Epiphany

[UltimateJinx007]

So, I think I finally had a breakthrough last night.

 

I’ve been trying to figure out why I keep sabotaging myself. Diet, exercise, trying new things, you name it.  I thought it was maybe some lingering issue I have with everything needing to be just the way it should; things not happening the way they should use to really bother me. But not really anymore. Maybe a bit, but not enough to be on this scale.

 

Then it dawned on me. I’ve become afraid of bucking the norm and feel I need to be what others see me as.  I’m a mom, I can’t act this way. I’m an office worker, I need to behave this way. My husband is visible and becoming more visible in our church, I definitely have to act a certain way. My family has always known me to be like this, so I shouldn’t change because it will upset them.

 

Now, I’m not saying I’m going to punk my hair, get a bunch of piercings, and move to Australia. (Though honestly, that all does sound like fun.) But I need to find a way to be me, without freaking out everyone I know. I  need to become the person I want to be, even if it makes others uncomfortable. Or even if I think it will make people uncomfortable. I noticed that when you noticed I had lost a little weight, I suddenly started gaining back a lot of weight. Stupid I know, but now I know why.

 

Probably why I enjoy working out at the Y so much. No one knows me, so no one has any expectations but me. And I can be whoever I want to. It’s refreshing.

 

And thus, the epiphany has finally come to an end.

[idealistinfire]

I totally freaked out the first time a coworker (well, the CEO) asked if had been working out my arms because they looked a lit thinner and stronger. Was unmotivated for a bit after that - I liked thinking my weight was invisible. But I kind of got use to it.

And yeah, I love meeting new people because of the lack of expectations.

We'll keep rooting for you, even if the family freaks out

[Closet Librarian]

It's funny, I've found that the older I get, the less I care what other people think of me.  I figure in about fifteen years I'm going to be dressing in head-to-toe mismatched animal prints and wearing plastic parrot earrings that reach down to my shoulders and orange lipstick.  I can hardly wait.