How do I stop being a quitter?

[Guest Snake McClain]

I will keep this as simple as I can. In my life I have quit at everything (almost) when it gets tough. When things seem overwhelming i've always just turned and said "nevermind this isn't worth it." and just walked away. Now with wrestling and weight training I am NOT at that point. But I am looking at the wrestling and seeing this long hard road ahead. here is SO MUCH to learn. so much that I will have to be good at. It is like this huge mountain of adversity and coupled with the fact that almost NO ONE becomes successful (i know success is subjective) I am wondering if I can do this at all. Yes I just want to do it for fun and be good. That's it. I don't want money. I don't want to be famous I just want to be good at it and enjoy it. But being good is the hard part. And if i'm not good I won't enjoy it. I am doing everything in me to not want to give up and I'll definitely need a good mental attitude In the coming months.

Any advice on how to stop being a quitter?

[catspaw]

But being good is the hard part. And if i'm not good I won't enjoy it.

This. You need to enjoy the journey, not just anticipate the destination. Goals are good for motivating the journey, but if you find the journey intolerable, you're just suffering needlessly.

[King_mob]

There is a difference between knowing the path, and walking the path. That's a direct quote from me be the way, no one else. It's something i said.

[ETFnerd]

I believe that the way you get good at something is by doing it. If you want to get good at not quitting, then plan things properly so that you are getting involved in the things that you care about, are important to you, and get some wins under your belt. See a few smaller things to the end to build your confidence and build from there. Fortunately you are in the driver's seat and it's under your control to change this. Keep a log as the losses tend to linger in memory longer than the wins. You may be surprised by the number of things you forgot you accomplished.

[Guest Snake McClain]

You guys are all absolutely right. I think that's great advice. Not looking at just the destination and enjoy the process.

Thanks guys.

[King_mob]

A great man once wrote "You don't become great by trying to be great. You become great by wanting to do something and then doing it so hard you become great in the process"

Incidentally it was this guy.

[jdanger]

There is a difference between knowing the path, and walking the path. That's a direct quote from me be the way, no one else. It's something i said.

You sage you. Apropos nothing really, it is reminiscent of something Feyman said about his father (I'm paraphrasing); that he knew the difference between knowing the name of something and knowing something.

As to Bruce's question it is a great one. Sounds like you've got the right motivations for doing what you're doing. The truly happy successful people do it because they want to, not for the money so you're good there.

As to the journey itself.. well it's going to be hard. Damn hard. Maybe harder than you even understand to be possible right now. You will encounter things and days you might wish you didn't even know were possible. That is one of the prices of really living life. Accept it and move on. You're going to get beaten down. Expect it. Cherish it. Find comfort in the fact that you're one of the people with force of will sufficient to overcome these challenges and use it for momentum for the next time. Bontrager said "it always hurts when you go as hard as you can." Do something or don't but don't betray the gift by setting out to do something then ducking out once things get hard.

I talk to people about clarity of purpose. If you're lucky enough to truly know what you want that alone is a powerful driving force. You know your purpose, carry it with you and remind yourself of it during the hard times.

[Guest Snake McClain]

A great man once wrote "You don't become great by trying to be great. You become great by wanting to do something and then doing it so hard you become great in the process"

Incidentally it was this guy.

Love me some XKCD!

As to the journey itself.. well it's going to be hard. Damn hard. Maybe harder than you even understand to be possible right now. You will encounter things and days you might wish you didn't even know were possible. That is one of the prices of really living life. Accept it and move on. You're going to get beaten down. Expect it. Cherish it. Find comfort in the fact that you're one of the people with force of will sufficient to overcome these challenges and use it for momentum for the next time. Bontrager said "it always hurts when you go as hard as you can." Do something or don't but don't betray the gift by setting out to do something then ducking out once things get hard.

I think you're absolutely right. My motivations are good. Not selfish (unless wanting to enjoy myself is selfish). It's a matter of will. I have to keep reminding myself that when it is hard not to quit. That's all I have ever done in my life with the exception of when i was married (which ended up not working out anyway). Like all my friends know me as a quitter and don't take me seriously at all. This is sort of my big %#@& YOU! to them and my big "finally do something you're proud of damnit!" to me.

[KillerGriller]

When faced with a huge challenge, I've found it's easier to keep moving forward with a hundred little steps than with 4 or 5 big ones. Momentum is the key.

- Focus on learning those wrestling moves one at a time instead of trying to know-it-all right off the hop.

- Hundreds of small weight sessions in succession, instead of fewer huge ones that leave you crippled for days.

- Give yourself several milestones/smaller goals throughout the process rather than the one BIG goal.

In my experience, I've found that when you hit setbacks it's easier to get back up and get moving again if you have recent milestone to start at. If theses are fewer and father between you have farther to go to "get back" to where you were.

my $0.02

[Guest Snake McClain]

- Focus on learning those wrestling moves one at a time instead of trying to know-it-all right off the hop.

This is exactly the thing I needed to hear. This has been the biggest mental obstacle for me.

[zdub]

I find that reminding myself of how motivated I felt when I started my journey helps. Watching motivating videos helps give me the same drive I had when I started.

