Fullmetal Living (for real)

[FullmetalDoctor09]

Greetings, fellow nerd/fitness enthusiasts.

 

I am the Fullmetal Doctor, and please allow me to explain. At once time in my life, I was the stereotypical fat kid, plagued with asthma, allergies, and terrible gastro-intestinal problems and acne. On top of that, I was obsessed with pokemon, Dragon Ball Z, and Star Wars. The good thing was that, as a kid, i had friends and therefore never realized that people made fun of me. Though ignorance is bliss, middle school stomps innocence. I realized I was a target and began to change myself completely. I stopped liking my nerdy passions, adopted a rick t-shirt, learned to play guitar, and started hanging with the stoners. 

 

I cleaned up in high school thanks to a religious experience, but I never lost the weight. When I realized that girls mattered (ladies I began trying to loose weight. I remember thinking that the basketball team was fit, cool, and loved, three things I wanted more than anything. However, I was terrible at sports. I started lifting weights and without diet changes I lost weight and gained muscle, ending high school at 5' 11" and 150 lbs. In college, I faced some serious life trauma and family upheaval; my mom walked out, my surrogate mother died, my father attempted suicide, and I was forced to drop out of college (i had a full ride to a very prestigious school) to care for him. 

 

I started working full time to support my father, spending many a night sleeping in my car. At my lowest emotional point I attempted suicide. Because of my fiance (now wife of three years) and the grace of God, I am alive today. To cope with the trauma, I discovered running and added it to my regular weight lifting routine. The problem was, while I lifted three days a week and ran every day (HIIT) I was living on work food, which consisted of frapichinos from my day job and corn bread from my night job waiting tables. 

 

Fast forward. I got back in school, finished my degree, and started graduate school. Then, at 24 years old, I fell and broke my hip. Lying in the hospital bed, I discovered that I was now, after eyars of abusive eating/dieting/living, I was 5' 11" and 98 pounds. I broke because I was anorexic. Further, I was diagnosed with anemia, anorexia, and clinical depression. 

 

Now we are up to present. I am happily married to the love of my life that has stuck with me through late nights of pointless crying, binge eating battles, starvation battles, and two other suicide attempts. She is my angel. I am about to graduate from graduate school with a Masters in Religion, something i never thought I would do. What is more, I am on my way to becoming a therapist (ironic, no?) I hear that most therapists become therapists to deal with their own issues!

 

I have been on a journey of rediscovery. I have found my nerdy passions again. I still struggle with my depression on a daily basis, my disordered eating (now a binge eating disorder) and the problems resulting from the injury, but I am a work in progress. Some days are set backs, but I keep moving. 

 

I have named myself the Fullmetal Doctor because I misunderstood the laws of equivalent exchange. One life is never worth another, and in trying to trade mine for a different one, one that I had created as a perfected "me", I lost myself. Now the consequences are my fullmetal hip. It hurts. All the time. But I will not give up. I want to help others that have hurt like this because emotional hurt always manifests in physical and relational hurt to the self and others. 

 

ON A LIGHTER SIDE: I am a huge comic book fan and trying to complete my collection of Geoff Johns Green Lantern comics now! I love Fullmetal Alchemist (if you cant tell) and have started Inuyasha with my wife (she is the real anime fan). I also love star wars and have participated in an ongoing dnd game since 2010. 

 

I hope to contribute a bit of personal touch to the forum, moving some of the more negative self talk into positive realms. I recognize that every day is a trial for many, and though I am not on a weight loss journey like so many, I have been there and been to the dark side of weight loss. I am 115 right now and still see a big fat guy in the mirror. Self talk and be destructive, and I hope together we can all emerge from this journey the best, happiest, and healthiest versions of us that we can muster. 

 

Thanks for letting me ramble and share. 

 

[Hardway]

Glad to have you here and glad you made it through the storm.  Welcome and never give into fear (Green Lantern quote for you) 

[FullmetalDoctor09]

thanks for the encouragement! I look forward to the journey and will not fear the blackest night