Starting over again... again.

[Jannit]

About six months ago to the day I posted a very lovely post talking about how I was going to do everything right! How I was taking control of my life and starting to take care of myself! I had a plan and knew what to do and I was going to conquer the world!   I was super motivated and on point ... for a while. Then, I basically forgot about it. The only progress I've made in that time is to make the scale bounce up and down by about a 15 pound margin and ended up back in the same place. I don't think I've even really logged into the website in the last five and a half months.

 

Life came out swinging and instead of fighting back, I hid. I hid under processed foods, candies, sweets, etc. All of it became my blanket.

 

I'm currently approaching my 35th birthday and I don't want to keep doing to myself what I have been doing for the last dozen or so years. In that time, I've had some massive weight fluctuations with the most recent one starting when I quit smoking six years ago. I'm still a non-smoker but that's about the only good thing I've done for myself. I've tried various activities: weight lifting, martial arts, even running a 10km race (and all the training that came along with it) but none of these things have 'stuck.' I'm having a hard time finding my reason to put my running shoes on or go practice kicking things. The extra 80 pounds I've been carrying around for the last several years just feels heavier each day even if the scale isn't moving.

 

I've worked with trainers. I've worked without trainers. 

 

At the end of the day, I know deep down that the thing I really need to change is what and how I eat. Everything else can happen well enough but eating is my kryptonite. The dumb thing is it doesn't even really matter what the food is; I just eat too much of it. 

 

I don't want to spend the next five years the way I've spent the last five years. I'd like to hit 40 rocking it. Feeling strong and confident and being healthy. I'd like to be able to shop wherever I want rather than having to make sure it's a store with my sizes in it. 

 

Currently, I'm working on taking control over what I eat. I've started canning my own foods so that the serving size is reasonable for grab-and-go lunches and also so I know what's in them! I'm trying to make food a priority rather than an after thought so that I know what it is I'm going to be eating rather than grabbing whatever is easy and close. I'm not sure how far this will take me but it feels like a step in the right direction. 

 

If people have suggestions or words of wisdom, I'd love to hear from you on things I can do! I'm frustrated and having a hard time finding the motivation or discipline to do this even though I know it's time for it. 

[JPrev]

Why'd you stop all those other activities?

[Raincloak]

I have a hard time "finding reasons" to work out too.  That's pretty normal.

 

I respectfully suggest you set a BIG athletic goal and work toward it.  eg, last spring I set a goal of completing a marathon when I turned 30.  That didn't work out entirely as planned (I wound up doing the half marathon instead), but I had to go do my workouts or suffer the eternal shame of DNF.  It got me out the door.  A 10k is nice but it's not big enough to keep you working out for months and months, unless you're a lot more competitive than me. Consider booking a triathlon or long-distance bike ride for next summer.  Enroll now, sink the money, and then download a training plan and stick it on your wall.  With a big highlighter pen next to it so you can mark off workouts.  Just make sure you choose something you personally want, or it'll just stress you out more.

 

As for the munchies, doesn't take Freud to notice you probably got some kind of oral fixation going there  You need to find something else besides eating to let off stress.  Portion control is good, but your main problem is you let off stress by eating, the same way you used to let it off by smoking.  It's not about discipline or motivation, it's about dealing with the scary feelings.  Like you said "it doesn't matter what kind of food it is," which suggests it's not the food itself that tempts you, it's the act of eating.  That is a habit you can change.

 

Maybe get some gum or carrots and chew it when you feel the need to munch, or get a cup of tea and sip it.  Avoid anything really sweet, which will trigger you to eat more.  Also, start going for walks when you get anxious.  It's a great stress reducer and you need to walk to burn off some weight anyhow.

 

Meanwhile, get thee to a counselor, preferably one who specializes in cognitive/behavioral therapy or one who treats addictions or eating disorders, so you can learn about the brain patterns that induce you to stress eat and change those patterns into something more suitable.  (don't go to psychotherapy, that's just laying on a couch talking about your mother.  It's no good for this kind of problem.)  Ask your counselor about anxiety and whether you might need something for that.

[Jannit]

Thanks very much for the comments, Raincloak. You have some very good points there that I hadn't considered before. I'll take a bit of time to think it over and see what type of "Big" event I want to work towards.

 

The 10km was something I did over a few months one summer and it was a couch to 10km sort of thing. I've never been a runner so getting that far was absolutely a win for me. You're right, it wasn't big but it was manageable and didn't scare me off completely. That said, I haven't really run since. 

 

 

I absolutely do have an oral fixation. It's something I haven't been able to break, and honestly haven't thought much about, since I quit smoking. I really like your suggestions on how to deal with it and I'll do a bit of testing to see if I can find something that works. I'll focus on the habit rather than the activity. Comparatively, smoking was a lot easier to quit (I say this as a long-time smoker that gave it up kicking and screaming) because it boils down to nothing more complicated than just not putting a cigarette between your lips and inhaling. Food is a bit tougher as not eating wasn't really an option. Thanks for the recommendation on cognitive/behavioral therapy. I'll look into that. 

 

 

Why'd you stop all those other activities?

 

 

A variety of reasons.I'm not a huge fan of running and quit that because I'd accomplished the goal I'd set and never really had the motivation to keep going. I liked it while I was out doing it but it was never something I looked forward to so putting it aside after finishing the race wasn't much of a loss.

 

My martial arts stopped when I started a new job working longer hours that made it impossible to get to the nearby satellite club on time and the main club was a 75 minute drive four times a week (for a 2.5 hour class). With the new job and a new relationship both starting around that time, making the time to get out there just didn't work. Even now with hours that have gone back to normal and without a relationship in the way, it's a big chunk of time to try to fit into the rest of my life.

 

As for weight lifting, I have no excuse. I got lazy and just didn't go with all the other stuff that was going on in life. 

[Amelia Crewe]

 

 

I got lazy and just didn't go with all the other stuff that was going on in life.

 

This is my attitude towards all of it... and I'm pretty sure that's the main thing that I need to change. The idea that fitness/eating healthy doesn't go with my life is wrong. It's the other way around. My life right now doesn't go with being healthy and active.

 

PS the oral fixation struggle with food is #real. I definitely have an oral fixation   If it's not food then my fingers or a pen cap.

 

While this is a huuuge concern for me I don't have any helpful advice yet. But would love to see what other people say.

[MAGICFATSO]

Hello Jannit!

I can relate to your story. I'm 26 years old and have been on and off the fit train for the last 3-4 years. I'm always looking for REASONS to do stuff.

What is the MEANING of studying, working out, etc? The problem is thinking about it. Deep down, you know that excersising will lead to a better life. Eating healthy will extend your life and the quality of it. You know all of this. So just do it. I am being blunt because I am having a good week.

 

At the end of the day, it's not about reasons or and meanings, it's about doing (what you know will benefit you), or not doing it.

 

It's always better looking back and having some achievement to rely on.

Wanna know what I did yesterday? I worked out, did my german homework and cooked a healthy dinner for my girlfriend and myself.

 

Yes, it's small and silly, but it's one step closer to conquering the world.

 

P.S: I had some ice cream too, but don't tell My Fitness Pal.