Here's some I have bookmarked:

(This one is sports oriented, but can be applied to any journey towards a goal)

(Same, sports oriented. But if you want to wrestle, it can apply)

(Kinda long, but pretty good)

And the BEST one (can't talk about motivation without thinking of this quote from Rocky Balboa):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2U8e-QnBnbc

[King_mob]

You sage you. Apropos nothing really, it is reminiscent of something Feyman said about his father (I'm paraphrasing); that he knew the difference between knowing the name of something and knowing something.

Apropos of the matrix, as in its reminiscent of something morpheus says to neo at the end of the first film.

Joking aside, what jd says it kingly advice. Everyone (not just bruce) would do well to read and then re-read that post, especially the following -

You're going to get beaten down. Expect it. Cherish it.

[Guest Snake McClain]

If this were a twitter post it would read as such: "In a bad mood. can't wait to get to the gym to hit the waits" #bootstoasses

[KillerGriller]

the irony of this thread title JUST struck me

[m00se]

when you hit setbacks it's easier to get back up and get moving again if you have recent milestone to start at. If theses are fewer and father between you have farther to go to "get back" to where you were

This. Think of getting better at something - anything - like being in a videogame. You have to learn from your mistakes to get better later on. Actually, think of it like one of those videogames where you have to make it to checkpoints, and if you fail at one you only have to go back to the last checkpoint rather than the start of the level.

Actually, to complete the analogy, you should probably think of one that's done like that, but well, not like the really ultra-irritating ones where there's a checkpoint right before 10 miles of beamwalking followed by a perfectly-timed jump to the other side of a pit full of flaming pain (which you only make one time out of 20), before you get to the end of level boss only to find there's NO FUCKING CHECKPOINT AFTER ALL THE BEAMWALKING AND THE PITJUMPING.

That's a bit like setting your goals too big. You'll only frustrate yourself. And then quit.

#gotabitcarriedawaytheresorryaboutthat

[Guest Snake McClain]

the irony of this thread title JUST struck me

huh? maybe i missed it?

waaait. i get it. quit being a quitter. lol. wow i didn't even realize.

[Guest Snake McClain]

#gotabitcarriedawaytheresorryaboutthat

hilarious.

[Foolishnostalgia]

I know exactly where you are coming from. If you want to stop being a quitter you have to find that one or two things you really enjoy doing. Why bother getting good at something that you don't really like?

I only think that I want to get good at everything, or that I'll like something once I get better at it. This never is the case. Always give it a month or so, and if you aren't enjoying going to or doing what it is you are doing, then find something else. Especially in fitness, there are endless options.

[67alecto]

There is a difference between knowing the path, and walking the path. That's a direct quote from me be the way, no one else. It's something i said.

Hey, that cookie was meant for me.

[deadmetal]

Well, I think this thread has pretty much covered all the bases as for how to keep yourself going. That said, there is one, for me at least, that hasn't been touched on.

Curiosity.

If you do decide to quit something, and go back to previous-level methods and routines, you know exactly what to expect from them. If you keep pushing through, who knows what might happen? Personally, I like that idea of not knowing.

[concretecavewoman]

To get a little psychobabbly...

When children are given an easy task and praised for being intelligent, they feel a great sense of accomplishment. However, when given a more difficult task they become vastly more prone to giving up. When children are given an easy task and praised for their hard work and persistence, they show decidedly more grit and determination when presented with more challenging tasks. (Study HERE). Why? Because the child who thinks intelligence is a "have it or not" characteristic thinks that a challenge will simply present him with an opportunity to fail. I think this is a principle that can be applied generally. Giving up is not necessarily being "a quitter", but is just as often a sign of fear of failure. If you don't try, you can't fail. Whereas failure is a necessary component of success. Maybe this fear of failure is what you're encountering? You're tackling these HUGE goals that seem very daunting in their scope, so maybe what you need to do is step back and figure out how to eat the elephant. Break all of these big goals into micro-goals that are short-term, measurable, and achievable. Little successes then can compound into big successes (I realize that killergriller basically said the same thing first, but I just wanted to add that there are actually psychological studies done that show that this effect has a real basis)

[Guest Snake McClain]

To get a little psychobabbly...

When children are given an easy task and praised for being intelligent, they feel a great sense of accomplishment. However, when given a more difficult task they become vastly more prone to giving up. When children are given an easy task and praised for their hard work and persistence, they show decidedly more grit and determination when presented with more challenging tasks. (Study HERE). Why? Because the child who thinks intelligence is a "have it or not" characteristic thinks that a challenge will simply present him with an opportunity to fail. I think this is a principle that can be applied generally. Giving up is not necessarily being "a quitter", but is just as often a sign of fear of failure. If you don't try, you can't fail. Whereas failure is a necessary component of success. Maybe this fear of failure is what you're encountering? You're tackling these HUGE goals that seem very daunting in their scope, so maybe what you need to do is step back and figure out how to eat the elephant. Break all of these big goals into micro-goals that are short-term, measurable, and achievable. Little successes then can compound into big successes (I realize that killergriller basically said the same thing first, but I just wanted to add that there are actually psychological studies done that show that this effect has a real basis)

I've actually seen this study before.