Hello! ... Again.

[Densria]

Sooooo... Hi! I'm Densria. I did post a while ago introducing myself, but then life pulled me sideways and things went insane. I won't make excuses; I was just terrible at keeping on track with myself.

 

22-year-old chica in pharmacy school, 50 lbs more than what she'd like to weigh, and struggling with depression. Sounds like a recipe for some miserable pie, eh?

 

I'm mostly looking for someone to do head-to-head challenges with. My bf and I are competing on a basic "have you done your workout" level, but I would love to have someone I can directly compare my progress to. I have a Fitbit Flex, as do my mother and sister (well, Fitbits. They both have a Zip). I have tried the challenges with them, but since my mom gets on the treadmill every morning, it sorta seems like a given she'll win each time. She's also kinda got a huge streak of 10k steps/day going, and I know she's not about to give that up.

 

Lately I've been doing pretty good at hitting the 10k steps goal, but I'm wondering if I should try and increase that to maybe see some better results weight-wise? I'd love to go to the campus gym and work with the weights, but my depression makes it hard to leave my apartment outside of classes or work. I just get so twitchy when I'm around people right now. I had to focus really hard on studying while I was on the treadmill yesterday because there were some other girls in the workout room in my apartment building and I really didn't want to freak out and not get my steps in.

 

 

I will probably come back and post some more, but I do have class to get to, and I'm going to be a good student!

 

[KyBluePreacher]

Hello Densria! I came across this excellent viral video a couple of weeks ago. It's called, This Girl Can. If you have not seen it check it out now...Remember, no one at the gym is really watching you - they are worried about you watching them! Keep your head down, a determined look on your face and concentrate on you and only you. We are with you all the way!

http://youtu.be/aN7lt0CYwHg

 

[Densria]

That's a neat video, although it's not really a fear of what other people think of me that keeps me from going. More a fear of "what if someone comes up to talk to me". It's not that I used to only leave my apartment for just class, exercise, and work. I also hung out with people, and, while I'm getting better at it, I'm still not comfortable being around people. Week before last, I was so proud of myself for just attempting to go be social (which failed because apparently everyone departed the normal hangout spot sooner than I expected).

 

So um, yeah. Mental issues going on, classes are insane. I don't want to study, but I know I have to in order to pass, so whenever I get on the treadmill, I'm studying. My notes also cover the display, so I can forget about what time it is, how far I've gone, how fast I'm going, and just walk until my Fitbit lets me know I've hit my goal. Yes, I might be slightly obsessed with multi-tasking. It really helps if one of the activities doesn't have very visible progress, so I can see that I'm actually moving forward on something.

 

Somehow I just reminded myself of the map I used to have, where I would fill in one pixel of color for every thousand steps I made. I can't remember if I stopped because my pedometer at the time broke, or if I lost the data due to a computer crash. I want to do the "walk to Mordor" thing, but just seeing a few numbers on a screen doesn't seem to be motivation enough. Maybe if I put sticky notes on the wall of my apartment? Okay, now I'm just babbling.

 

In any case, I normally tend to be a lurker on the 'net. If anyone wants to talk or such things, I'd love a PM. And if that seems contradictory to what I said above, it probably is. Somehow, these sorts of contradictions make lots of sense in my head, but I can never express them properly.