I'm So Done With Being Done With Everything.

[PixieKitten]

This has been the absolute worst 12 months that I've had in a long, long time.

In July last year, just asfter building myself up and feeling amazing, I broke my foot. Suddenly couldn't do a damn thing.

Then I got a job. and it sucked. the manager was awful and was constantly making me cry and I hated it.

Then he left, and it got better, and I really got on well with the other members of staff.

Too well.

I break up with my almost-fiance(as in he's bought the ring and was 2 weeks away from officially proposing) because of various reasons that boil down to the fact that he was making my depression not only come back but worse than ever. So he's completely broken hearted and I feel like an ass.

I get with the newly-promoted assistant manager. At first it was just for fun, we're drinking a lot, going out, then all of a sudden he's talking long term stuff. Then he's saying how he's fallen for me really hard, THEN he's saying he loves me. So I open up, and god help me, I fall in love too. Pretty hard.

2 weeks later, he's dumped me. By text. I'm in pieces. Everytime I see him I don't know if I want to punch him or myself for being such an idiot. I do know I want to cry. Which isn't great considering we work together 4+ times a week.

 

So yeah. Health slipped, workouts disappeared, my love life crumbled into a pathetic pile of dust right before my eyes, and I'm falling asleep crying and having dreams about suicide.

On top of it all, yesterday was my birthday. And I had to work. With him.

 

...Didn't even get a cake.

 

I

 

DON'T

 

WANT

 

TO

 

FEEL

 

LIKE

 

THIS

 

ANY

 

MORE.

 

I miss being happy, and having friends, and not relying on alcohol to get to sleep, and eating, and working out, and having fun, and FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCKKKKKKK everything and everyone right now, I'm getting it back. Time to respawn.

 

I'm going to be spending the next few weeks before the next challenge preparing myself. For the last 2 weeks, I've actually been tracking all my food to make sure I eat enough. I'm really surprised I only took one day off when I got dumped, actually. I guess however much I love/d him, there was still a sliver of self-preservation in me. Which is weird because my diet is usually the first thing to suffer.

 

Sorry guys, this is turning into a bit of a rant. I'm getting my life back. It's not going to be anything like the life I had, but it'll be mine all the same.

[shaar]

Oh jeez, girl.  You've had a hell of a time.  I'm sorry your life turned into a whirlwind of destruction and yuck.

 

But look at you committed to coming back strong and giving it another go!!  That's a big first step to say, yeah, I need to make things better.  The Rebellion's got your back no matter what.

 

Welcome back, and good luck on crushing your next challenge!  Here's to picking yourself up and feeling better and happier about everything.

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

Well,

that sucked.

 

Sorry you've been through the ringer, it's not fair. We're here for you, good on you for getting back on track. Channel that anger into determination to be healthy.

[SomeGuyFromScotland]

"Why do we fall? So that we might better learn to pick ourselves up."

 

You got this. I'll keep my eyes open for your next challenge and follow along.

[basscrack]

I hear you, depression really can suck the life out of you. Good on you for wanting to get back up and brush the dust off. I'm struggling with a lot of that myself right now too, so if you want an accountabilibuddy, feel free to PM me. Sometimes it helps just to have other people keeping you on track. We can struggle together, haha. Sometimes it helps me to have someone else's problems to focus on. Like I need to make myself stronger to help other people through their hard times, then my problems don't seem so big. So whether it is someone on NF or someone close to you, find someone you can help who can help you too.

[PixieKitten]

Thanmk you so much guys! I've definitely given myself something to cheer myself up.. yesterday I booked two tickets to Disneyland Paris! Now when it gets tough at work, I can just think 'It's gonna be ok...You're going to Disneyland!'

I'm a massive Disney fan so this is awesome. And now I have more motivation to work to earn that £900 back I've Just got my new passport so if ever I feel like I need to get away for a bit, it's finally a possibility!