Stuck in this cycle

[wilkymouse]

It's been...I'm not even sure. Half a year? More? Buckle your seat belts; this is kind of a long one.

I just know that life kind of fell apart in July and I'm still picking up the pieces. I had a job I loved, but worked for people who didn't know how to manage a business. It was manageable, but every employee was looking for new jobs during downtime at work. Then they decided to ignore the part in the handbook that said we could leave early on days before federal holidays if there was no work and I pulled together all my courage to talk to the boss who was there. That led to me doing everything to maintain composure (extremely difficult since I succumb to emotion quickly and emotions all seem to lead to tears) while he berated me and my coworkers loudly. Without going into more detail, 3 of the 4 of us quit that weekend and I've been looking for steady work since. In my job search, I've learned that nobody wants to hire an attorney with less than 3 years experience and nobody wants to hire an attorney for a non-attorney job.

Since then, so much and so little has happened. I moped around a lot when not job hunting and first exercise ceased. Then I slowly added junk food back into my diet. Eventually, I was close to back where I started, somehow managing to not gain all the weight back. I applied to I don't know how many jobs and the few I heard back from rejected me. Meanwhile, my fiancé bought a house and adopted a dog. I moved in with him in the fall and split my time between cooking, cleaning, working on things for the house, and volunteering at the animal shelter. I was keeping myself busy, but felt like I wasn't accomplishing anything. He was also slowly losing the supportive spirit he had had when he encouraged me to quit my job.

A little over a month ago, I graciously accepted temporary work from an attorney. The more I work here, the more I hate it. I don't know if I'm just unlucky with bosses or if I really don't want to be an attorney. I think it's a mixture of both. At least I'm temporarily making some money so I don't have to take whatever job I can get, but I want out. What was supposed to be part-time has turned into over 40 hours a week, sometimes until 8pm. I went from having too much time on my hands to having no time plus a new kind of stress. Plus, I had to give up volunteering at the animal shelter, which was one of the only things I was actually enjoying.

My life kind of feels like it's in limbo right now and things are not getting better. So, I thought I'd come back here for some structure and inspiration. My life goals seem sort of blah and directionless. When I was on here in the past, I had a clearer sense of what I wanted and took practical steps to attaining it. I need to stop feeling stuck, even if my job situation is still up in the air.

My respawning goals include:

- Coming on the forums at least twice a week, even if I lurk more than I post.

- Going to bed within an hour of my fiancé. He gets up an hour earlier for work, so that makes sense.

- Meal planning over the weekend. We've been eating mostly paleo, which is working, but I'm cooking 99% of the time and it gets stressful when I'm not home until after 7 most nights. So, planning and prepping ahead will alleviate some stress. While he's a better cook than I am and usually home much earlier, relying on him to make the meals will leave us both hungry.

-Apply to at least one "out there" job per week. I need to be more comfortable applying outside the box if I'm really not that passionate about this attorney path.

- Figure out where I can fit exercise into my schedule, which could change at any time.

Now to start by working on not disappearing for months again.

[Mekong]

Even if you didn't feel like you were really accomplishing anything in your downtime, I applaud you for everything with which you managed to keep yourself busy.  In times of un/underemployment I can't say I was as successful finding stuff to do, much less following through.  If you haven't previously, I recommend checking out www.askamanager.org.  Generally really good advice on a huge range of career topics, with plenty on job-searching.  It's also host to a really great group of active commenters, so you might find some relevant advice.  Here's something that may be useful: http://www.askamanager.org/2014/10/is-my-law-degree-keeping-me-from-getting-interviews.html

 

Good luck! I like your goals.

[GoldFly]

It definitely sounds like you've had a rough road over the last year or so.  It seems like you're trying to throw in exercise and healthy eating as another task and it's stressing you out.  Although I know it's easier said than done, I would work on trying to use healthy eating and exercise as a release from the stress you feel on a daily basis.  If you treat it as another task you'll just end up wearing yourself out more.  Your day is likely full of distractions, noise, and just flat out crap.  Exercise and healthy eating is an opportunity to refresh yourself.

