were supposed to. I prioritise tasks, and then work down the list.

(Trivia; I used to picture this like I was a Sim. Like, lining up the tasks across the top of the screen).

This manager decided to criticise me, every other minute, for not doing the next task on the list ten minutes ago. When I moved to that one, to shut her whiny ass up, she'd criticise me for not finishing whatever I had been working on, or had been going to work on before she'd told me to do something else.

She also has a history of making nasty comments, which I think I mentioned above. These include things like after another manager thanked me for working a shift; "Why thank her?". He tried to explain that it was simply a nice and polite gesture to make, and she was still arguing with him about it as I left the building. I'm told that she's like that to everyone.

Another member of staff seems to have taken her as his role model. He continually tells other members of staff how to do their jobs, and makes the same nasty comments. He also seems to decide which members of staff to be nasty to at random, and has no sense of professionalism. At the start of today's shift, he suggested that I work only in a scarf and trousers, with no shirt, in front of the store manager (so he didn't even realise what he was saying was totally inappropriate).

I've been repeatedly harassed by customers in this position. One group of teenage boys were particularly bad, culminating in an event where they made sexually threatening comments, and followed me to the bus stop after my shift. They were banned from the store for this...until they apologised to another manager, who had nothing whatsoever to do with the event. Then it was totally okay. I was told that I should simply avoid them. In my own workplace. Which is a medium-sized store (British medium, not US medium; American stores are huge!). All of which I was expected to keep clean, the entire time I was avoiding them. Because, of course, it was totally my fault if they harassed me, if I didn't stay out of their way.

This reaction to such things was not unprecedented. I was attacked in November of 2009. I was due to work the next day, after having been up all night, making a statement. At 6am, when I was due to start work, I called in to explain why I couldn't. The manager who took this message was great about it, but he didn't pass the message on. Which meant I had to explain what happened to yet another manager the next morning, after no sleep, no food, and quite a lot of alcohol, during an extremely emotionally difficult time. I was also promised sick pay, which I didn't receive, making things even worse.

After this, I became unwilling to leave the store during the hours of darkness, while alone. We're not actually supposed to; there are supposed to bet two of us, if anyone ever has to leave the store for whatever reason (except to go home). This rule was usually bent, or ignored totally.

I became particularly afraid of taking the bins out. Going home was fine; it was one bright and crowded street to the bus stop, with my phone in my pocket. Taking the bins out required walking to the back of the store, in complete darkness, out of sight of crew and cameras, with no one who would be likely to check on me if I were missing for a while. And no one could have heard me scream.

I explained this to the managers, who were mostly okay with it. Except for the manager and coworker mentioned above. They continually implied that I was slacking off, and not doing my job. When I brought up the attack again, both of them mocked me for it. The manager told me I was a grown woman, and shouldn't be frightened of something so silly. The coworker made a crude joke about another member of staff being the attacker.

It's not so much these events themselves, as the attitudes they showcase. The lack of concern for my safety, as an employee. The sheer lack of consideration over an extremely traumatic event. The victim-blaming. The constant dismissal of my knowledge, experiences, and opinions. The nasty remarks and insults.

Another example of the lack of consideration; after having worked with the same, relatively small (about 40 employees total, 10 or so per shift), group of people for three years, very few of them refer to me by the correct name. Not even the managers, whom I've worked with for almost every shift, for almost three years. They can't take the time to remember my name.

So, at some point today, all of this came to a head. And I thought, fuck it, I'd rather starve, and handed in my notice there and then.

I'm terrified.

Writing this has helped. Whatever happens now, at least I won't accept that as my due.

[Havock]

Sometimes you have to stand up for yourself. I used to work in retail, and my worst bosses thrived there. I recall having to work one day with a 103 fever. I had to keep sitting behind the register between customers to keep from passing out. I didn't get any kind of concern or thanks. Not even a "you okay to drive?"

Work on a kick ass resume, you know you're strengths and convey them well. There's a better job out there. Good luck

[Kristen]

That sounds like a terrible job, and a good move leaving it. I've been there, stuck in a terrible job. Once I quit a particularly bad one with nothing lined up, and I got an offer the next day. Things work out! Good for you for standing up for yourself. I hope something new and much better comes along soon.

[tsuchinoko92]

That job would have made a saint chop off heads.

You made a wise choice to quit such a torture.

Another job, better than the last, will be available soon, so keep your spirits up Deis!

