how did you quit smoking - need advice

[ebm1224]

my boyfriend wants to quit smoking starting in the new year. he has been a smoker for most of the last 14-ish years...so it's safe to say he's pretty well addicted. i think he currently smokes about half a pack a day...though more when he drinks (which isn't terribly often or anything but i figured it might be worth mentioning).

i want to support him and offered to put up a thread here to ask for advice...would love to hear how others have kicked the habit - any tidbits you can share would help.

thanks!

[sumdawgtwigg]

I thought about a few things. Including these :

A. Is this cig really worth dying over?

B. I'm 25 (at the time) and can't even walk a hill without stopping to catch my breath

C. Everything I own smells like smoke, including me

There are a lot more but the most important one is A! It really isn't worth it! If you think about that everytime you light up it really helps.

Hope that was of some help!

[ETFnerd]

I stopped smoking in college after smoking for a few weeks so I don't have any first-hand experience.

I have observed what my brother has gone through during ~25 yrs of smoking. He started in HS while he was very athletic. He was a swimmer, springboard diver, gymnast and a HS ultimate frisbee player who went to the World Championship Tournament representing the US. Since then he has declined, but a year ago he completed the San Francisco Marathon in about 5 and a half hours while smoking a pack a day (that was a HUH??? for me too).

He's tried the patch, the gum, the smokeless cigarette, chewing tobacco and all other manner and method to quit. He's had success with all these methods for some period of time, sometimes for years, but eventually some stressful patch in life causes him to relapse. I have thus have an appreciation for how difficult it is to overcome this. Most people want to quit, but apparently a cigarette is very comforting in times of distress. I guess what I would suggest is some sort of work to create healthy outlets for dealing with the inevitable potholes you face in life.

I am sure others will come up with more, but good luck to your boyfriend and you in beating this.

[spezzy]

i replaced it with something that was more important to me: crossfit.

Seriously.

First - I couldn't afford both

Second - I realized after the second day that I couldn't continue to do both.

So I made the decision to quit smoking.

And I just stopped. Wore the patch for a few days... forgot to put it on starting maybe the 5th day. And that was it.

Every time I wanted one (and every once in a while it still happens, to this day) I just think - "is this worth setting me back in Crossfit for?"

[67alecto]

I thought about a few things. Including these :

A. Is this cig really worth dying over?

B. I'm 25 (at the time) and can't even walk a hill without stopping to catch my breath

C. Everything I own smells like smoke, including me

These actually will typically not work

A - isn't concrete enough (the I'm Young, I'll Have Plenty of Time mentality)

B - if you are a regular smoker, you probably don't walk/bike/etc much

C - you can't smell the smoke if you're always around it.

Quitting smoking is a mental task moreso than physical. The actual addiction toward nicotine will work itself out pretty quickly. It will be the psychological addiction that will be cause relapses.

I'm stressed; I cope by smoking.

I'm bored; I pass the time with a cigarette.

I'm angry; I step outside for a smoke.

I just had a meal; I have an after dinner smoke.

It's 10:15 and my co-workers are going on a smoke break; I join them.

It's my morning drive to work; I smoke on the drive.

Spezzy gave a good example - she replaced one habit with another and didn't even need a nicotine patch after a week.

The key to quitting anything is to truly want to do it for yourself. If you're quitting because someone wants you to quit, it is easy to relapse when you project any frustrations you are going through on to them.

[ebm1224]

67alecto, i think this is good advice (actually, it all is but this hit home the most). he grew up around smokers including his mom while i did not. so while i always had a "smoking is bad and unneccessary" mentality, he just saw it as something people do...often for life. the real impetus to quit came from his mom who has been sans nicotine for a couple months now. apparently, years ago, he said he'd quit when she did...so she called him out. when our relationship first began, i didn't mention it hardly or care much. now that we've been together for a couple years, live together, and i see a future with him, i want to make sure he's around for it. i am a little worried that, if i ask too many question or try and help too much that he'll be afraid of letting me down and dissappointing me if he slips up. so i'm also trying to figure out how best to support him. in the past he says he's tried cold turkey and that led to some physical ailments that were pretty severe. i think he's also tried the gum but hated the taste...but maybe that's changed in more recent years? i want to encourage him (without being pushy) to pick a method, set some goals or a schedule, and buy whatever he needs before new years so we can start on our resolutions together in the new year (which mostly involve health and financial stuff).

we actually just yesterday joined a gym (la fitness) so i'm hoping that, aside from all the other benefits of working out, that this will give him another impetus to quit.

sorry for the rambling - thanks bunches and if anyone has any other advice, we'd gladly take it.

[sumdawgtwigg]

These actually will typically not work

A - isn't concrete enough (the I'm Young, I'll Have Plenty of Time mentality)

B - if you are a regular smoker, you probably don't walk/bike/etc much

C - you can't smell the smoke if you're always around it.

.

