Marauder decides to stay and be a Ranger (photo heavy)

[Marauder]

I'm hooked, so I thought it might be time for a real intro.  And so it came to pass...

 

TL;DR:  small town living, moved west, health struggles, recovery, NF, ooh pretty pictures.

 

 

I am 46 (47 this month and during the challenge, woot!) and I call Utah home.  I was born and raised back east.  Have lived in Tennessee and Maryland.  My youth was a typical small town story with a bit of hiking, fishing, rapelling, farm adventures, even some target shooting.  A combination of unsavory youthful dalliances led me to move back home with my folks in my early 20s… always a stellar moment in one’s history!  As luck would have it, my folks made a big move out west within a couple of months of my arrival and I went along for the adventure.  

 

 

The west was home instantly.  Alpine, desert, red rock vistas, hot springs, salt flats, lakes, rivers.  Ahhh….  It was a new beginning in many ways.  My 20s were filled with adventure.  I maximized my western experience.  I backpacked, camped, rock climbed, skydived, even did a little flying.  Visited all the places.  Some of the most amazing and awe-filled times of my life.  Perhaps a bit reckless in my ways, but nearing the end of my 20s, married my husband and began to settle in.  Bought a house, had 2 kids, 2 dogs. 

 

 

My medical @#$% hit the fan in my early to mid 30s with a diagnosis of Graves disease and the aftermath of same.  I hesitate to list my trials here, but in participating in the women’s NF Academy group, I’ve found many others going through some of these things with questions and fears.  My path was ripe with complications and certainly most with a Graves diagnosis do not have this sort of experience.  It is, however, a BIG part of who I am.  Here is my 30s people…  (skip ahead if you like… seriously)

 

• after the birth of my 2nd child, I joined weight watchers to take off a few.  It worked miraculously well.  In fact, it seemed I could eat far beyond my “points†and still win at the scale every week.  It was amazing.  Weight watchers was the best thing EVER!
• started falling down a lot, knees gave way, could not put on mascara without taking out an eye, severe hand tremors, racing heart most of the time, kept losing weight despite terrible overeating, terrible temper
• self-diagnosed and got confirmation from MD… graves disease.  referred to endocrinologist.
• tried thyroid blocking drugs, but was madly swinging from hypo to hyper and EKG indicated ongoing resting heart rate of 120 bpm and doctors recommended RAI, radioactive iodine, treatment to essentially kill thyroid
• drank radioactive juice out of a straw under a giant vent hood while guy in a biohazard suit watched from across the rubber lined room, escorted from hospital by security.  Freakiest experience of my life.  No superpowers were gained.
• at first post-RAI checkup, a lump was found in my neck and surgery scheduled.  Cancer possible.  Biopsy to happen during surgery.  I awoke from surgery with no voice and no ability to swallow.  Tumor was non cancerous, but growing around nerve that goes to vocal cord.  2 inch tumor in total.  Enormous for a neck tumor.  Frankenstein scar… totally!  Sadly, not Halloween.
• attempt raise 2 kids under 5 with no voice above a whisper (lots of clapping and stomping), drink only from a straw, speech therapy for swallowing help and voice.
• wake repeatedly at night with laryngospasm, a very terrifying sudden inability to breathe accompanied by loud wheezing noises and occasionally passing out, likely caused by lack of tension in vocal cords allowing for reflux.
• sign up for experimental surgery to reinnervate my vocal cord with a nerve from the sternocleidomastoid muscle, two surgeries later I can speak at a normal conversational level and shout if I have to.  Eternally grateful for this.  It was a huge turning point for me.
• now that I can eat, and speak, it’s time to deal with my eyes.  I have protrusion associated with the Graves and severe dry eye.  In fact, I’ve had plugs inserted to keep my tear ducts from draining and thereby keeping my eyes wet.  I wear goggles to sleep in (yes, this is not comfortable) to help retain moisture.  
• orbital decompression surgery (you can google it if you want, but suffice to say… it’s a bitch and the pictures ain’t pretty), two procedures, one each eye.  4 or 5 blepharoplasties to fix my eyelids afterward without anesthetic or sedative (really not very fun to watch someone cut and sew your eyelid, but you have to be able to move your eyelids for them).
• at some point during this time, I also had a breast cancer scare and lumpectomy.  It’s a blur.

 

 

My 30s weren’t all strife though.  Our family had many, many adventures during this time.  We camped in incredibly amazing places…  We hiked, biked, skied, visited the ocean, grew our hair long, had disco parties, and celebrated all the victories!  We badassed those 30s!

 

Ah, the golden 40s…  A time for gratitude, mental and physical recuperation.  I am still in awe of my and my family’s ability to gracefully persevere in the face of my trials the last decade.  It was hard for everyone and they were rock solid.  I don’t think I ever really lost it during the whole of those medical processes thanks to their support.  Near the end, at a general physical, my doctor was a bit concerned upon palpating my neck and sent me in for an emergency thyroid ultrasound and I LOST MY SHIT.  I parked my car in the parking lot and threw a giant pity party with tears, throwing things, whole 9 yards.  I still don’t understand why.  I suppose it was my limit.  It turned out everything was fine and I left feeling it was over, really over.  I’d made it.  We’d made it.  It was a perceptible shift from survival mode to healing mode.

 

 

I look back at that list above and it seems unsurmountable even when I know I made it.  In hindsight (and with the wisdom of NF), the key to my success was my support system and that I naturally fell into a one-step-at-a-time mode.  The next step was unknown or out of my hands.  This is NOT my normal mental state.  I am a classic underpants-collector to the extreme and extremely impatient.  My greatest successes have happened one step at a time and when I bring my team.  I’ve gained weight through the last decade, nothing insurmountable, but it’s harder to lose with hormone issues of any kind.  I’ve given myself too much leeway in eating well and being active.  I’m turning that around now with NF… one step at a time.

 

 

Dear self, small sustainable steps.  Don’t think too far ahead… about 6 weeks is perfect. 

 

 

PS.  Fell in love with photography along the way, all photos my own.

[Ducki]

 No superpowers were gained.

 

Sorry, but I have to disagree with that. You are superwoman incarnate!

 

Amazing pictures and amazing story. It's good to meet you properly Marauder.  

[Ducki]

And I'm soooo envious of where you live!  I went for two week road trip round California, Nevada and Arizona a couple of summers ago. Most amazing trip of my life! We didn't quite make it into Utah, due to a lack of time, but I shall be back one day! I left my heart well and truly in Arizona! 

[Eureka]

I second Ducki in the fact that I am pretty sure you gained some kick ass resiliency superpowers during your treatments. Gorgeous photos. I am very glad that I got to witness you taking your small sustainable steps on your first six week challenge. Here's to the next one, your at home support system and your NF one....and most importantly to you!