Introduction

[WillToPower]

Hi all,

I’m going to apologize in advance if this post is long or wordy. I tried to write out a draft, which was more than a page long with no end in sight, so I’m going to compress everything so that things aren’t so heavy.

My Story

I spent five years trying to complete a four year degree; it didn’t end well. I put in more time and effort than my classmates, only to get less out of it than they did, and struggled with the clinical/practical aspect of the program – I failed a work placement that was a prerequisite for fourth-year courses, which split fourth year into two years, and a specialty practice that was worth a whole semester’s credits.

While struggling to keep myself afloat during the latter, I ended up putting everything else on the back-burner. I stopped exercising, making myself any food that wasn’t quick and convenient, cleaning my apartment, going out with friends, or taking care of myself. I lost all sense of routine and good habits. It took its toll emotionally, psychologically and physically. My teachers actually staged an intervention.

That was the straw that broke the camel’s back. I knew I had to get out, but I had no idea what I was going to do. My life was off the rails; I had spent so much times struggling that I wasn’t sure that I knew who I was when the struggle finally ended.

So I started seeing several counsellors, including a career counsellor. She noticed some red flags during our first appointment and referred me to the university’s learning disabilities specialist. One thing led to another, and I was diagnosed with Attention-Deficit Disorder (Combined Subtype).

My ADD manifests as:

• Procrastination => I struggle with putting things off, especially when they are things that don’t have deadlines, if they aren’t a priority or necessary, and if I’m not accountable or obligated to anybody else.
• Poor Impulse Control/Self-Control => At my worst, I was prone to impulsive spending, especially when it came to food, which led to me gaining weight and losing money. I’ve been getting better, but I still struggle with the impulse to spend and often find myself impulsively buying snack food, which is usually gone within a day or two.
• A lack of motivation/drive => I like to distinguish between “ambition†(wanting something) and “motivation†(initiating the actions that lead to something). I have lots of ambition, but no motivation; I want to do things, but find myself incapable of action.
• Other symptoms include: issues with focus and distraction, disorganization and forgetfulness, capriciousness, restlessness, talkativeness, and a lack of a filter.

Let’s get back on track…

I’ve since started a new degree, a double-major that I’m currently excelling in. However, I’ve spent so much time focusing on school in order to not muck up a second degree that I’ve let everything else stagnate; I still haven’t made progress when it comes to rebuilding good habits.

At the moment, I’m taking a summer course, working a part-time job, and volunteering in research labs. I am keeping myself busy, but I know an opportunity when I see one and I don’t want to let it go to waste.

[WillToPower]

Hello again,

Sorry to add more words to this post, but I wanted to talk about what I want to get out of NF.

Why I'm Here:

As I've previously mentioned, I’m struggling with a lack of good habits and a lack of drive to make a change. I want things and can give myself reasons to do them, but I am incapable of making them things happen. It’s like there’s a barrier between thought and action, like I can’t muster the willpower necessary to shape the world around me.

Here are some things that I want to change:
• I want to start exercising again; I used to swim, strength train, and run regularly.
• I want to make myself healthy food, instead of buying things that are quick and convenient.
• I want to build good self-care habits – dental hygiene, sleep, cleaning, etc.
• I want to start building habits and using strategies to help cope with my ADD.
• I want to manage my finances.
• I want structure, routine, habit, and control in my life.
• I want to build a foundation for a better me; I want to bring up the baseline.

I’m sure that I could add more, but I’d rather not over-do it. If I can take care of some of these things, I might be able to use that foundation to work on other things in my life.

I hope that the NF Rebellion can help me help myself…