New here and i have 1 burning question

[Spikeysteelo]

Hi there people of the NF community,

 

Let me proper introduce myself, the name is Spikeysteelo and would start to say hi to all of you! How are you all doing? I just joined the forums and I've recently discovered this website. Been reading what Steve Kamb said in his stories/blog and i was quite fascinated what he all said about working out and video games. I'm myself a gamer too and my secondary passion is the gym so every game reference he used, ive got a quite good understanding where he was coming from and it cracks me up quite good haha !

 

Before i ask my 'burning question', i tell you my background story abit about the gym and all. I shall keep this short as possible . Every since i was 16 i was allready going to the gym. My family all runs the genes of working hard in any aspect of life ( asian culture ) and that also includes working out in the gym. My dad was, when he was young a professional boxer. So i guess ive inherited some of his genes of working out and i did it quite well for many years.

 

Now then i've met this girl who became my girlfriend. I became more lazy with my training schedule during the years and became.. well quite 'big' but not like really obese or something like that. I had like 9 years with her. Yeah you've read it right. 'Had'. Ive lost the girl of my life. All of this happened like 6 months ago. I was ready to engage her and asked her hand to become my wife. But alas, it turns out she cheated on me. It pains me to write this down but the emotional pain i had to experience really went out of control. I went on a drunken rampage and such and drank alot of alcohol every day to ease out the emotional pain ( i never even drink alcohol so i usually drive my buddies safely home after going out somewhere).

 

After the storm, ive recollected myself and went back to my old roots, working out at the gym like my life is depending on it. Like Steve, im not a runner at all but every morning i ran miles and miles and after my work, i workout dilligently at the gym. Now you may ask... You're on the right track right? If u look at this physically, then yes ive lost quite alot of bodyfat and gained some muscle. I look physically really much better then i used to 6 months ago. I keep a diary to keep track how well im developing. ( photo's and such). But theres another catch..

 

My mental state isn't so well. You see, when i train, i dont really have like what i call 'a true motivation'. In my mindset i train with rage and anger and sadness. As ive read some of the succes stories here, they all had like positive mindsets on their goal. For me, I sometimes drop a tear or 2 when im doing my workout. When im in a dire position and i can't carry on my workout schedule, i said this one line to myself: 'What is more painfull? The pain u feeling right now or the Pain she caused to me?'. Then i'm brimming of energy and carry on like nothing happened. But my parents are worried about because..

 

Every since its over, the limitations are removed from my body. I keep going harder and harder every single day. Getting and being stronger i was everyday. Maybe even to the point it may cause damage to myself. Ive been training like a Spartan! But on a serious note, yeah I think i am improving but also im like hurting myself in the meantime.

 

My question is: if i keep continueing this path, will i ever get over my past experience? Won't i get hurt in a longterm? Like my parents said: U may get a heartstroke and die if u train like this. But is it really?

 

 

I thank you all for your time reading this post

 

Yours sincerely,

 

Spikeysteelo.

 

PS: i really like to read the blogs here so i have some time to catch up to all of them .

 

 

 

 

[Toxophilite]

Sounds like you've had a really hard time. I can't even imagine how much that must have hurt you.

 

In terms of your fitness it does sound like you're doing okay but if you're pushing too hard and not giving yourself a break you're not going to be progressing efficiently and you will likely cause an injury at some point. You need to give your body a chance to repair.

 

The mental side is probably going to take time to fix. A lot of people find a distraction after they've gone through something like this. They'll spend all their time working, drinking or in your case exercising as a distraction or an outlet for their emotions. Have you tried talking about it with friends or family members? Often opening up and talking about your feelings is a better outlet than letting it out in angry bursts. This can feel like it's helping but often just exacerbates it.

 

I wish you all the best and I'm sure you'll meet some great, supportive friends on this site if you stick around

[StarRuby]

I don't want to sound like a Debbie downer, but here goes: 

 

I think, on some level, you are always going to hurt from what happened between you and your former girlfriend. Some days, you will hurt more than others. Some days, you'll feel pretty dang good. It is a consequence of life that you will always feel some kind of hurt because someone you cared very deeply about betrayed you. On top of getting yourself back in peak physical condition, you're going to need to learn to trust people again and become willing to risk that kind of heartache again. 

 

That, I think, is going to be the hard part. 

 

I do think, though, that your fitness journey should involve rediscovering joy. Inner joy. You have a plan for your physical fitness, but you have got to look at a way to prepare yourself mentally for the world around you. Paint your rage. Write your sorrows. Grill your anger with a light coating of olive oil and rosemary. I recommend trying to find something beautiful in the world, something that is not a person, and pursuing it with exacting precision. 