[Centurion]

Good for you for quitting, that place sounds like a hell-hole. I used to work at the local hotel during my summer's off from university and, while it was no where near as bad as the job you described, it didn't take long before I absolutely despised working there. It was a combination of poor pay (only just above minimum wage), terrible hours (working 12:00 in the afternoon until between 2:00 and 4:00 in the morning on a Saturday when there was a wedding in was pretty much a weekly event), often having to work alone (regular shifts that weren't on wedding days were often 8 hours of setting up rooms by myself, usually not finished till about 11 o'clock, and were often boring as hell as there was never enough work to do but you were required to be there in case a customer called down to reception wanting something) and management that clearly didn't care about the staff. In short working there made me very depressed. So last summer instead of getting home from Uni and going down there to tell them I was back to get some shifts, I just didn't. I spent most of the summer applying unsuccessfully for other jobs. Luckily I had some money from my student loan left over, a bit of savings and my overdraft to support me. It wasn't easy and I spent most of the summer with basically no money but I knew it was better than going back to a job where I was completely miserable. About halfway through the summer a friend of mine said he could get me a job at a near by restaurant where he worked, so I started working there and everything was much better. I'm still working there and while it's not perfect (having to cycle 3 miles to work and back along country roads with no lighting is a pain in the arse, especially when you finished late and it is literally pitch black) but it's by far better than what I had before and I know it's just a stop-gap until I graduate and can get a proper 'career' job.

tl;dr: If your job is making you unhappy, leave. It may be harder now but it'll be worth it in the long run

[Deis]

Thanks, Havock. You're right about the resume/CV.

I figured it out, and, with some cutbacks, my bills should be okay for a bit. I've got one volunteering position with victim support lined up (pending a CRB check and references - hence why I wouldn't reveal my employer. Still need that reference!). There's also a vegetarian cafe just opened, that's looking for volunteers, and I know their weak point is vegan cakes, which happens to be what I'm good at. I'm planning to take in a cake with my application, along with the recipes for the cake and the icing/frosting. That'll get me more experiences and references. Also, the cafe just opened last Wednesday, so they're currently working with very limited staff and opening hours (they rent the space out to other groups while they're closed). Hopefully, they'll take off, and start taking on paid staff, which, most likely, will be taken from the volunteers, if they can (why spend the time to train and get to know a totally new person?).

There's a careers advice charity that I've spoken to before, about writing my CV. I'll make an appointment with them next week, and they can help me to decide how to spin this on my CV and in future interviews (obviously, I can't just say "I quit because they were mean to me!", even if "mean" includes sexual harassment and concern for my safety). Hopefully, they'll also have a couple of leads for jobs. Later today, I'll be blitzing the job sites with my CV.

I have a huge number of transferable skills; my only problem, at the moment, is proving it, hence the volunteering. Things will get better.

Thank you, Kristin and Tsuchinoko. That does help.

Centurion, it's the same for me. Since I'm studying part-time, I won't finish my degree till 2014. On the bright side, hopefully the economy will be in a much better state by then. Besides, I know victim support will sometimes hire volunteers, though they insist on education to a degree level, so with a degree and three years experience, I don't see why they wouldn't hire me.

[67alecto]

Tip for looking for another job. You will need to be careful how you relate this series of events when you are asked the inevitable question "Why did you leave your last job".

Your next interviewer isn't going to know you.

They are only going to have your word for how good of a worker you are since it sounds unlikely you'll get a good reference from the last position. You may want to reach out to the managers who treated you well and ask if you can list them as references/points of contact. You'd probably want to list their cell phone numbers for such references as if an interviewer calls the business, they'll talk to whoever answers and is a manager.

If you start in about how great you were and how much they sucked, that makes you look like you're misrepresenting yourself. It also makes the interviewer worry about what you'll say about them if you quit down the road.

If you say that you quit because you couldn't work with those two co-workers, that makes it look like you can't deal with interpersonal conflicts.

If you talk about how much things changed right before you left, it will make it look like you don't handle change well.

Stress the length of time you spent there, how you came up with your own system of prioritizing your tasks while balancing the needs of the ad hoc customers, and how much you enjoyed coming to work each day. Have 2 or 3 specific examples ready to show how you were able to go above and beyond to get the job done. Even if your next job isn't in customer service, it will show that you take pride in your work.

If pressed on why you left, you need to list reasons like "I was ready to try something new (if the position you are interviewing for is a different field) or "I wanted more advancement opportunities" (if it is the same field).

Prior to my current position, I quit my two previous jobs without having another job lined up. It's scary and liberating. It's also very motivating. It can be very easy to let yourself get in a rut. Leaping out of it will force you to do something.

[mpbstereo]

After reading your story, I applaud you for both taking action and having the courage to share.

