Nerdy like a rockstar.

[Exceliber]

To start you all off with a 'tl;dr': It's time to whip myself into shape and be the best I can. Period.

I'm tired. There, I said it. No, I'm not sleepy, I'm not beat, and I don't need a nap. I'm tired of a lot of things, but CERTAINLY not of the people in my life; you all rock. What I AM tired of is thinking I'm too fat, too skinny, too lazy, too... too.. everything. So, I'm going to change it.

I've lost 50lbs, but still feel fat; some days I can't even tell a difference from then to now. Other days, I've lost 50lbs and think I'm too scrawny, and feel self-pitying and weak. Other days, I'm afraid to look in the mirror because I don't like what I see, and don't want to see it anymore. I'm going to change that.

I'm scared of the gym. I'm scared of the muscle-bound hulks lifting and grunting and swaggering. No more. I'll rebel against my own instincts, my own fears. My instinct is to shy away from the gym and the weights, and say 'Maybe tomorrow.. I'll just go run', because I know I'm good at running. I can't stay 'comfortable' anymore, so it's time to learn to be happy being uncomfortable until it's bearable and make the best of it. It's definitely a time to change.

Here's what I'm going to do (and I encourage all of you to join in with me, but only if you want). I'm going to change (Gosh, I sound like a political statement here). Not just my body, but I'm going to change myself. For eight weeks, I'm not looking in a mirror except to shave (or, maybe tie a tie). In those eight weeks, I'm going to squat, deadlift, run, row, and pullup myself into who I want to be. I resolve to face my fears.

I'm building an incentive plan for myself, but I want your help. It sounds weird, but I want your thoughts, I want your own goals, and mostly... I want your support. Because I need it.

Here's my plan:

In 8 weeks, I want to feel stronger. Also, I plan tol gain 10 lbs, but do so healthfully and using as many whole foods as possible. My diet is good, but it could use a little fine tuning. The biggest thing will be going from “Oh, I don't need that (because of the calories)†to “Oh, I don't need that, but I'll eat this instead (and get more nutrition)â€.

My goals/incentives:

1. Be able to do squats and deadlifts safely.

2. Squat 20lbs more in 8 weeks than I can today. (+1 point)

3. Deadlift 20lbs more in 8 weeks than I can today. (+1 point)

4. Break my best mile time, which is 6:42 currently. (+1 point)

5. Gain 10lbs of muscle. (+1 point)

6. Do 5 more pullups than currently possible without stopping. (+1 point)

7. Eat healthfully, consciously, and as much as I need.

8. Go to the gym at least 3x/week. I do my challenges at home, but now I have to go somewhere. (+2 points)

Incentives:

1-2 points- Get a new gym membership at somewhere I actually like.

3-4 points- Set a date, and start saving for my next tattoo.

5-6 points- Get another pair of Vibrams designed for long-distance.

7 points- A week's vacation back home in Indiana, an actual vacation this time (not just a flying trip).

So... Who's with me? Voice your opinion (though if you're just gonna bring me down, please save your breath)! LET'S DO THIS.

[moth]

Read this: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ego_depletion

I found out about this concept from a book titled _Switch_ written (more like compiled) by Chip & Dan Heath. The subtitle is something like, "how to effect change when change is hard." This material plus a bunch of subsequent research put an entirely new perspective in my head about why people seem 'lazy' or 'graceless.' I love how it shifts the focus from how we deal with obstacles from being a moral issue to being one of depleted willpower.

The politics surrounding appearance, vanity, diet and exercise often suck my willpower dry. But you've tapped into the idea of using your own discontent to fight back. This is what keeps me going, too.

[Exceliber]

Well, I've always thought that there's no reason to sit around and mope about things you can change. So, as you said, using my own discontent I'll make myself content. The parts that I can't change, I shouldn't worry about, because it wouldn't do any good anyway.