The story of a man, fighting his depression, weight and life in general.

[Flare1991]

Hi guys,

 

I'm not sure where to start as I write this. In fact, it's the first time I've ever written about this before. This will be somewhere between a call for advice, alongside finally venting some problems. I hope you guys don't mind. If you're willing, here's my tale.

 

(Minor background related information: I am male, currently 23 years old)

 

In 2009 I met my fiancee. (Around this time I guess I was about 180/190 pounds. I was pretty happy with that.)

 

Well, after about four weeks of 'dating' she admitted to me that she has a disability called M.E/CFS (Chronic Fatigue Syndrome). During that year she had a very mild case. She was able to walk 6 - 8 miles and generally live a pretty healthy lifestyle. This didn't cause any real issues, bar the occasional 'crash' where she'd have to rest for the day.

 

Unfortunately, her condition declined, and finally in 2013 she became bed-bound. My day became: - Wake up, make breakfast for us both, shower, bathe my partner, dress me, dress her, make my lunch for work, my her lunch and bring it to her ready, go to work for 9 hours, come home, carry her to the bathroom and back, cook, wash up, tidy, undress her, bed.

I know some people do this daily, but... This killed me. So I decided to leave my job in order to become a full-time carer. 

 

Unfortunately, no money meant we had to move back into her parents place. My life was reduced to caring for the woman I still loved unconditionally (and still do!) and living in a box room.

 

I think it will come as no surprise that I became depressed. I considered suicide almost daily, but fell short because of my concern for my partner. (In case anyone gets worried, I sought help about this and am quite safe)

 

Within my depression I turned to snacks and video games. Whenever I had spare time, I would eat crap and lay on the sofa to play games.

 

Well, the good news was that we finally found a doctor who helped my fiancee get better. She still has her condition but can walk up to 30 minutes and she does the majority of the housework and cooking, while I went back to my old job (sadly in a lower-paid, less respected position). We got our own place again.

While this is fantastic, during my depression, which by no means has just vanished, I became addicted to fast-food, cakes, cookies etc and I just can't get off it. To me, that food was a brief escape from my reality, just like video games were.

The idea of eating healthy and working out doesn't appeal, but at the now weight of 250 pounds... Something must happen.

If you're still with me, thank you for your time, and I hope you have some advise that may help. 

 

 

TL;DR: Life went to crap, can't stop eating crap

[Jett]

Hey, man. First of all, your dedication and love for your partner is incredible. The world needs more people like you!

 

I'm also really glad to hear that your partner was able to get better and life was able to improve for both of you.

 

Now that things are a little more "normal" for you, you're going to have to ask yourself a hard question: what do you want for yourself? You've just spent several years dedicating all of your time and energy to caring for your partner. That would wear out anyone, but you made it through. Now that she's better, you probably have just a little bit of time each day that you can be "selfish" with, right? There's nothing that says you can't spend that time eating crap and playing video games. If that's really what you want to do, that's fine. But, you've already gained around 60 lbs, and you're posting here, so you obviously have some desire to change that!

 

My question for you is, what do you want to change, and why? Do you feel obligated to get healthier because your partner wouldn't be able to do a lot to help if you also became ill due to your unhealthy lifestyle? Do you want to lose weight because you're embarassed about how you look? Is it that you have things you want to be able to do, but currently can't? Is it just weight loss that you want, or do you want to gain strength, or learn new skills..?

 

You don't have to give up games and junk food entirely. It depends on what you want, on your situation, etc etc. Working out could be just 20 minutes of calisthenics in the living room, or a jog around the neighborhood... there are tons of different ways to exercise, and they don't have to be very time-consuming. I'd recommend trying different things until you find something you like to do.

 

On a different note, food addiction is a real thing. If you don't have the self-control to stop eating junk food, don't be embarassed to admit it - ask for help! A lot of people here struggle with the same thing. And, there are actually self-help groups for people who want to change. A well-known one is called Overeaters Anonymous, and you could look for a chapter near where you live.

 

BTW, seeing that you've been on NF for a little while now, have you been participating in the challenges? Personally, I've found them to be an extremely useful way to track my progress, set intermediate goals, and have people hold me accountable.

