No Better Time

[tseecka]

Today's NF article showed up in my Inbox a few minutes ago, and all I can say is, it couldn't have come at a better time. 

 

This forum couldn't have come at a better time. 

 

Just a couple of days ago I was talking to my girlfriend about how frustrated I am with my habits, my body, my fitness and abilities. A year and a half ago I ran a 5k race; I think I've been out running once since then. I used to plan my meals every week, and only eat healthy things during the day at work, and while I'm still managing part of that, my "eating out" budget has skyrocketed and I've been single-handedly responsible for decimating the mini-chocolate-bar-supply in my coworker's penguin cookie jar. I used to go to yoga once a week, but no longer; I used to hit the gym every single morning, getting up at 4:30 or 5:00 am to make it there and get in a full workout (alternating strength and cardio) before heading home, hitting the shower, and getting ready to leave for work. 

Dammit, I used to be good. 

 

Going from that, from having those habits and doing those activities, to my now mostly-sedentary lifestyle was insidioius and subtle and I didn't even notice it happening. I'll be honest; I can't explain why I fell off the wagon. I don't have an explanation. I could be lame and blame my relationship; I spend a lot more time with my girlfriend now, and sure, I don't always feel like I am able to make working out and fitness and eating well a priority. But there's a niggling little voice in my brain that says that's just an excuse. That I'd have the time, if I made the time. I haven't been getting the sleep I need, so the early morning rise I used to manage is now a thing of the past--but I still wake up at 5:00 to shut off the alarm I set every night in the hopes that "maybe tomorrow I'll manage to get my act together". I still find myself in front of the TV or my computer more often than not, the controller of my brand new PS4 in my hands, cursing out Bioware for making the Hinterlands just so big; I know I could be doing other things with that time, but I covet the chance I have to lose myself in my favourite video game storytelling franchise.

 

And I've felt like I don't deserve to start over. Like I haven't just died fighting a boss; like I died fighting a boss but also forgot to save since way back in Kokiri Village and now I'm baby Link swiping at deku scrubs while that damned song plays over and over, all over again. And man, that sucks. All that time, all that energy, down the drain; and all I've got to show for it is my 18-month old race card. 

 

Even typing all this out and really forcing myself to examine what feels like such a massive failure is difficult. 

 

But I want to start over. I've recommitted myself to eating better (and ignoring that damned penguin) during the day at work. I've set up a system where whenever I start craving one of those tiny Snickers, I go to the kettle and make myself a cup of chocolate chili chai tea instead. I've asked my girlfriend to support me in trying to eat healthy and to stop going out.

 

I've promised her that I am going to find a workout, and do it, and stick to it. I've made the appointment to talk to my doctor about the wrist problems I've been having (one of the things that has kept me from continuing with any of my many false-starts in bodyweight training is that they all use pushups, I really really want to be able to do pushups, but my wrists flare up and incapacitate me for weeks any time I make the effort). If it's tendonitis, which some people think it might be, I'll get advice on how to modify strength training movements so as not to aggravate it. If it is a ganglion cyst, as I believe it is, I'll talk to her about treating it. 

 

I'm going to think about buying my girlfriend a membership to the NF Academy, so that she and I can work through the program together, be accountable to one another, pull each other through the bad spots.

 

Maybe I'll even sign up for the next 6-week challenge.

 

But most of all I'm going to stop trying to do this alone. It doesn't work. Trying to go it alone isn't the way to go, as much as I'd like to tell you all that I am self-reliant and self-motivated. So...I guess I'm back? 

[shaar]

If there's one thing I've found out since joining NF, it's that it's HARD to start something and stick with it.  I'm learning that fitness really has to be a long-term lifestyle choice and not an every now and again "band aid" for when I'm feeling guilty or bad about myself.  It's a lot of work day in and day out and some days it's easier just to go home and play video games... just today, I'll start fresh tomorrow... but tomorrow keeps getting pushed off for comfort and convenience.

 

I feel ya.

 

Accountability is huge, and I think you'll both fit in awesome at NF - the people here are second to none and I'm hugely grateful I've found this community and so many new friends to go with it!  I know I have them to thank for dragging my self-defeating butt out of a hole more than once.

 

I think the 6 week challenges are fantastic for pushing yourself, trying new things, and cheering on other rebels.  Good luck and here's to a great respawn!

[Noname123]

Hi hi I'm a 5am workout-er too, and honestly, you wanna know how you did it? You just have to get through Monday You wake up that first day at 5, destroy your workout, get that endorphin high and remember how good it feels for the rest of the day. If you can get your gf to be an am worker outer too it could totally help and you guys could commiserate and push each other on the way to the workout. If not no fear, my bf is a lump in the morning and wont roll out of bed before 6:30, so I'm trying to do active afternoon things with him for motivation. 

 

That first time back is the hump to get over and is seriously just the toughest thing to get over, but once you do you're golden, it's like opening a door. 

 

Do incline push-ups hurt your wrists too? I had an issue with it and it turned out to be form for me, if the doc clears you it maybe something else to look at. 

[tseecka]

Trudging back through the door in shame...

 

Look, the way I'm looking at this is like fighting those f***ing dragons in Inquisition. They're TOUGH, and just charging straight ahead isn't going to work. I have to be smart, I have to strategize and figure out my strengths, and use them accordingly. 

 

And most of all, I guess, not give up. After all--I can't talk to Iron Bull 'til we defeat a dragon together, right?

 

So. After a false start last time, I'm here, AGAIN, respawning. As respawn points go, it's nice enough, but I'm ready to get out of this place and get to the real adventuring. 

 

To the two of you with such kind words for me after my initial post, I'm sorry I didn't respond earlier, but your words were helpful and encouraging and I'm going to remind myself to re-read them every now and again--just to remind myself I'm not alone.

[shaar]

You're totally not alone.

My advice is to get involved here on the NF forums - making a battle log, participating in threads and challenges. It makes fitness fun and exciting and you'll make friends that are genuinely interested in your progress and want to see you succeed!