I think I've given up.

[giant enemy spycrab]

Efforts to improve my diet have been an abject failure, for a couple of reasons. One is the convience factor. I simply can't get the kind of food I need to eat on a regular basis. Two is my pathetic will power. I can't get myself to do things I like.

 

Exercise has been marginally more sucessful. I tried the Angry Birds workout never actually going any higher than level 1 (not that I didn't make the qualifications). However, lately, I've started skipping days. It dosen't help that my roommates schedule is so unpredictable (I can't exercise if anyone else can see me).

 

To my credit, I did see this coming. I said in my introduction video that I really couldn't see this working out.

 

I'm sorry for being such a downer.

[El Exorcisto]

If you can't see a better future as a result of your actions in the present then you either need to get right with who you are and accept it, or ramp up to the point that you can't live without it. It always goes a lot deeper than diet or weight. It is often misplaced wants to spend your time doing things that in the grand scheme are completely irrelevent. Playing WoW or MtG, while time consuming, are the same as sitting down to a bag of chips and a block of ramen. Sure, they fill the hole but they won't do anything for you besides that. Picking up a barbell or eating real food both fill the hole and give you something tomorrow that you don't have today.

 

If things come hard for you, then grow a pair of balls and learn how to deal with adversity. It grows character and makes you a better person. If you are allergic to testosterone and calluses then develop some self esteem and be okay with being who you are.

 

Being strong and lean are byproducts of an already successful person putting their efforts towards their bodies instead of their minds or careers. If you need some inspiration read Henry Rollins "The Iron" and Dave Tate's "The Void." If either of those don't speak to a downtrodden soul about how to make the darkness go away, I don't know what does.

 

Above all, stop looking for acknowledgement for your actions or pats on the back from people on the internet. Especially when you have resigned yourself to being a victim of your own shortcomings instead of doing what so many of us have done. We CRUSHED them, and it was NEVER easy.

[Waldo]

Why do you need special food and special exercise?

Is eating a little less of what you are currently eating and walking around a little more too much?

But it always comes down to motivation. If you really want to succeed, you will. If you don't, you won't.

[Rostov]

Are you trying to change too much too soon?  What worked for me is changing things a little at a time, and once one thing became a secure habit, I'd move on to something else.  Sounds to me like you're in one of the most difficult phases - when you're making the sacrifices but not yet seeing the rewards.  Once you start to see changes, it's extra motivation to move forward and success can build upon success.

 

What won't work - I don't think - is just trying to change everything at once.  If you're limited in your food options, there will still be better choices and worse choices, and probably portion control (how much to eat) is just as important.

 

I can well understand not wanting to exercise in front of someone else, but I thought the advantage of Angry Birds is that you don't have to do it all at once.  I'd also recommend walking as a very effective, low impact, low risk non-embarassing form of exercise. 

[Zorch]

But it always comes down to motivation. If you really want to succeed, you will. If you don't, you won't.

 

Have to mostly agree with Waldo here - the single most important step to success is finding your motivation - answer the question for yourself - WHY do you want this?  And do you want it enough that you make it a *PRIORITY*?  People who find a powerful source of motivation tend to stick to what they're doing a lot more frequently than those who are motivated simply because it's something they think they should do because others say so.

 

There are little tricks you can do to make things easier or harder for yourself, but a lot of it comes down to how much you want it.

 

And if your roommates are that unspportive that you don't want them to see you exercising, I'd look at getting new roommates as soon as possible, if that is an option.

[I-Jo]

 

Why do you need special food and special exercise?

Is eating a little less of what you are currently eating and walking around a little more too much?

But it always comes down to motivation. If you really want to succeed, you will. If you don't, you won't.

this.

 

and grow a pair.

 

You started OFF with your introduction already doubting yourself.  You were already convinced you weren't going to change.

the day you decide it isn't an option to be the way you are any more- is the day the REAL change happens. 

 

When I make a decision to change something- I often don't say "i'm going to work on X, Y or Z" it sound more like.

 

Today I've decided I'm going to be able to X.  This is what I'm going to do.  And then I'm going to do it.  

 

it doesn't matter how long it takes- but it will almost always happen.  Why?  not because I'm better- or stronger.

But because there was no question in my mind that it was going to happen.  i already committed to making it happen. It was merely a matter of time and dedication playing out to the actual happening. 

 

 

One day you will decide you hate something about who you are or something IN your life- and that you don't want to be that person any more and from that moment forward you are going to be someone else. 

 

and that is when the change happens. 

 

currently?  you defeated yourself before you even started. "to your credit you saw this coming?" no my friend-  that's not credit. that's not a pat on the back for being self aware.  that's a knife you stuck there yourself.