[Hyperion]

Well you earned your respects in my eyes.you are a ballsy dude honestly. I'll give my help with anything i can, which is almost anything.

[Flare1991]

JMitch - Thank you for your kind words, it's appreciated. I think there are a few reasons why I want to lose weight. I used to be fit and healthy (I boxed and swam every other day). So now I really notice the lack of energy and of course have become unhappy with my appearance. I tonight picked up a set of dumbells and will probably pay for a swimming pool membership when my cheque clears. I haven't tried the challenges yet, I'll definitely have a look.

Vegito - Thanks man, it means a lot. If I need advice, I'll hit you up buddy.

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

JMitch is right, there is a special place in heaven for people like you. There is no higher expression of humanity than self-sacrifice out of love. You may not have physically died, but you died to yourself to serve another. I cannot express how much I respect you.

 

I also agree with JMitch that you need to rediscover who you are as an individual and figure out what you want, judging by your response to her you have a good idea of that.  It's great you got the help you need for depression, that tells me you'll take care of the weight/health issue as well. You're getting help here and we are so proud of you and happy to have you as a fellow rebel.

[Flare1991]

JMitch is right, there is a special place in heaven for people like you. There is no higher expression of humanity than self-sacrifice out of love. You may not have physically died, but you died to yourself to serve another. I cannot express how much I respect you.

 

I also agree with JMitch that you need to rediscover who you are as an individual and figure out what you want, judging by your response to her you have a good idea of that.  It's great you got the help you need for depression, that tells me you'll take care of the weight/health issue as well. You're getting help here and we are so proud of you and happy to have you as a fellow rebel.

Thank you for your warm hearted comments Tankimus - between you, you have already lifted my spirits and I am truly thankful.

I hope that I can regain my identity once again, and I feel certain that this is the place to do it.

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

Thank you for your warm hearted comments Tankimus - between you, you have already lifted my spirits and I am truly thankful.

I hope that I can regain my identity once again, and I feel certain that this is the place to do it.

You may not be aware, but you have already begun the process. You have begun to identify your own wants and needs, just keep it up.

[Jett]

JMitch - Thank you for your kind words, it's appreciated. I think there are a few reasons why I want to lose weight. I used to be fit and healthy (I boxed and swam every other day). So now I really notice the lack of energy and of course have become unhappy with my appearance. I tonight picked up a set of dumbells and will probably pay for a swimming pool membership when my cheque clears. I haven't tried the challenges yet, I'll definitely have a look.

 

You're welcome!

 

It sounds like you do have a good idea of what you want to do and why, and I think that's really important to keep in mind as you go through the journey of losing weight and getting fit. There will be times when it doesn't feel like you're getting any closer to your goals, and that's when a lot of people give up. But keep in mind your reasons for doing what you're doing, and push through the plateaus. You'll eventually make your goals, as long as you don't give up!

 

The challenges are 6 weeks long. We're right in the middle of one now; I think the next one starts in early August, but you could start late, if you wanted to, and just do a short one. They're designed with a "roleplaying" aspect, where you can reward yourself ability points and levels, if that's what you're into. On the other hand, you can ignore the RPG aspect and focus only on the accountability, if you want. The main thing is to pick a well-defined goal (or goals) and create a plan on how to meet it within the 6 weeks. It can be either something like, "work out 3 times per week", or it can be more like, "Get to the point of being able to do 50 pushups." Whatever works for you!

[Flare1991]

You're welcome!

 

It sounds like you do have a good idea of what you want to do and why, and I think that's really important to keep in mind as you go through the journey of losing weight and getting fit. There will be times when it doesn't feel like you're getting any closer to your goals, and that's when a lot of people give up. But keep in mind your reasons for doing what you're doing, and push through the plateaus. You'll eventually make your goals, as long as you don't give up!

 

The challenges are 6 weeks long. We're right in the middle of one now; I think the next one starts in early August, but you could start late, if you wanted to, and just do a short one. They're designed with a "roleplaying" aspect, where you can reward yourself ability points and levels, if that's what you're into. On the other hand, you can ignore the RPG aspect and focus only on the accountability, if you want. The main thing is to pick a well-defined goal (or goals) and create a plan on how to meet it within the 6 weeks. It can be either something like, "work out 3 times per week", or it can be more like, "Get to the point of being able to do 50 pushups." Whatever works for you!

