acknowledging past failures

[Lou186000]

Here's what I wrote 2.5 years ago:

 

New Nerd

08 July 2012 - 11:06 AM

Well, I'm not new at being a nerd, I'm quite adept at that, but I'm new to the Rebellion. Posting a new thread is HUGE for me as I'm a chronic lurker. I've been working seriously on my own fitness for about 3 months and have lost a good 15 lbs. I recently joined NF and today was my first workout in the program, Level 1 Rookie! I have a lot more to lose (currently 300 lbs, which is hard to admit, even in writing), and I'm looking forward to my personal improvement and reading about others' progress as well! 

.Lou186000

 

I think that 15 lb loss was the limit of my success at that time. It was hard to write that paragraph well over two years ago, it's harder still to look back and see the evidence of a failed attempt. Yet I've come to be a firm believer in facing my demons: it's not fun, but it's a huge help. Being honest with myself has to be part of my process. It's about self acceptance, I suppose. 

 

I restarted my path exactly 90 days ago (I can tell because it says "90 Day Streak" on MyFitnessPal, which strangely sounds like I've not worn clothes for 90 days). I started at 312 and have lost just over 30 lbs, which to me is unbelievable. It's the lowest my weight has been in years. I'm trying to keep track of what's working this time versus what didn't last time. Here's a list: 

1. I'm logging everything I put in my body, no exceptions. Last time I only logged if it was "good." I wanted to hide my poor choices, even from myself. If I went over my calorie allowance I left it off the food log and promised myself to make it up the next day via exercise or better eating. That plain `ol didn't work for me. Now I'm logging it even if I'm way over. This being honest with myself works stunningly well for me.
   
2. I'm keeping a personal journal. I've been an avid (sometimes neurotic) journaler for several years. I'm being very sure to write consistently whenever I have a few minutes. It allows me to congratulate myself on a good workout, for example. It's also been a really good place to ruminate on those times when my motivation for both exercise and healthy eating are in the tank. 
   
3. I'm following the Nerd Fitness strength program. I'd been using Steve's stuff previously, and I liked the results I saw. That part's not going away. What's different this time is I allowed myself to "graduate" to Level 3 Outsider, after going through both Rookie and Recruit levels for a few weeks each. Moving to Outsider was a big personal step and one of which I'm quite proud. 
   
4. I'm cooking a LOT. I'm cooking for the family as much as myself, but it's been a great source of control and confidence to know exactly what I'm putting in my body.
   
5. This one really works for me: I have a picture of Fat Me where I can see it every day. It was taken in Aug, about two months before I relaunched myself on the path, and the picture horrifies me. Last time I took no pictures. This time, I'm taking pictures, and keeping this first one handy as a spectacular reminder about why I have to keep at it.
   

I'm not sure what motivated me to post this today. Maybe it's a stab at further accountability for myself. The success so far has been good and encouraging. There's a long way to go, but I feel I've come a respectable distance so far.

 

At any rate, if you've happened by my humble post, thanks for reading.

 

- Lou

 

 

 

[Sulinar]

Hey Lou,

I'm really pleased to hear that you've managed to achieve something this time (not so pleased to hear that you're apparently doing it naked, but whatever floats your boat). I've also lost momentum and I'm out looking for other people in a similar position so I can see what's working for them. So your story is really encouraging!

Keep it up - I'm looking forward to the point where you're happy to post the pic of your Fat You because you know you're never going to be that person again!

[iRyan2015]

 

Here's what I wrote 2.5 years ago:

 

New Nerd

08 July 2012 - 11:06 AM

Well, I'm not new at being a nerd, I'm quite adept at that, but I'm new to the Rebellion. Posting a new thread is HUGE for me as I'm a chronic lurker. I've been working seriously on my own fitness for about 3 months and have lost a good 15 lbs. I recently joined NF and today was my first workout in the program, Level 1 Rookie! I have a lot more to lose (currently 300 lbs, which is hard to admit, even in writing), and I'm looking forward to my personal improvement and reading about others' progress as well! 

.Lou186000

 

I think that 15 lb loss was the limit of my success at that time. It was hard to write that paragraph well over two years ago, it's harder still to look back and see the evidence of a failed attempt. Yet I've come to be a firm believer in facing my demons: it's not fun, but it's a huge help. Being honest with myself has to be part of my process. It's about self acceptance, I suppose. 

 

I restarted my path exactly 90 days ago (I can tell because it says "90 Day Streak" on MyFitnessPal, which strangely sounds like I've not worn clothes for 90 days). I started at 312 and have lost just over 30 lbs, which to me is unbelievable. It's the lowest my weight has been in years. I'm trying to keep track of what's working this time versus what didn't last time. Here's a list: 

1. I'm logging everything I put in my body, no exceptions. Last time I only logged if it was "good." I wanted to hide my poor choices, even from myself. If I went over my calorie allowance I left it off the food log and promised myself to make it up the next day via exercise or better eating. That plain `ol didn't work for me. Now I'm logging it even if I'm way over. This being honest with myself works stunningly well for me.
2. I'm keeping a personal journal. I've been an avid (sometimes neurotic) journaler for several years. I'm being very sure to write consistently whenever I have a few minutes. It allows me to congratulate myself on a good workout, for example. It's also been a really good place to ruminate on those times when my motivation for both exercise and healthy eating are in the tank. 
3. I'm following the Nerd Fitness strength program. I'd been using Steve's stuff previously, and I liked the results I saw. That part's not going away. What's different this time is I allowed myself to "graduate" to Level 3 Outsider, after going through both Rookie and Recruit levels for a few weeks each. Moving to Outsider was a big personal step and one of which I'm quite proud. 
4. I'm cooking a LOT. I'm cooking for the family as much as myself, but it's been a great source of control and confidence to know exactly what I'm putting in my body.
5. This one really works for me: I have a picture of Fat Me where I can see it every day. It was taken in Aug, about two months before I relaunched myself on the path, and the picture horrifies me. Last time I took no pictures. This time, I'm taking pictures, and keeping this first one handy as a spectacular reminder about why I have to keep at it.

I'm not sure what motivated me to post this today. Maybe it's a stab at further accountability for myself. The success so far has been good and encouraging. There's a long way to go, but I feel I've come a respectable distance so far.

 

At any rate, if you've happened by my humble post, thanks for reading.

 

- Lou

 

This is remarkable! You have more perseverance than most people I encounter in the real world because you claim you failed, and then you try it again. That aspect right there- to continue on and try again is the absolute key. I say that because I once weighed nearly 300 lbs myself and I adopted the idea to never fear failure, but to accept it happened and to find out why, how, and what could be done to improve. It's how I accept myself as who I am, and you're absolutely correct- self acceptance is how you learn to improve. I could go for a dosage of that right now actually, so thank you.

You actually caught me being guilty to not logging my bad days from time-to-time. So now I have learned something today as well.