Help me, Obi Wan

[Cinnamonbite]

I'm in the throes of battling myself. I have new pieces of the puzzle but I'm not on the road to fitness yet. Or maybe I do have all the pieces and I don't realize it.

History:

I've had IBS for decades. Actual DECADES! All I could figure out was to avoid dairy (well sometimes. Because sometimes it doesn't effect me at all), avoid apples, super sugary things, super oily things, and I hate vegs and fruits and meat. Yeah, I was raised on frozen processed food so that's what I like. It's hardwired. So that's how I lived my whole life. The results of that have been NO muscle development, even though I've been lifting heavy for, again, decades. I started when I was about 14. Anja Langer did too and look at her now. Sheesh! My normal weight is about 190, but that just means that over a period of years, I starve it down--once all the way down to 127 (of course, I had to skip 3 days of eating to get there and spend a day at a waterpark moving constantly) but it popped back up to 187, then starve down to 165, then back up to 190, then down to 185, then back up. If I let it, it would keep going up, no problem.

Around September, I discovered something. After all this time, I stumbled on the SCD diet and the world has opened up for me! No wonder cheese doesn't always make me sick! No wonder I can't tolerate vitamins! No wonder even canned food makes me ill! And then I saw Fat Head and discovered Wheat Belly. WHY DIDN'T ANYONE TELL ME THIS YEARS AGO????!?!?!?! I stopped all grains, all sugars, and I'm so much better! My fat gut it gone! I've lost nearly 30 pounds fairly easily, and I'm not sick constantly. Well, right now, I'm having a flare up, damn that sriracha sauce. Sugar. 2nd ingredient.

But here's the problem, my mirror works and I've done this before, I'm on my way to skinny-fat. I can see. I'll just be a smaller version of what I have right now, and worse, I'm so old now, that sag is never going to go away on it's own. So, I'm lifting again, meaning I'm not losing weight anymore. It's perfectly understandable but I'm not sure I'm ready for that commitment. It makes me so unhappy to see the scale not move. The other problem is, I don't ever gain muscle. I lift heavy, I work hard, but nothing happens. I lift as heavy as I can and I can't get past a certain point. I've been bench pressing 35 pounds for 30 years. Seriously. I just can't lift any heavier. My deadlift stops at 135. I can't even lift that right now, I'm lifting 65 pounds and it hurts and it's hard. It never gets easier.

The Problem:

I suspect that I don't eat enough, but if I overeat, my IBS kicks in and out everything comes for a couple of days, so if I can't even keep food in, telling me to force feed for muscle growth in not going to work. When I lift, I'm fighting head-rushes and my ears plug up so that's all signs that scream that I clearly don't have enough juice to work with, right? All the rest of the day my muscle throb and ache worse than they ever used to because my calories are so low, but eating clean is naturally low in calories. And I've tried adding more fat. I got a tablespoon of coconut oil, mixed it with a dab of honey and cinnamon and boy, was I running for the bathroom within 20 minutes. I still can't do oily food, apparently. This is more than just eating for body building so I won't cheat. I will not eat grains, starch, or any form of sugar. I had a mug of tea last week that set me off. Ingredients list said there was corn starch in my friggin' tea. I will not be eating anything not on the approved list so don't waste your time saying I should eat some rice anyway or some sweet potatoes won't kill me. Yes, actually, they just might and I can't believe that there isn't a way to do this while eating non-processed healthy food. I'm eating plenty of meat and eggs, I try to eat vegs and I just can't bear much fruit. I also choke down the mandatory SCD yogurt that I make myself. Gag! I've always hated yogurt! But if I don't have it, my bowels turn to liquid. On a good day, this equals about 800 calories. I've been buying fattier cuts of meat and I even eat bacon on occasion (it's so messy, it's barely worth the clean-up) but, you know, meat is pretty filling. I don't normally eat dinner, not hungry. I'm not much for breakfast...so I eat lunch around 2 or 3. That's my problem. I can't seem to eat right, whatever right is. Maybe this is right for my body, but it's not right for building muscle. I don't know what to do. I think I'm literally too stupid to feed myself.

I don't know how to work this but I know that if I don't make changes, I won't be happy. I just don't know how to make changes. For now, I'm lifting. I'll following the same pattern of lifting religiously for a few months and if I don't see any results, I'll give up again. Been there, done that, over and over and over and over.

[spatzcat]

I can understand your frustration. You've got a lot of issues to deal with here...First off, let me say that eating clean is not naturally low in calories, you just have to eat more food when you are eating clean....and if you are, you'll find you need more food to fill you up, because you are not filling up on crap food.

Your first step should be to try to eat 3 meals a day. this will never work if you don't learn to eat breakfast and dinner.

You also need to start to add some veggies to your diet. You need to unlearn what you were raised on, and if you want this bad enough, you need to move out of your comfort zone.

Ideally, you want to be eating breakfast - snack - lunch - snack - dinner - snack...