 

This might not be up your alley, but have you considered doing dance? Specifically, I would look into seeing if there is some beginner ballet that you could do. It focuses on physical strength, flexibility, and body control. Might be a nice change from your Spartan-style workouts. 

 

Back on the originaly topic, you're going to have a long road of recovery ahead of you. It's going to take time to get over the kind of hurt that you have. It sounds like you're still in anger-phase for your stages of grief. With time and work, you can eventually get to the acceptance phase. You'll make it through, man. You got this. 

[Spikeysteelo]

Sounds like you've had a really hard time. I can't even imagine how much that must have hurt you.

 

In terms of your fitness it does sound like you're doing okay but if you're pushing too hard and not giving yourself a break you're not going to be progressing efficiently and you will likely cause an injury at some point. You need to give your body a chance to repair.

 

The mental side is probably going to take time to fix. A lot of people find a distraction after they've gone through something like this. They'll spend all their time working, drinking or in your case exercising as a distraction or an outlet for their emotions. Have you tried talking about it with friends or family members? Often opening up and talking about your feelings is a better outlet than letting it out in angry bursts. This can feel like it's helping but often just exacerbates it.

 

I wish you all the best and I'm sure you'll meet some great, supportive friends on this site if you stick around

 

Thanks alot Toxophilite! Yeah i did tried to talk with my friends and family, but i want to seek knowledge from people around the world and see their opinions . And i will definitely stick around this community although not everyday since im outside working out xD! But i will try my best !

[Spikeysteelo]

 

I don't want to sound like a Debbie downer, but here goes: 

 

I think, on some level, you are always going to hurt from what happened between you and your former girlfriend. Some days, you will hurt more than others. Some days, you'll feel pretty dang good. It is a consequence of life that you will always feel some kind of hurt because someone you cared very deeply about betrayed you. On top of getting yourself back in peak physical condition, you're going to need to learn to trust people again and become willing to risk that kind of heartache again. 

 

That, I think, is going to be the hard part. 

 

I do think, though, that your fitness journey should involve rediscovering joy. Inner joy. You have a plan for your physical fitness, but you have got to look at a way to prepare yourself mentally for the world around you. Paint your rage. Write your sorrows. Grill your anger with a light coating of olive oil and rosemary. I recommend trying to find something beautiful in the world, something that is not a person, and pursuing it with exacting precision. 

 

This might not be up your alley, but have you considered doing dance? Specifically, I would look into seeing if there is some beginner ballet that you could do. It focuses on physical strength, flexibility, and body control. Might be a nice change from your Spartan-style workouts. 

 

Back on the originaly topic, you're going to have a long road of recovery ahead of you. It's going to take time to get over the kind of hurt that you have. It sounds like you're still in anger-phase for your stages of grief. With time and work, you can eventually get to the acceptance phase. You'll make it through, man. You got this. 

 

 

Hi heatherallyse, thank you very much for your opinion! i appreciate your honest reply and as you said, i will pursue something that is worth my time and a new goal in life. Getting married and having a family have to wait i guess . I will look into the dancing part. Might be a good change i think! Yeah allready been busy for 7 months of recovery and theres no end in sight at all. But have faith is what people said to me . But thanks again i will try and do something with this

[StarRuby]

I'm a chronically single person, LOL. I always thought of marriage as a bonus quest that is on the table, but comes up when it comes up. You can always have a family, though, by tending the relationships you already have so that way when you DO add another tiny human into the mix it's good. 

 

So, that said, I am a chronically single person. My relationship advice might not be the most sound. 

[Spikeysteelo]

Haha! Any advice is better then no advice at all heatherallyse!

[Noname123]

I'm sorry for what you went through, it's a tough experience. It will take a while to get better- esp after such a long relationship, a lot longer than 6 months to let the pain diminish a little to move on. But that's the key phrase: Move on. You're doing that physically, just give yourself a little break emotionally to let your brain catch up. 

 

Focus on YOU for now. Not only working out, but doing things you've always wanted to do and explore. Focusing inward and allowing yourself to get reacquainted with things you enjoy and haven't done in a while or completely new things you've always wanted to try will help your head get past that block you're experiencing.

 

I know it doesn't seem like it now and things may seem like they're in black and white for a while, but remember life is AMAZING and full of color even if you can't see it right now. Go find things that make it amazing for you and live it up!