 

 If you don't like something in your life.. YOU are the only one who has the power to change it. 

 

Go to the park. Do it in your room. you don't need much space at all.  join a gym and work out in the aerobics room after they are all done (I have a friend who has severe social issues and PTSD as a former Marine- he's really awesome- but he REALLY struggles being at gym with other people- he prefers to be around 1-2 close friends- or no one... and that's when he would come in and work out)

 

good luck my friend- we are here for you when you are ready- to move on from feeling sorry for yourself. 

[Elastigirl]

Great advice so far. I few thoughts to add

 

Diet: pick one thing to work on and do it. How much pop do you drink in a day? If you drink several cans try to take out 1 can a day. Or make a goal of making sure you get at least 2 servings of veggies a day. Something very easy that you feel you can do. Success makes it easier to keep at your goal. For your first goals, pick something that you feel you can do

 

Angry Birds: same principle.  Ok, you don't want to do them around others.  How about making a goal of doing one set of  planks, push ups, pull up (what ever variaton you are at) and squats a day. You don't have to do them all at one time spread them throughout the day.  Do a plan after breakfast,  a set of push ups a bit later and so on. Do that 3 x a week. Then the next week try for 2 complete sets.

 

 

On working out in front of others. I hear you. That used to be a concern of mine. I had to make it a goal to work out in my fenced backyard. It was super hard for me the first few times I did it. I thought maybe someone would see me, and think who does she think she is? Then I made it a goal to work out in a park. That was really intimidating. But you know what? Almost nobody paid attention to me. One little girl smiled. One teenager snickered, but really did I care what he thought? And along the way I realized that true, I am not the natural athlete. I am not like the bar starz people. I am just a mom type middle aged gal who is trying to get stronger. And maybe, when people see me, they will be inspired and think, hey if SHE can do it, maybe I can to. Who knows, maybe I will start a REVOLUTION of people working out in the park, not because they are great and can show off mad skillz, but because they enjoy moving  their bodies and are working on improving themselves

[Angie_Phoenix]

On people seeing you... I had that too, especially when I started running outside, cause I'm really slow and felt like I looked dumb... truth is we're not as important as we think we are, people really barely pay attention to what we're doing. They are too busy focused on themselves. If they do notice more people than not are impressed we're trying to do anything at all, and if they don't start out that way they will be once they see results.  

 

I'd say more but other people have taken care of it. 

 

You obviously posted this wanting someone to convince you to keep trying but really you are the only one that can do that, but it will be easier if you set small realistic goals and plan for success.  As you hit them you'll develop the confidence to think bigger.

[sheltiechick]

I can't get myself to do things I like.

 

So what's going on that you can't even get yourself to do things you like?  Is this really just motivation, or is something deeper running here?

What happens when you do manage to do things you like - how do you feel?

 

You straight up said in your intro post you struggle with depression and anxiety.  Have you seen somebody about this?  I think you should strongly consider it.  There's depression as in I feel down, and then there's depression that threatens to - and sometimes does - devour you.  If it's the latter, this is a different beast.  And it's not a sign of weakness if you can't simply beat through depression by brute force.  Sometimes you need help from an outside source.  Barry Allen never would have been The Flash if he hadn't been doused in chemicals while being struck by lightning.  It's not like he just woke up one day and decided he was going to be the fastest man alive.

I think you would benefit from getting that help.

 

Don't give up.  You're worth not giving up on even if you don't believe that right now.

Good luck dude.

[CrazyMags]

This is all great advice that I am going to take with me as well... Because I'm only on week 2 of the rest of my life, after several failed "attempts"... There is no more attempting... Why? Because I realized something... Under this extra weight is a body type... And that isn't going to look like anyone else's... It's the one I'm born with, the one that is going to follow me around the rest of my life, whether it is covered in padding or not...

I realized I have to love myself, and the way I am built even with all my quirks! It doesn't matter what your roommate thinks... I can spend the rest of my life hoping my husband will compliment me more... Or I can compliment myself, and if I run out of things to compliment? I can always compliment myself on the effort that I am putting in to make myself better...

El Exorcisto is right, there is always a void that we are trying to fill... Sometimes I fill it with cookies, I admit (lol) other times though, I fill it with poking my arms and saying "hey... I think there may BE something under there!"

Don't give up! You SHOULD see someone whether it is clinical depression or not... I see a counselor who tells me I'm perfectly sane (no matter what my name says...) every week, but she helps me work through the mental roadblocks I put in my way...

Be the best version of yourself you can be! We believe in you!!! <3