I need your help, I lack of everything.

[RdG]

So i just lost my bestfriend over a series of fairly stupid fights. I know it would all have been solved if i was living let's say... 6.000 miles closer?

But anyways, this friend was also my girlfriend for a while, we broke up mainly for the distance reason, and we've been fighting over everything at the point that our friendship is over. In my head, all i can think of is very bad things, bad for me, and is that thing that well, no one really wishes. For the past few days i've had NO motivation at all, no will power, no wish to do anything. She isn't the only reason, for christ sake, but let's say she was my last pillar to hold on to.

My entire life is changing, many things will be 100% different in a few monthes! I'm living this far because of my dad's job that transfered him over, and since we were here, i started university. Now, in the end of 2012, my dad's contract is over, so my family will most probably move back to my country, and i will probably stay, until i get my diploma at least (2016).

Add that to the list, now there is the usual problem, money. I've been unemployed since 2009, can't find a job even as a pizza delivery guy! The reason? No clue, my last job was at EuroDisney and my boss actually told me i could have found way better than that when i got there, because i do have a couple of extras, if you look at local people of my age.

I want to start over, i want to solve my problems, to get back to awesomeness, to have a great daily life with just simple and boring issues to deal with such as "someone put sugar in my coffee" or "damn i'm late for class", but with all that stuff in my head, i can't manage to find a way to go back to my good smilying self, and this forum is one of my hopes, i'm sending this as i would send a bottle with a message in the sea, hoping someone catches it, read it and reply to it.

[Atalan]

I'm sorry to hear about you losing your friend. Unfortunately, and you'll learn as you get older (listen to me, I'm probably no more than 10 years older than you!) that life pretty much is change. If things stop changing either you're in Neverland, or dead. For a long time I entertained a fantasy of wanting an unchanging life. It took me until I was 24 to realize that life doesn't exist, and 26 to embrace it. Now I attack change. I make change. Change does not happen to me. I happen to change, when I choose, but realizing that not choosing is inviting change to come to me.

It's not easy. I haven't mastered it. I hope thinking about it this way helps.

[RdG]

Thanks Atalan, it does help, i never wanted an unchanging life, but until not long ago, i was happy and everything around me was not fine, but awesome. I was just rocking the crap out of life, but in only 2 monthes i lost all the pillars that were holding me up, and i am struggling to change, i'm stuck here and i can't see the light at the end. The idea of "letting go" an unsolved problem is awful, to move on and know that back there i left something to be done... Yes, you are probably older than i am, altough age isn't a factor in this (i'm 20 btw)

Thanks a lot, really.