31 - Asthmatic - Fat - Boring - But I have pink hair!!

[DaniCat]

So...that about sums it up. I'm 31, I'm over 200 lbs, I'm asthmatic, I'm boring, I'm tired BUT I have pink hair! Which, is so important, I know.

So, here's the story morning glories. I've been heavy all my life but for a bit I turned into a huge gym rat. Big on cardo, big on lifting. I'm a girl and I know they all say 'girls don't bulk up' but I have a testosterone imbalance. I'm within normal for chicks but still high so I got super strong super fast and it was awesome!

Well, I have chick problems and was told that I likely would never get pregnant, but, seeing as I was getting healthy and had dropped a lot of weight, whoops. Yeah, there is a failure rate no matter what you use. During my pregnancy, I gained a lot of weight. Then after, I gained more, as I was left home alone with a newborn. My then husband (soon to be ex) volunteered to go to Iraq.

Then, after a year of raising a kid by myself, I get a gtalk message 2 days before he comes home saying home sucks and he'd rather not come back and ps we're so getting divorced. So, enter depression, life upheaval, eviction and loss of the only income I had.

And that's where I am now. Fat, in a funk, tired, and frankly just feeling sorry for myself. I mean, this man left me after I had fully supported him for 2 years while he was jobless, moved while pregnant by myself, set up the house while on bedrest by myself and I even drove myself home from the hospital. And HE left ME. Talk about an ego punch. To top it off, I've never been without a job and now I can't seem to get one.

So, it's time to do something. I was literally brought to tears by the post made about George Costanza. That's me, right now. Everything sucks, everything is bad, I'm living with my parents, it's all...awful. I have to do something. Anything. I don't sleep, I honestly barely eat but when I do it's pure junk. And I smoke, with asthma. WHY?! This is so stupid. I'm also living with a family of enablers. 'Why don't you just have this small piece of cake, it can't hurt, you've been good for 2 whole hours?' ARGH.

Reading everything the rest of you have done, are doing and are starting to do is so uplifting. Reading the messages of support given to each other...it just warms my heart. Like a sign, I just found a postcard I had gotten giving me 90 days free at 24 Hour Fitness. Yes. I CAN do this. I can quit being all the things I hate.

I know this is Nerd Fitness, but really I've given up most video games because they're what my ex picked over me or anything he needed to do most of the time. I also lost the xbox in the divorce. I want to enjoy games again, in moderation. I MUSH now (which is old school online text rpg) but it's not fulfilling. In fact, it just fuels late night junk sessions so I will be quitting that. I wish I could find me a good group of table top players or LARPers. Because yes, I am THAT much of a nerd.

I need to set goals and all of that, but mostly, I just needed this off my chest. I feel...better...actually. Thank you for reading, if you got this far.

TL;DR

I'm all but I'm going to be by hell or high water.

[onlykickingpigeons]

Sounds like you're easily capable of achieving what you want! You've shown your abilities already by helping your ex when he needed you so I'm looking forward to seeing your results here!

Keep it up!

[ninpf]

I've been through the divorce/rock-bottom depression myself, and I remember eventually getting into a mindset that each day things would get better because each moment was a decision: be smart healthy and positive, or hold myself down even longer? I'm glad to see you are already taking the better path by wanting to be fitter and signing up here for some community.

Its like the song, "One Little Victory."

[pixieopower]

ok so this isnt exactly "fitness / healthy orented.. but I have been where you are.... This song helped me through it cuz well... I am a DWEEB and ok with it

Dressden Dolls - Good Day

[Natalie]

after everything you've been through, it's awesome that you're here. once you get started working out, i bet you're going to feel great. you can do it!

[NorthRoad]

you can do it !

as for the astmha. One of my best friends used to be fat, lost his weight , started working, and now he no longer have troubles with his astmha.

[Exceliber]

Going through my divorce is actually what sealed me on working out in the first place. For me, the cardio, minor lifting I was doing, and yoga are really what helped power me through the hard times. On days that I would feel the worst mentally would be the days I'd push the hardest physically. Bit by bit, I pieced myself together and came back stronger, harder, and better.

It sounds like you're making the great first steps, and that I think you'll come back a better person overall. I say: GO FOR IT!