Being terrified is good. The intensity of being terrified about the unknown, in my opinion, is directly linked to the intensity of wanting to leave the past behind. It should provide plenty of fuel for you to move forward with your life.

"He who is not every day conquering some fear has not learned the secret of life" - R.W. Emerson. Go forth and Conquer!

[Deis]

Thanks, mpbstereo, that helps.

alecto, I think you're right about being forced to do something. I spoke to one of my managers about references today, and she told me that they'll all be given by the store's relations manager, who has very little to do with the store on a day to day basis. I'm fairly sure of getting a fair reference from them. And yeah, the whole how-to-spin-it thing is why I want to talk to a careers advisor as soon as possible. I want to look for work outside of the food industry, and it's true that there were no opportunities for advancement in my previous position.

I handed in my written notice today; yesterday, I only gave my verbal notice. I literally crowed, as I left the building. I couldn't help it.

[MegaCarp]

Wow, that was brutal Deis, but it also gives insight to some other things you've discussed and I feel I understand better now. As for looking for a new job, always carefully stress over in your mind situations where you've worked in a group copacetic-ally, and of course you tend to get the inverse where they ask you if you had conflicts, how you dealt with them.

I was also asked why I left my previous job, and in my case I was very open about it, and expressed that I didn't feel appreciated nor compensated for my diligent efforts. It was my nice way of saying I never got a raise, vacation time, holiday pay, or insurance, and that despite all that I was treated like a trash heap. Most of all, make your interview answers genuine without being crude. Elegant truthfulness goes quite a way. Good luck!

[mpbstereo]

Elegant truthfulness goes quite a way

quoted for truth

(since i can't just put QFT like in other forums i've posted on. also stands for Quite F*cking True)

[67alecto]

Thanks, mpbstereo, that helps.

alecto, I think you're right about being forced to do something. I spoke to one of my managers about references today, and she told me that they'll all be given by the store's relations manager, who has very little to do with the store on a day to day basis. I'm fairly sure of getting a fair reference from them.

There's verification of previous employment and then there is a true reference. I'm not sure in the UK, but in the US, there's very little an employer can legally disclose when we receive a call. Basically, it's a verification that they did, in fact, work there.

But if you can have one of the managers you got along with write you a reference, that will go a long way.

[Kristen]

Yeah, 67alecto is right about the employment verification/reference thing. Here, to verify employment they just check out the start and end dates. For references, you list them separately on an application and the prospective employer contacts them personally with your permission. I wouldn't worry about your former manager trash talking you.

[Deis]

Thanks, guys. I spoke to one of my managers on facebook earlier, and she's happy to provide me with a personal reference. She's an adult, whom I've known for three years, who's worked with me in a supervisory capacity, so she qualifies.

[zielperson]

Prior to my current position, I quit my two previous jobs without having another job lined up. It's scary and liberating. It's also very motivating. It can be very easy to let yourself get in a rut. Leaping out of it will force you to do something.

This, so very much.

I also did this (several times) and while it scared the leeving bejeebies out of me, it was liberating and always, ALWAYS worth it.

I ended up in better jobs, with better pay and more experience under my belt.

As many, I stayed (spelling?) in bad job environments for far too long. You really need to know when to quit and do it. (One experience still haunts me and some of my friends from that place who finally quit, too ... it has left a mark)

So all the best to you. Props for getting help with the carreer move and deep respect for volunteering.

::zielperson::

[Deis]

...so, I just received a facebook message from an ex-coworker asking if I am currently "giving B.J.s". Colour me fucking furious.

Apparently, it's not even the coworker whose name is on it, since he's currently at work with no computer access. Top suspect is the soon-to-be-manager who suggested I work topless. Or, N, another manager who once repeatedly asked me if I "sucked", until I told him I considered that to be sexual harassment and left the room. It's exactly the kind of thing he'd think is hilarious.

I'm tempted to print out the message and take it along to the jobcentre with me, as an example of the kind of harassment that makes it impossible for me to continue working there. That or send it to the store's owner. He has three daughters himself, and he's always been a lot nicer than the actual managers.

[Centurion]

...so, I just received a facebook message from an ex-coworker asking if I am currently "giving B.J.s". Colour me fucking furious.

Apparently, it's not even the coworker whose name is on it, since he's currently at work with no computer access. Top suspect is the soon-to-be-manager who suggested I work topless.

I'm tempted to print out the message and take it along to the jobcentre with me, as an example of the kind of harassment that makes it impossible for me to continue working there.

Take it along to a lawyer and sue them for sexual harrassment

[Deis]

I don't know if I can do that, since the entire event took place outside of the working environment, and stuff that did happen at work isn't documented.