 

I also know what it's like to be stuck in a horrible job with a horrible boss.  I ended up putting everything on the line and going back to school and so far it has turned out to be an excellent decision.  At the end of the day I had to remember that I was responsible for my own happiness.  No one was going to just walk up to me and offer to fix all of my problems.  If I didn't like my situation, I took it upon myself to change it.  

 

Stay positive, stay focused, and keep your head up through it all and you'll find what you're looking for.

[wilkymouse]

Even if you didn't feel like you were really accomplishing anything in your downtime, I applaud you for everything with which you managed to keep yourself busy. In times of un/underemployment I can't say I was as successful finding stuff to do, much less following through. If you haven't previously, I recommend checking out www.askamanager.org. Generally really good advice on a huge range of career topics, with plenty on job-searching. It's also host to a really great group of active commenters, so you might find some relevant advice. Here's something that may be useful: http://www.askamanager.org/2014/10/is-my-law-degree-keeping-me-from-getting-interviews.html

Good luck! I like your goals.

I guess that at the very least I've learned that I am horrifically unproductive and lazy if I have nothing to do all day. I enjoy having downtime (something I've missed a lot while in this temp position), but I know I have to at least keep myself busy with small things or I'll just be a lump.

I've come across that site a couple of times, but never looked into it much. It's really helpful! Especially that link you posted. Gives me a little hope that I'll be able to find a job that feels worthwhile and enjoyable. I just may need to learn to market myself better because of my degree and limited experience in other areas.

Thank you so much!

[wilkymouse]

It definitely sounds like you've had a rough road over the last year or so. It seems like you're trying to throw in exercise and healthy eating as another task and it's stressing you out. Although I know it's easier said than done, I would work on trying to use healthy eating and exercise as a release from the stress you feel on a daily basis. If you treat it as another task you'll just end up wearing yourself out more. Your day is likely full of distractions, noise, and just flat out crap. Exercise and healthy eating is an opportunity to refresh yourself.

I also know what it's like to be stuck in a horrible job with a horrible boss. I ended up putting everything on the line and going back to school and so far it has turned out to be an excellent decision. At the end of the day I had to remember that I was responsible for my own happiness. No one was going to just walk up to me and offer to fix all of my problems. If I didn't like my situation, I took it upon myself to change it.

Stay positive, stay focused, and keep your head up through it all and you'll find what you're looking for.

My fiancé went from fitting workouts in because he knew it was important and he wanted to be healthy to loving going to the gym. He's been encouraging me to look at it as stress-relief and something to enjoy, but it's tough when every free minute feels scheduled. I think waking up an hour earlier and doing something before work might be a good place to start, especially since I never know how late I'll be working. Plus, I like having enough time to read or watch tv a bit before work because I don't feel like I'm dragging myself right out of bed into the office. I'm sure doing anything at that time would be enjoyable in that sense at least.

I've been cooking mostly paleo for a while now and it's forcing me to try new things and be creative, which is fun. I just hate feeling stressed about having to figure out what to eat and then find the time to make. I'd be happier in the healthy eating aspect if I knew I wasn't working past 6:30 or 7 most nights.

I've been tempted to go back to school, but I don't want to gather more debt without some sort of direction. I'm so glad it worked for you though! I went from doing a job I felt indifferent about with amazing supervisors and coworkers to work I loved with great coworkers and intolerable bosses to work I don't like with a boss who isn't great at managing and can make me miserable. Definitely a roller coaster. I'm looking at a lot of options I think I would enjoy, but I'm still terrified of yet another bad experience with my employer. But if I don't keep working at changing my situation, I'll be stuck doing unfulfilling work for a boss who often makes me miserable.

Thank you for sharing your own experience and advice. I'm definitely considering it in how I'm approaching my goals!