Its what worked for me. Dying is pretty concrete if you ask me. C was referring to everyone around you saying you stink, not yourself. I was only trying to help.

[ebm1224]

sumdawg, it definitely is helpful. A and C i don't think he really thinks about (for C he only smokes outside). B i'm hoping will be the key. we just joined a gym over the weekend i'm hoping he starts to enjoy working out (he's more of the "enjoy being active but not necessarily working out" type). if he does that, i think he might get to a point where he realizes that smoking is getting in the way of being able to do the things he wants to do physically.

[sumdawgtwigg]

Thanks, ebm. B for me is one of the bigger ones (and lung cancer) because I really regret when I do things that might destroy how far I've come physically. Let us know how it goes! Again, good luck to him.

[Lillie]

My partner refused to kiss me ...

[David Romano]

cold turkey, to be honest.

drank lots of water and kept small things in my pocket like a dice or a small toy to play with to distract myself when I wanted a smoke.

[sashi]

YMMV, but here's what I did when I finally decided it was time. I cut back. I was at ~half pack or so and tapered off. That meant one less ciggie every day. I was very strict about it. Here's what ended up happening that was very good for me. My body wanted the nicotine, but since I only allowed myself so many per day as I decreased, I found myself cutting up the day evenly (or as evenly as I could). This make me start to break some of my habits since the "time" for a cig often didn't correspond with some of the times I would normally have one. When I came down to the last one, there were a couple left in the pack, and I left those sitting in the pack on my porch for --- I don't know how long. That was my permission to myself that it would be okay if I slipped. Giving myself permission to fail if I promised to get back up again gave me a lot of mental strength.

I was hell to be around during this entire process, but it worked. I haven't had one in four months. I can be around smokers and it doesn't bother me.

I also joined a gym at the same time, but this was to help with the inevitable weight gain from my eating Little Debbie snacks (which I really only did for about a week).

I won't lie and say that I never want one. Sometimes I want one while I'm watching TV and a commercial comes on (since that's when I often went out to smoke). Sometimes I want one when I'm out drinking.

[Oz.]

Need a reason. I wanted to get fit. Seemed stupid doing a workout then smoking a ciggi right before and after...

I also found it much easier with patches. It gave me targets, Stage 1 to Stage 3 and defined periods. That helped make it measurable, which for me makes it more achievable.

Oz.

[ebm1224]

sashi, can you explain your method a bit more detailed? this actually sounds like something he might be into. i'm not sure i quite follow your method of having some leftover and how that related to slipping up....

he told me over the weekend he's thinking of the gum. the patch apparently gave him a rash last time he tried it. also, any advice on ways i can support him without being over his shoulder all the time? we have a friend who tried to quit recently and then started again...and he was hiding it from his gf for awhile. i don't want him to feel like he has to hide any setbacks from me.

[sashi]

Sure.... The day I decided to quit (and pretty much I just woke up and decided that that day would be the day), I just counted how many I smoked. It was 12.

Day 2, I cut one back (so I only got to have 11). I was up at 6am and went to bed at 11pm. That meant I could have one cigarette every 92 minutes. (yes, I counted it out like that -- and kept to it).

Day 3, I cut one more (so 10). I remember I cheated on that day and still had 11. I started out only having one every 1:45 or so, but evenings were kicking my butt on non-teaching nights.

Day 4, I was back on, so I really did only have 10.

I continued this until I only smoked one.

At the end of the process, there were a few left in my last pack. I used to smoke on my front porch and habitually left my pack on the railing. I just left it there. Every day I looked at it, knowing that I was *choosing* to not smoke. It wasn't that I didn't have any. In fact, I know a few times I walked outside, picked up the pack, and just looked inside. If I *did* slip up (and I did on day 3), I'd just get right back up and try again. The world wasn't going to come tumbling down if I lacked willpower. I called that mostly empty pack my temptation. It sat there for a long time (maybe a month) before my boyfriend finally tossed it.

Those last few cigarettes were a mental game with myself. It might sound a little masochistic (since most addicts seem to need to have the source of the addiction completely removed for recovery), but I think it ultimately strengthened my willpower.

I'm not going to say it was easy because it wasn't. I'm not even going to say that I've quit forever. I quit once before for a year and a half (using a similar method). I will, however, say that it's all about motivation. Your husband has to really want to quit.

[scott82962]

My dad quit as a Christmas gift to me back in 1983. Actually he'll tell you that he hasn't "quit", he just hasn't had his "next one" yet. He's weird that way. My mom quit after her stroke. Fortunately it was very minor but being a religious woman she took it as God telling her she should quit.

I think the point is anyone can quit cold turkey if they choose to. Neither of my parents ever complained, freaked out, needed hypnosis or drugs. My dad gave me (and my siblings) a gift. My mom was answering to God. Now I know it's not easy - my addiction/habit was of a different "type" of tobacco. And I didn't quit for a long time even though I'd smoked myself into significant debt. But there came a day when I realized I wasn't living my life according to my stated values and over time was able to quit.

