My Current situation/ hello new peoples

[verin]

Hey, I found this site a few days a ago. I was supper inspired and still am. I want to change my life and improve myself. However, two days ago my Girlfriend of 4 years left me. We were in a long distance relationship and we were not more than 2 weeks from seeing each other. She left because she was done with the distance. What i'm looking for is not pity or anything like that. I just want to know what i can do to get over this and start feeling better. I also suffer from small anxiety attacks that make it so i can't really eat and my stomach ties itself in knots, those are relevant because i've been having those a bunch since the breakup. If anyone can offer some advice i'd be very pleased to hear it.

[ETFnerd]

Lift heavier weights...

...just kidding, it's an inside joke... you'll get it after a while.

It's tough when you have had a lot invested in a relationship to have the rug pulled out from under you. I would focus on things that you missed out on while in a relationship and re-examine what makes you happy (other than her). When you get your short list together, follow through and get immersed in it. If that involves lifting heavy things, go right ahead. Good luck and welcome.

[verin]

Thanks man. I'll work on that list

[catspaw]

Also, spend some time (and I mean months, not days) focussing on just you and enjoying being single. Don't try to find a new relationship right away, especially after one that long. You can't replace what you had on a whim.

Learn how to love doing stuff just yourself, and learn how to love yourself. Spoil yourself. Whether that's doing things YOU want to do, getting a massage, watching a movie only you enjoy, etc. Learn how to cook foods you love and invite friends over for a big potluck dinner.

The hurt is going to take some time to heal, and nothing you do is gonna make it heal any faster. So try to find ways to enjoy your life in the meantime. This is time to figure out who you are, and make yourself even more awesome than you already are.

[ETFnerd]

And to expand on catspaw's sage advice, remember that when you don't have a girlfriend, porn is the friend that keeps on giving...

[verin]

Thanks guys. I've spent most of the day talking to my future room mate and watching some old favorite movies. I didn't think this community would be as helpful as it has been so far.

[Jabba the Hupp]

Like others have said...I would definitely start doing things that you love doing and/or getting in to new things. After my first big break-up, and a month or two of pitying myself and binge eating, I started working out and lifting for the first time ever...and my life has completely changed (for the better too!). Plus, I ran in to my ex a few months ago (after losing 80 pounds ish) and it just felt damn good knowing you look and feel so much better.

[Foolishnostalgia]

I complete agree with what everyone has said so far. The biggest thing I would add is that you cannot expect the hurt, or feelings you had toward that person to diminish for a long time. My ex of 4 years and I broke up 2 years ago, and it wasn't until last year that I noticed I had stopped thinking about her, and I was no longer hurt by what she had done.

Also, treat yourself. But don't go crazy.

[Guest Snake McClain]

Lift heavier weights...

...just kidding, it's an inside joke... you'll get it after a while.

hilarious.

Okay so for some advice. I had a four year marriage that ended back in february. I'll say the circumstances were much different because I had to leave her (it was validated and eventually as people here become my friends they will learn what i mean), however getting over that and learning to be self-sufficient again is a bit of a task. You will have to learn to enjoy as others have said going to the movies alone. go shopping alone. Truly and wholly focus on you and you alone. Don't be a selfish tool, but don't let anything stop you from doing the things you want to do. The things that made you insecure before with her (if there were things) you get to do them and not worry about it anymore.

More importantly than anything anyone has said (maybe) is that the key to everything in life (in my eyes) is not about finding the right person (here comes the important part) the key is BEING the right person. In everything in life to get over troubled things it is about improving yourself. find things you lack and make yourself better. For me this is lifting weights and talking to women (still haven't gotten this second one yet).

I hope this wasn't a bunch of rubbish.