[Kristen]

YES, you need to report that. All of it. It doesn't matter that it happened outside of work. Yes, yes, and more yes. Report those assholes. That is sexual harassment to the highest degree, and it's completely unacceptable. Report it. Seriously.

[Crooked]

I don't know about sexual harassment laws in the UK, but in the US it doesn't matter if the harassment happens at the coffee machine on a Monday morning or via text message on a Saturday night; harassment among coworkers is harassment.

Kudos for quitting that shitty place, and best of luck looking for new, non-shitty employment.

[Gathris]

I don't know if I can do that, since the entire event took place outside of the working environment, and stuff that did happen at work isn't documented.

Report it! There is no excuse for that type of behaviour.

[zielperson]

At the very least take it to the job centre with you.

::zielperson::

[Deis]

I did take it to the police station yesterday. I told them that it's been going on for three years, though it's never escalated this far before, but I was concerned, since it had now spread into my private life. They told me it wasn't harassment, asked why I'd never reported it before, and said they wouldn't be keeping a record - until I started writing down everything they said to me. Then they filed it properly, and offered me an appointment for tomorrow.

Tomorrow, I want to bring up the following;

1. That this coworker has been pestering me for years, and has never once taken the hint before when I've asked him to leave me alone, or when I've reported him to managers.

2. That other coworkers have made similar comments before now - what if they join forces, and decide it would be hilarious to pester me in other ways? Especially since two of those coworkers are managers, and the filing system simply isn't good enough to hide my contact details from them while allowing the store manager to get ahold of me if he needs to.

At the very least, I want a record kept of this report, just in case. Ideally, I'd like someone to go round, and just tell him off for five minutes, so he (and my other ex-coworkers) know I am utterly serious about it.

I find it alarming that, as soon as I left the company, the comments immediately spread into my private life. I do not want them to spread any further.

As for why I didn't contact the police before now;

1. After I was sexually assaulted, the police made me feel a lot worse, and didn't help in any way whatsoever. In fact, I cannot think of a single occasion where I've spoken to the police, and their attitudes haven't made the entire event worse. I'm not sure why they're confused as to why this makes me reluctant to deal with them.

2. Every time, I hoped he'd take the hint and stop, and sometimes he did for a while, or we'd be scheduled on different shifts. Plus, I could go home, and not be bothered. Now though, the fact that it's spread into my private life, once I finally left the company, worries me.

Does all this sound reasonable?

In other news, I've narrowed my interest down to one area - economics. I'm thinking social economics, but, for now, I'm just looking at switching my degree from pure maths to a BSc in Economics and Mathematical Sciences. I don't lose much ground at this point - only 30 points, and that came from a foundation course I did to make sure I was up to doing university level work. I'll actually finish sooner than I would have for pure maths, since the modules are arranged at more convenient times.

Now I just need to find a job in a vaguely related field, to do until I finish my degree. I'm thinking finance - banking, for instance. Or maybe getting into something for the Birmingham city council? What can socioeconomists do, before they're economists? The only people I know who are doing the kind of work I'd like to do - Stephen Landsburg, Tim Harford, Dan Ariely, Stephen Levitt, Sudhir Venkatesh - work in academics and/or as journalists, and, as far as i can tell, started straight from education.

[mpbstereo]

socioeconomics sounds like a fascinating field... I'm sure there are opportunities within the banking industry for someone with that background/goals, though I'm tempted to say that its sounds like something more suited towards public service than private sector finance, just on the "socio" component alone. I'm unfamiliar with the names you've mentioned, so maybe I'm way off base, but maybe there's some sort of think tank/NGO that can use someone in that field of knowledge.

As per your dealings with the police, that's discouraging to hear. Pardon my ignorance of UK law, but would securing the services of a barrister do you any good? Even just for consulting about your legal options...

Glad to hear you're taking action =)

[jaz]

The problem with lawyers is that they're pricey. Deis it may be a good idea to go to your local Citizens Advice Bureau with all your information as well as taking it to the Job Centre. Hopefully CAB will be able to help you with the law stuff and provide more support than the police. That's pretty disheartening to hear that they are so unhelpful, I know it's tough but keep pushing it. You may find the Job Centre won't be that helpful, I believe at the moment if you quit your job, you won't get jobseekers allowance for 6 months. I could be wrong, and the details of why you quit may help. Definitely keep a record from now on of things which happen - date, time, everything. Screenshot the Facebook message if you haven't already.

Good luck, that sounds like a nasty situation to be in, but it won't be forever and you will get through it. One day at a time