I wish him strength if/when your bf chooses to quit. He can do it.

[lostintranslatn]

I swear by the thing that helped me finally quit, after years and years of passionate smoking that I thought I loved: a book. The book is somewhat cheesily titled "Quit Smoking the Easy Way" by Allen Carr. A friend sent it to me. The only thing that kept me from throwing it in the trash was his promise that I could keep smoking as I read it. Even then, it was about two years later that I finally picked it up. Husband and I read it together when we decided to quit, and it was amazing. It goes through all of the psychology behind smoking in a very rational way...no scare tactics, no snake oil. It simply made evident to me several fallacies that I had believed all of my life: 1) Smoking is enjoyable (it so isn't). 2) There is such a thing as "just one cigarette" (there so isn't). 3) My "love of smoking" was nothing but a drug addiction (it so was). I read the book, put out my last cigarette when I flipped the last page, and never looked back. Same for husband. We didn't use nicotine patches or losenges--in fact, the book recommends against these becausethey fuel the belief that you're "giving something up" and you need to replace it with something else. In reality, quitting smoking isn't giving anything up, it's taking things back! Your health, your money, your self-confidence, your good-smellingness, etc. Anyway, it's a powerful read and I highly recommend!

[bprime]

I woke up one morning and told myself I was never going to smoke again. It's worked so far.

It's all about willpower IMO.

[JAbq]

I quit almost 6 years ago. I thought it was impossible. I read http://www.whyquit.org/ for awhile, and that helped me.

I am now a believer that cold turkey is the only way to go. I know that some people quit other ways, but I see that more as luck of the draw then a sure-fire quit. People that aren't ready to quit cold turkey are more likely not to be ready then those that are. I was not a believer 6+ years ago, but once I realized it wasn't about will power (thats torcher) it's just about doing things 1 day at a time, over and over, until one day you forget to worry about it. Soon, a week will go by, then a month, and then years. I only remember I smoked when others talk about quitting.

Whyquit website helped me understand what happens if you dont quit, what happens when you DO quit so that you don't run back, and also to understand that no matter how many years pass I will always be an ex-smoker that can never ever have a single smoke or I'll be starting back at square one.

[Ryan Sannar]

He needs to find someone else to help him quit. Someone who has been though it before. Having a network or a community of people supporting him who understand, but not people who are guilting him or making him quit, makes it easier to quit.

Of course this is true of anything. IE: Nerd Fitness

[m00se]

I woke up one morning and told myself I was never going to smoke again. It's worked so far.

It's all about willpower IMO.

This. Man up and stop sucking on lit cigarettes. Worked for me.

Sent from my GT-I9100 using Tapatalk

[ebm1224]

a little update. he picked up some nicotine losenges the other day and started using them on the 2nd. apparently he didn't need the higher dosage as we thought so we got him the lower dosage yesterday (the higher one was making him feel sick). so far so good. i know he was edgy yesterday and today is his first day back at work after the holidays so we'll see how that goes. but he's going in the right direction and i'm really proud of him

[Waldo]

What I did was to eradicate it from my life part by part. Stop smoking in the car. Stop smoking in the house. Stop smoking indoors period (going outside at bars, even if I didn't have to). Stop smoking when "home" (in other words, no going outside for cigs even). Only purchase them from one place. Basically eradicate it from my habits totally until all that remained was buying them at only one place, and only smoking outdoors when at work. And then I skipped buying them and went cold turkey.

It was important to not go backwards multiple steps. Since the place I bought them was actually quite far from work (close to home), it was an ordeal to go get them. Once I took an hour of leave and went to go buy a pack. At first I practically ran from the car to my desk to get one when I arrived in the AM (kept them in my desk if I didn't buy a pack on the way in). Finally I just stopped. What made it easier was how completely I eradicateded it from my home life. It literally had been a couple years. Every weekend I went cold turkey fri pm to mon am. My wife made it a lot easier, I was always around her, and it was unacceptable to smoke around her.

I had some time off of work, didn't smoke while off, and was past the strong part of the physical addiction by the time I returned, and just skipped buying them. Built up the willpower and changed my workday routine (started walking at lunch, bringing my lunch, etc..). And whallah, quit now almost a year.

[ebm1224]

waldo, i really like that idea. i think if he slips up, i'll have to pull from your experiences. "ok, so you bummed one at work today? no biggie, but that's work and you're home now and you don't smoke at home." not that i want to encourage him to smoke at work but i know from my own addictions that, if you mess up once, it can be easy to get into the idea that "the whole day is ruined."

thanks for this!

[abraspamlincoln]

I've had success before buy sucking on suckers when i got cravings and, a few of the guys at the office have quit with e cigarettes. Just keep it around for "emergencies" that way you don't need to feel obligated to smoke an entire bummed cigarette.