My Final Fantasy

[Hratheceane]

When last we left our conquering hero, Hratheceane had battled against anxiety, depression, a sugar addiction, dehydration, and stress eating following a messy family split and an even messier sexual abuse situation. After graduating high school, not leaving her bed for six months and getting up to 180 pounds, Hratheceane did a bit of druid magic, cast her runes and read her cards, and realized that it was time for the day to break and the sun to shine. She saw the butterflies around Death and wanted to transform, too.

 

For six months, she forged ahead, tracking her calories and walking to work and drinking more water than she ever had before. Before she ever set foot in a gym, she had finally pressed her weight down to below 160.

 

Then, out of the blue it seemed, she called it a day, despite her body showing evidence that it could go much further. "Oh, it needs a rest, it'll fight back against me if I try to lose anymore, it'll plateau!"

 

Following that, she starting really losing the battle against anxiety and depression. It wasn't just her health she was losing interest in, but everything that ever mattered to her. It went downhill until she had to start taking medication. She was afraid that she might have to do it her whole life, but she certainly didn't have the money for the doctor's appointments. Three months into treatment, she happened upon a documentary that made her look at sugar differently. Interested in biochemistry and all the inner workings of the human body and mind, she did research day in and day out. Then, she put it into action and cut her added sugar down as much as possible. Very soon, the medications made her manic and were found unnecessary, and she thought she had found what she was hoping for. After months of not even being able to look at an application or her resume, she was even able to get a job as a cashier (boring, but a job nevertheless.) She was looking towards the future finally, to her Final Fantasy, one where she is a Licensed Massage Therapist, Reiki Master, and an all around Spirit Healer, and where she lives with her fiancee-turned-wife and they have a happy, low-stress life together.

 

However, sh*t always happens, and soon she found out that her partner of over 7 years had been suffering from debilitating paranoid psychosis and an eating disorder.  She was poised to go back to her old habits, not fighting the "woe is me" feelings that were bubbling to the surface again. She was always just asking for a break.

 

Well she was about to give herself one. And as she is me, I'm going to be giving myself one, by doing something I wish I could've done a long time ago, and that's making fitness and health more fun. It's not a chore, it's not a case of "Oh I can't do that, it'll make me gain weight." Yes, my past mindset and self-rewarding with food tendencies are probably a result of my morbidly obese ex-stepmother sneaking a whole box of mini eclairs into a car wash and other things she taught me in Secret Eating 101. It doesn't take a psychiatrist to know to look in that direction. Is that any excuse to do that to myself, now that I don't have that kind of influence around? Of course not. Is there any reason for me to put this off? Nope. I already have a gym membership, and in fact, the gym is literally attached to where I work. Plus, I already walk to work every day. I have plenty of space in my room for doing yoga videos and I have plenty of money from my new job in a grocery store to buy healthy real food.

 

What I need is accountability, a place to talk and vent and learn. I need people who stick to the science and studies, not the mainstream health that has no basis in what actual goes on in our bodies. That's where the Rebels come in. My Main Quest is to be 145 pounds, but that's fully up for change depending on how my body transforms during this process. All I know is that I don't want to eat very much added sugar because I refuse to have my mind addled with its awful effects. Many of my focuses will be on stress relief and proper food choices, with a steady habit of going to the gym.

 

Essentially, I have no reason to be unhappy in my body as it is now. Though I'm overweight, I'm an hourglass shape, and I've had no shortage of admirers even though I've been with the same person for a third of my life. However, I look in the mirror and see wasted potential, just like Steve said he did in one of his articles. I can't do anything about my past as a depressed and stressed overweight teen, but I'd love to start up again and do something to become an outgoing, carefree, healthy adult who is in control of herself but knows how to have fun and be a Rebel.

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

Welcome to the rebellion! You have had an amazing journey already, and we are privileged to be a part of your journey. You have done a lot of the self-work yourself, and as you say, only need some support to level up in your fitness. If you have figured all this out on your own you are amazing, it takes some people a couple of years of therapy to figure out what you have.

[ElemHH]

Before I was even halfway through your post I started thinking of a line from Young Guns

 

"Then John Tunstall taught me that the past is like an old yellow-back novel. When you're finished with it you toss it out, you start a new one."

 

By your last line I could see that your mind was thinking along the same lines.

 

I can't do anything about my past as a depressed and stressed overweight teen, but I'd love to start up again and do something to become an outgoing, carefree, healthy adult who is in control of herself but knows how to have fun and be a Rebel.

 

Personally I don't know much of the science behind what we do, but there are people here that do. The rest of us can still offer a perspective based on our own experiences and give encouragement/support in your efforts.

 

All the best for your new journey.

[shaar]

You are awesome.  Your story is awesome.  Thank you for sharing it with us!!

 

Welcome to NF - this is hands down, the best community I've found on the internet in a long long time.  I credit my Rebel pals with a lot of my success, everyone here is so friendly, motivating, and always willing to lend a hand (or ear) no matter what.  I think you'll fit right in here.

[Hratheceane]

Wow! I think I underestimated how welcoming this community was going to be. Other forums and sites I've been to for this, you'd introduce yourself and you'd hear nothing from anybody. Thanks for taking time to read my super long post and thanks for the support! 

[RoseAndWick]

Thanks for sharing your story! I can't wait to watch your progress, I can tell you are really doing it for yourself which is awesome. I also love the science of it, I am so happy you were able to find some relief through lowering your sugar intake. I also have battled depression (as well as anxiety) for my whole life. Healthy living has really helped ease the symptoms. I wish you lots of great success in your goals, you can definitely reach them with this attitude!