On Following Your Dream

[WingedWolf]

But what if your dream isn't one of the dreams that people want you to have?

 

 

My name is WingedWolf, and I love inspirational stories. Like most people, I'm deeply familiar with movies that say that your dream is valid, no matter what the people in your life say or think.

 

For example, maybe what someone really wants in this movie is to pursue something academic, going to college, becoming a doctor or a lawyer, something really intelligence-based when the world around them says they're dumb. Cast it off! Make the grade, be yourself!

 

"Be yourself", of course, being a terribly confusing direction, but that is generally presented in the context of these stories as meaning Loving the things you love, doing the things that you have gifts and joy to do, and liking or not liking things, foods, objects, places, or activities that you do or do not like.

 

 

But usually it's only presented as "Be an Athlete", "Be a Classic Artist (Dancer, Actor, Singer, Painter)",  or "Be an Academic (Lawyer, Doctor, Scientist)".

 

I understand why. These types of stories hit a broad audience. I think that this supports people who want to pursue these incredibly societally respected and admired and success-oriented dreams.

 

But these inspiring stories of perseverance and belief in your dreams have never communicated to me that any dream is valid, whoever you are is valid. It has only communicated that if I wanted to be an ACTOR, or a DOCTOR, or an ATHLETE... theeeeeeen my dreams would be valid.

 

Because they'd be "grown-up" dreams.

 

 

If you walk into a girl's room and it's covered in dance pictures, dance binders, dance bedding, posters of dance auditions, calendars with big dates circled of local performances and city auditions, she is "Passionate, true to herself, going places, focused, inspirational."

 

If you walk into her brother's room and it's covered the same way that hers is with dance theme but in aliens... he's a total weirdo who needs to drop their childish obsession and focus on something real with their life. They are seen as a failure, a loser, even if they have the same number of events circled, of model-alien building competitions, the same kinds of posters.

 

As long as they don't keep this interest well hidden, that boy is subject to the constant, constant judgement of everyone around them - especially their parents. They are told they need to "grow up", that they'll "grow out of it eventually", and to be asked what they want in life or want to do only to have their answers categorically dismissed, invalidated, and mocked.

 

This is never seen as mean.

 

 

Or cruel.

 

 

And certainly never as what it is, which is bullying.

 

Because they're just teaching him about the world. They're helping him to realize that he's acting like a child, that he's being naive and ridiculous. Giving him a hand to get on a path that's actually worth something.

 

 

... I am not into aliens. But I have, amidst the panicked running from the "when are you going to choose a Real Dream" pressure to finally actually "Pursue my Dream" (that has never been a dream) of being a Pop Singer or a World Famous Actor or a Musician or "Do Something Real" like get a degree in Linguistics and Communications or something... re-opened to peek at some real dreams.

 

None of which are "acceptable". All of which would make me "obsessed", "childish", and "weird" - especially in the eyes of my family. I would only be "successful" when it looked like one of those other more normal and pressured things to be, to fit into the box of.

 

I know what I like and what I want. I don't have the exact job in mind, but I have an array of collaborating talents and interests and possibilities that I'd love to explore, and the job or jobs are only going to reveal themselves when I actually go into that world.

 

And I know that every pursuit takes effort and hardship. It's a fight and a climb and something you need to keep going at even when you are told no a thousand times.

 

 

But if who I am is not only going to suffer the slings and arrows of trying to climb and build and pursue it, but also be inherently disappointing, alienating, and ridiculous to the people I care about, is it really worth it?

 

I'm terrified of being written off and ostracized and avoided and not-what-was-expected to my parents, people in general, and most of all my girlfriend. 

 

I'm weird. I'm not secretly harboring a dream to be a soccer player, I'm harboring a dream I've never heard go from an affection to a life passion before. I want to draw my dreams and my interests all over my binders and notebooks, buy backpacks and pillows of it, hang poster on my walls, pursue it in my career and in my life.

 

That would have CONSEQUENCES. An an army of fears and "helping" strikes of bullying and all the trouble it will bring me.

 

 

 

I'm scared to be fully honest about who I am, in that storyteller sense. To go after and explore what I want, to be upfront about the things I like, to own things that announce those interests.

 

Playing D&D, running roleplay events, playing games... that stuff has become cool. Heck, I've used those experiences regularly as social status in the circles I've moved in. "Nerd-Cred".

 

What I'm scared of? Is being a weirdo, an outcast, an un-relatable oddity, a 'nerd'... the way it used to mean.

 

I'd love to hear some thoughts on the matter. Maybe from other weirdoes too.

 

Best luck out there,

- WW

 

[fitnessgurl]

I've had so many of my dreams crash and burn that I just don't want to try anymore. Sad but true. Not looking for pity. Just being honest.

[WingedWolf]

I've had so many of my dreams crash and burn that I just don't want to try anymore. Sad but true. Not looking for pity. Just being honest.

 

FG....

[Ahyar Dreamspark]

Quoting Steve/RebelOne:
 

In the book, The Top Five Regrets of the Dying, the #1 regret voiced by those on their deathbeds, having the ability to look back at what they had done or not done in their lives, is that they wished they’d had the courage to live lives true to themselves, as opposed to the lives others expected of them.

 

Let that sink in for a moment.

 

These are not philosophical or hypothetical ponderings, but rather real-life reflections from people who know they’re down to their last quarter in the arcade, so to speak. These people didn’t live the lives they wanted to live; they felt a call to adventure or a call to a path that challenged and fulfilled them, and yet refused the call because they didn’t want to ruffle any feathers or were scared of what that path might reveal. They were the Lukes who never left home.

 

They chose the easy, safe, non-conflicting path; a life that others expected them to live, and they would give anything now for an extra life to try again and take the more adventurous route.

 

http://www.nerdfitness.com/blog/2015/12/23/how-star-wars-helped-me-become-a-better-person/

 

And
 

“Whenever you are presented with a choice, ask yourself which option you would prefer to have taken in ten years.â€

 

Boom. I’m going to guess in 95% of the situations, yourself ten years from now will look back and be happy that you took the chance/tried the class/made the change/etc.

http://www.nerdfitness.com/blog/2011/01/20/why-you-need-to-do-sh-that-scares-you/

 

Conclusion:

 

[WingedWolf]

Naxius, you're awesome.

[Nater]

I have no regrets chasing my dream instead of doing what everyone said I was good at.