Urgently Needing Help With Confidence

[Flytch]

I've signed up for an MMA class as part of my whole 'improve everything' plan.

The only issue is that I suffer from an almost paralyzing lack of self confidence. Giving talks in front of classes has reduced me to a quivering wreck in the past and all my past experiences with martial arts have been tainted by it. I just feel awkward, clumsy and have a palpable pain in my stomach from the nerves.

I've improved my self confidence in this past year by changing my appearance and I've managed to moderate my speaking to the point that I can actually be understood, as opposed to burbling constantly but the prospect still terrifies me.

The class was scheduled for tonight but it was postponed. So I have something like 24 hours to somehow feel more confident so that I can do in there and learn, as opposed to being a crippled little sphere of self doubt for the whole two hours.

Have any of you guys had similar experiences, or found ways to feel more confident?

Ben

[King_mob]

Take cocaine.

Okay sorry i couldnt help myself. Serious answer to follow.

I remember feelings of utter dejection every time i went to a muay thai class. I got my ass handed to me on a nightly basis. I went with the intention of building up my confidence, and it did the exact opposite. So speaking for myself, i totally understand where you are coming from, and it is a perfectly normal reaction. I am 100% sure other people on the board will also understand and empathise.

Here's the thing to keep in mind - you are improving your life for you.

Your benefit, no one else's.

No one is depending upon you to improve your situation apart from you.

It is not a race. It is not a competition between you and the guys and gals who will be doing MMA with you.

There will always be someone who appears better than you at a given thing.

They are not the measure of you as a person, nor are they the yardstick upon which

you will measure your life or your achievements.

Now, hulk smash.

[bigm141414]

Have this all the time. I have two solutions that have worked well for me. 1) Practice speaking so much about your topic that you just don't care anymore. Really. just wander around talking to yourself about your topic all day asking yourself questions and anwsering those questions. Make sure you are speaking out loud. That way you can hear yourself speak and be able to adjust to any stumbles before hand. By the time you present you will not care anymore about how you sound because you've worked it all out.

2) two shots of whiskey 30 mins before you start your presentation. Let the whiskey take away your fear.

I don't advise #2 all that often, and make sure to have breath mints on hand just in case.

Good luck.

[ebm1224]

i second king mob. we all tend to have this feeling that "everyone's watching us" but, in reality, most people are so fixated on themselves that they don't even notice what others are doing and, if they do, it's just a passing thought.

i tend to be a bit of a nervous person and what i have to do sometimes is, instead of focus on the fear aspect of the anxiety, focus on the excitement portion. don't think of it as "i'm so scared of what other people are gonna think" and, instead, think "i'm so excited to see what i can do." it's a small shift but i find it helps me get over that hump.

good luck and don't forget to have fun!

[ETFnerd]

I do toastmasters and even though I am in a room full of supportive people who want to help me, my lip quivers while I speak, my knees shake, and thoughts race through my head such that I have trouble connecting my thoughts. For me, these involuntary kinks have to be worked out by doing them repeatedly over time until I find my comfort zone. It happened whenI was studying new topics, doing martial arts and in any other thing I attempted. I am an introvert and highly analytical so I tend to stumble over my own feet. That doesn't mean that you can't be great at this. For tomorrow, set realistic goals. Say no matter what happens, I don't need to look like JFK at the Berlin Wall. These are the points I need to make at the class. If I deliver my message and answer questions thoughtfully, everything else will work out later. Set your goal, hit it and walk away with things to address and work on. If you can't ww them today, you can wow them later with how much you've improved. Good luck with your class.

[Relosa]

I agree with King Mob.

Also, just do it! I've been nervous plenty of times before doing new things, and doing things physical while not being in the best shape for it. Once I got in there and started moving everything felt fine. Yeah, you may not know what you're doing and you may not be anywhere near as good as the best guy in the class, but he had to start someone. So do it! Learn as much as you can, ask questions, be a pain in the ass if you have to. You're not paying a bunch of money to run around like a chicken with it's head cut off, you're paying your teacher to learn as much as you can, so go, watch, listen, do, and you'll kick ass at it. Then just give it time and you'll feel better at it. And as a person who's been practicing a martial art since he was 10(I'm 25 right now), you'll always see places to improve and always feel like you're not at your best. So just do it!

[Knightwatch]

http://strengthvillain.com/?p=912#more-912

Content Warning. But read it anyway.

Seriously, consider that scenario. You've got six weeks before sentencing. How would you train, to prepare yourself for the worst possible environment? At that point, would you really care about your nerves, or would you do whatever you needed to do to prepare?

Now, as JP point out, mos of us will hopefully never deal with that kind of situation. But what other worst case scenarios could befall us? After all, this sort of shit happens to everyone else, but, to everyone else, we are everyone else.\

Six weeks of a different mindset.

Be a beast. Go do it. You got this.

[King_mob]

So how did it go with your class flytch?