I like the sound of it, although I might wait until the next challenge to I can start with everyone else. And I love the idea of the RPG style workouts/lifestyle

Again, thank you for all your help and motivational words  

[Aluado]

I was just reading some other people's introduction post before I could make my own, but I can't not say anything about your incredible post.

 

Whoa, man, such an amazing story! I can somewhat relate to you. My mother has had many health problems since when my little brother was born, in 1994. And since I've always been too mature for my age, I couldn't stand to see her laying in a bed while there was food to be cooked, a house to be clean, two dogs and a cat to be taken care of, dishes to be washed, a 5-years-younger-than-me brother who needed attention... and the list goes on.

 

Being a shy guy, I had some troubles having friends in school. Summing this all with my mother's health problems, I also developed depression. Just like you, I was always feeling hungry and was gaining weight - even though I've never been obese and tried not to overeat or to eat in a more healthier way, but with my lack of knowledge, I ended up doing poor choices when it came to "eating healthy" (like eating lots of rice and beans, which is something really basic in Brazilian's meals, and eating less meat...).

 

I'm glad to have read your story. I admire your love for your wife and sincerely hope she'll be 100% ok soon! I hope you'll be able to achieve your goals and have the kind of body you want.

 

We're all together in this, mate!

[Flare1991]

I was just reading some other people's introduction post before I could make my own, but I can't not say anything about your incredible post.

 

Whoa, man, such an amazing story! I can somewhat relate to you. My mother has had many health problems since when my little brother was born, in 1994. And since I've always been too mature for my age, I couldn't stand to see her laying in a bed while there was food to be cooked, a house to be clean, two dogs and a cat to be taken care of, dishes to be washed, a 5-years-younger-than-me brother who needed attention... and the list goes on.

 

Being a shy guy, I had some troubles having friends in school. Summing this all with my mother's health problems, I also developed depression. Just like you, I was always feeling hungry and was gaining weight - even though I've never been obese and tried not to overeat or to eat in a more healthier way, but with my lack of knowledge, I ended up doing poor choices when it came to "eating healthy" (like eating lots of rice and beans, which is something really basic in Brazilian's meals, and eating less meat...).

 

I'm glad to have read your story. I admire your love for your wife and sincerely hope she'll be 100% ok soon! I hope you'll be able to achieve your goals and have the kind of body you want.

 

We're all together in this, mate!

Aluado - Thank you so much for your words. And thank you for sharing your story. You are a courageous and outstanding person for doing so much for your family.  How are things now?

You and I, we will return to former glory. What are you goals?

[Aluado]

Things are quite fine, Flare1991! We moved to a small apartment some years ago (we used to live in a big house when I was a teenager), so it's much easier for my mom to take care of it. Her health has improved a lot too, since I could buy a special orthopedic mattress for her. Just to clarify, my mom broke her coccyx when she was 5, but she never treated it... She found this out only when she was pregnant for the second time, because she had gotten much fatter. Also, she was born with some kind of benign facial tumor. After lots of surgeries (after she was already an adult), she removed it, but she still suffers when the weather becomes hot (since her face swells, putting pression in the pins and other metal stuff) or cold (everyone with pins knows how they hurt when it's cold).

 

There's nothing we can do to fully heal those things. All she can do is to take medicine when the pain is too great. But, usually, those painkillers make her drowsy. So, she ends up sleeping a good part of the day.

 

Well, about my goals... I never wrote them down, so I can't really call them "goals". But they are: going to the gym at least 4 times a week, doing fasting aerobics (do you call them like this in English, too? ) from Monday to Friday, drinking at least 3 liters of water each day, and sticking to the diet (with one free meal per week... even though there are many weeks when I eat what I shouldn't more times).

 

I've already progressed a lot! I started working out about 2 years ago, but I started taking a good care of what I eat a little earlier. After all this time, I've already lost 10.5 kg (23.15 lbs, I guess?) of fat and gained 8.5 kg (18.74 lbs) of lean mass

I'm looking forward to your progress, too!