[positivelyrob]

I would advise making and keeping a schedule. Go to sleep at roughly the same time and get up at roughly the same time. When you get up either eat or workout. If you're a morning person eat a small snack, workout, shower, shave, put on clean good looking clothes and go to work. If you're a night person wake up, shower, shave, put on good looking clothes and go to work. Then when you get home workout. At night make a good meal for yourself, play video games for a reasonable amount of time, read something fun before bed and turn out the lights and go to sleep. Rinse and repeat. This will feel miserable for a while, but then you will find the routine energizing.

Spend time with other people having positive discussions about your feelings and venting. Limit it to under an hour. Don't wallow. Then spend time with those people doing things you love and, even better, things that are good for you.

This isn't as authoritative as it sounds, just a suggestion. But I think you need to take care of yourself and show yourself some respect by getting up, working out, cleaning up, and getting shit done. As a person who had a substantial anxiety attack and did some hard work on my own psychology, I feel really bad for you. You should also make an appointment with your medical doctor to discuss your panic attacks and get a work up.

[Guest guest4729]

Spend time with other people having positive discussions about your feelings and venting. Limit it to under an hour. Don't wallow. Then spend time with those people doing things you love and, even better, things that are good for you.

This isn't as authoritative as it sounds, just a suggestion. But I think you need to take care of yourself and show yourself some respect by getting up, working out, cleaning up, and getting shit done.

This! At this point you have to accept that things are what they are, you can't change the past but you sure as hell can shape your future. Make it what you want to be, not what you thought it was going to be.

Was anything holding you back what you had a girlfriend? Do those things that you couldn't before.

Was anything about yourself bothering you when you had a girlfriend? Work to change those things and make your life better.

Have you ever wanted to try something new but didn't? Do it!

One other positive that's kinda silly is...look at it this way, if anything you now have more money than you did before. Girls are expensive (I would know!). Use that extra money to treat yourself to a nice haircut, a nice full body massage, a gym membership, something for your car, something for your house or even save it for a new wardrobe once you get into awesome shape. Take your negatives and turn them into positives as best you can. Invest in YOU.

[verin]

Update:

Hey guys and girls thanks so much for all your replies. I have been very very busy for the past week or so. I've gone paintballing, i went to the doctors and got some meds... (apparently i have normal anxiety levels but the way i physically react is akin to someone with severe anxiety, so i have medicine now that calms my stomach/nausea). I've bought a ton of stuff for my new room at the townhouse i'm sharing with my roomies. All three of them are girls and they've been wicked supportive and helpful. They took me out for dinner and breakfast a couple times and just watch movies with me and hang out. All my other friends have been keeping me company. With it being winter break i'm back and forth a lot between my school and family home in the city, so lots of driving. I've been focusing on figuring out all the courses i want to take for the second semester at my new school. My life is full of a lot of new right now and i'm between the support you rebels have offered and my friends have offered i'm feeling way better then i was a week ago.

I have started the 100 push up challenge http://hundredpushups.com as a small workout to keep me busy. When school starts again in January i'm signing up for Ninjutsu classes and i'll be going to the gym with a friend of mine who is also going to be joining the Rebellion soon. Overall i'm making the changes i want to see in my life.

BruceMacinness, you'll get better at talking to women and i'm making as much time as i can for myself since it's the holidays.

awsd00 I am trying a bunch of new things and i have more money now for sure... or i did hehe... Getting a job since the bank account is hurting again.

Positivelyrob Hey, i'm just curious what form your anxiety manifested as. Also like i said i went and talked to the doctor and got a prescription.

Thanks Guys I'll let you all know how things improve.

[Loren Wade]

Verin! Welcome to the rebellion dude.

I think you'll discover the same thing I did... this community is amazing!

[positivelyrob]

I had a panic attach in high school. I couldn't breathe, couldn't feel my arms and legs. I thought I was having an asthma attack and was hospitalized. Couldn't stop shaking. I am lucky in that I haven't had one since so I am blessed by having one episode and it turned out to be non-chronic, but I feel your pain because I certainly built up to it.

What I can say is that things can certainly get better. I've never been happier. In fact, I might be the happiest person I know.