Aiming For Equilibrium

[Clove]

First, I'm not looking to erase all emotional and artistic expression from my life. Im not referring to THAT equilibrium.

I want my physical appearance and abilities to match my inner strength and "achievements." I've lost ~80 lbs in the past year and everyone seems to be proud of me. One of my physicians even told me to "keep up the good work." There was little to no work though. I lost the weight from becoming extremely ill. My appendix ruptured and about a month after being released from a lengthy hospital stay, I boomerranged with a partial bowel obstruction. That was about 40 lbs. the rest of the weight came off after the bowel obstruction from an obsession with getting physically fit combined with an irrational fear of food.

I might be at my lowest weight in 10 years, but I feel horrible physically. Im weak, fatigued, and run down. I also feel extremely uncomfortable when people congradulate me on my weight loss. I didn't earn it. I want to feel a sense of pride and accomplishment when someone notices changes in my appearance. I want my strong work ethic and integrity to be seen on my body.

I also have to prove people wrong when they say I can't do something. I can't take calculus? I just did. I can't maintain a full course load and a full time job? Don't make me laugh. I can't get healthy? Watch me.

Current stats:

Gender: female

Age: 24

Height: 5'4

Weight: 208 lbs

I hope eating clean and lifting heavy things will help me feel better, physically and emotionally and prove to myself that I can overcome my health obstacles. : )

[Megoo]

Welcome! I am new here too, and pretty close to the same body type (I'm a little older, but I'm also 5'4" and about 190 lbs.) I too, love proving people wrong! It's just something that motivates me further. The looks on their faces will be prize for me enough. It's also enough to keep me on track! Keep on fighting the good fight! Don't let the muggles get ya down!