These are 6 small meals basically spread throughout the day, so you are not eating 3 huge meals. Smaller meals spread at good intervals will keep you fuller longer....this might be good for your IBS.....I don't know much about IBS, but i would imagine stuffing yourself at 1 meal might not be a good idea.....

That's all I've got for now...anyone else?

[jdanger]

Welcome! I'm glad you're on the path to health.

First,

So, I'm lifting again, meaning I'm not losing weight anymore... It makes me so unhappy to see the scale not move. The other problem is, I don't ever gain muscle.

These statements contradict eachother. The most probable explanation for why the scale isn't moving when you introduce weight training is that you are in fact gaining lean mass. This is why we don't only pay attention to the scale. It can "lie" to you by giving you a false representation of what's going on in your body. If you're admittedly skinny fat you may need to add weight in the form of lean mass to reach a healthier set point. This finding then is cause for celebration rather than unhappiness.

I will not be eating anything not on the approved list so don't waste your time saying I should eat some rice anyway or some sweet potatoes won't kill me. Yes, actually, they just might and I can't believe that there isn't a way to do this while eating non-processed healthy food. I'm eating plenty of meat and eggs, I try to eat vegs and I just can't bear much fruit. I also choke down the mandatory SCD yogurt that I make myself. Gag! I've always hated yogurt! But if I don't have it, my bowels turn to liquid. On a good day, this equals about 800 calories. I've been buying fattier cuts of meat and I even eat bacon on occasion (it's so messy, it's barely worth the clean-up) but, you know, meat is pretty filling. I don't normally eat dinner, not hungry. I'm not much for breakfast...so I eat lunch around 2 or 3. That's my problem. I can't seem to eat right, whatever right is. Maybe this is right for my body, but it's not right for building muscle. I don't know what to do. I think I'm literally too stupid to feed myself.

I don't know how to work this but I know that if I don't make changes, I won't be happy. I just don't know how to make changes. For now, I'm lifting. I'll following the same pattern of lifting religiously for a few months and if I don't see any results, I'll give up again. Been there, done that, over and over and over and over.

I know people with major gut issues who have great success on the GAPS diet which is very similar to the SCD so if you haven't researched this you may want to check it out. I know GAPS places special scrutiny on diary, even fermented forms, so you might want to investigate the alternative sources of flora. When you have a condition like this your first priority is to heal and you can feel much better before you're well and truly "better". If you can't eat enough to support lifting heavier weights, don't worry about it for now. Eat the way you think you have to for better health and do what you can workout-wise in the meantime. Doing something is always going to be better than doing nothing. After a while (potentially years) you may find that you can reintroduce certain safe CHO sources and thus get more aggressive in the weight room.

I saved this question purposefully for the end to emphasize the much greater importance of the other stuff going on but what does your weight training look like? Higher reps or lower? Tons of accessory work or focus on the big compound lifts? Ect..

[Sco]

Welcome!

These statements contradict eachother. The most probable explanation for why the scale isn't moving when you introduce weight training is that you are in fact gaining lean mass. This is why we don't only pay attention to the scale. It can "lie" to you by giving you a false representation of what's going on in your body. If you're admittedly skinny fat you may need to add weight in the form of lean mass to reach a healthier set point. This finding then is cause for celebration rather than unhappiness.

I agree with jdanger on this one. Your muscles may not be growing in size, but they are getting stronger. Muscle naturally weighs more than fat, so your body composition can be changing whether or not the scale changes. The actual muscle growth in size occurs when you are eating a surplus of calories, which doesn't seem to be your case from what you shared.

I also agree with spatzcat about eating at least three meals a day. In order to get those calories to continue building the muscle, you could try to eat more of the food that does agree with you, and make habits of eating more regularly throughout the day.

Best of luck, and I hope you can continue to fit more pieces of the puzzle together!

[Cinnamonbite]

These statements contradict eachother.

I know, right? That's my inner demons there, battling it out. I keep thinking I shouldn't weigh myself because I'm not going to lose weight at this point. But then I think I HAVE to weigh myself because what if I start gaining. But then I think how can I gain? I'm not cheating. I'm not over eating.

I saved this question purposefully for the end to emphasize the much greater importance of the other stuff going on but what does your weight training look like? Higher reps or lower? Tons of accessory work or focus on the big compound lifts? Ect..

Work out is:

Deadlifts-3 sets of 7

Squats-same

Lat pulldowns-same

planks

leg lifts

I'm trying to get up to 5 x 5 but it's not going to happen this week.

[Cinnamonbite]

I saw a muscle in the mirror today.

I just thought this should be a red-letter moment!

Looks like a pec muscle with a hint of lats. Apparently, this all weighs half a pound, LOL, because that's what I've gained this week. Or maybe this all weighs 5 pounds and I've actually lost weight but I can't tell because I'm building muscle. Yes, that's what I'll tell myself.