Girl seeks return to health, sanity

[Atreides]

I'm not sure where to start, so I guess I'll pick a point and go.

I'm 23 years old and I currently live near Boston with my fiance, but in a few short months we'll be moving back to the eastern half of MA (Pittsfield, Lenox, Lee area).

We lived there before, two years ago, and my couple of years there marked some of the worst of my life. My weight ballooned upwards of 200 lbs (which on my 5'2" frame is not pretty). I was depressed and suffered two psychological collapses that resulted in me getting to stay in the hospital for a week, each time. I hated the jobs I had to do and hated the hours and stress even more (I am a chef, though I am now a student to change my career).

Part of my agreement with my partner to move back was that I wanted the freedom to focus on my studies, and to focus on myself. Namely, my health, both physically and mentally.

I'm 5'2" and my weight fluctuates between 175 and 190lbs. I have trouble sleeping. My depression and anxiety comes and goes in wild, erratic ways. My periods are no longer regular and I show signs of PCOS... I want to have children in the next few years and even if I can get pregnant, what kind of mother would I be to bring them into an environment with a mother so in shambles? What kind of example would I be setting? In short.. I am very tired of it. Fed up. Over it. My greatest fear with this move is that I'll go back to the way it was before- taco bell every night, lazing around on the couch in front of my laptop playing video games, spiraling into a hazy depression. So I am taking that fear and am going to channel it into action.

1. No more eating out. I'm cooking at home, and will try to do the bulk of my cooking on Sunday. Prep out portions, make "make-ahead" food, all ready to go.

2. Cost of living drops substantially, so the fiance and I are committing to being more active in general when it comes to going outdoors. In the winter, this means buying season passes to a local mountain and going skiing on the weekends. In the summer: hiking, backpacking, and kayaking.

3. Along with the cost of living decrease, the cost of membership to the local Crossfit gym is substantially lower. I've always wanted to try it and I get the feeling that I'll love it, so I'll be doing Crossfit.

I joined hoping for camaraderie, for motivation, and for accountability. And obviously, I welcome any and all advice or encouragement! Thank you for taking the time to read this

[SpeedRacer]

The hardest lift is your ass off the couch.

Once you decide to take control, the rest of your life falls into place quite easily.

[bigm141414]

Welcome to the rebellion. I'm glad you made the decision to be better, mentally and physically. Making the conscious choice to not take the easy way out is always harder than the actual effort.

[catspaw]

My greatest fear with this move is that I'll go back to the way it was before- taco bell every night, lazing around on the couch in front of my laptop playing video games, spiraling into a hazy depression.

Make sure you always have at least one or two meals in your freezer, like a chili you can reheat in a few minutes. When laziness really strikes, putting a container in a microwave is even easier than driving to a taco bell.

Also, make sure that you give yourself permission to go out for meals sometimes, but make it a planned special event. "Don't let perfect be the enemy of good."

[Atreides]

Make sure you always have at least one or two meals in your freezer, like a chili you can reheat in a few minutes. When laziness really strikes, putting a container in a microwave is even easier than driving to a taco bell.

Also, make sure that you give yourself permission to go out for meals sometimes, but make it a planned special event. "Don't let perfect be the enemy of good."

Yeah, my plan is to make meals on Sunday that can be reheated really quickly, just to avoid the whole "oh I'm not feeling like cooking, let's go to taco bell" stuff.

And definitely solid advice on the restaurant thing. I don't think I could 100 percent give up ever eating out.. I mostly really want to avoid doing it often and I really want to avoid doing it at fast food places or places like Applebees, haha.

[faraxk]

Those are all great goals and good for you for deciding to take care of yourself. I love the accountability and support here so you've come to the right place. Welcome!

[trailsnail]

I can definitely relate to this...I've been struggling on and off (mostly on, unfortunately) with depression over the last decade, peaking when we moved to the US. With no friends in the area, no job and no hobbies, I ballooned to 240 and couldn't find a reason to get up in the morning. I've fought my way to a maintainable level of mental health, but I want to be better for my future children. Now that I've finally realized that I do want kids, it's been a great motivator for me. What originally got me excited about life again was getting addicted to hiking...and now that another gloomy winter is upon us, I'm hoping skiing will keep the SAD away.

Anyhoo, I second the tip about making big batches of food to keep in the fridge/freezer. This has kept me from ordering pizza on many occasions.

Good luck, and please keep us posted!

[Rick]

Woohoo! Welcome to the Rebellion! I think you'll do well here. We're rooting for you!

[Breathe]

Big welcome! Read my introduction and you'll see I'm on the same journey as you are! Would be awesome to stay in contact! Send me a message anytime you want if you need some cheering up! This is what makes us stronger every day!

[ETFnerd]

Good planning and good execution will get you to your goals. Love your positive attitude. Don't let obstacles get in your way. They are only there for you to overcome them. Welcome.

[Thenidiel]

It sounds like you have a great plan in place to succeed in your goals.