Is this right?

[Orangutan]

So I went over to shovel my neighbour's driveway (my mother could get out so I thought I'd help her. Her husband is ill) and my brother gets out of his drug induced stupor(sleep) to say that he can do that. I say "no, that's okay, go back to sleep" so he wakes up my mother to get her to tell me to stop.

At this point I'm getting slightly annoyed (I think he was expecting to be paid) so I just kept going. He then goes out to finish our driveway (no idea why, I get 50$ off my rent for that. Plus he did a half arsed job which I had to fix). When I got back in he started freaking out, threatening to take my stuff (I'm not ashamed to say that I told him precisely what would happen if he did that). He also broke a vaccuum and stole my mother's tv.

Later she tells me that everything he did is my fault. How? All I did was try to be a decent person! I even told him he could have the money if she paid me, but all that did was make him angrier!

/Rant.

[JAbq]

I'd get away from all that if I were in your shoes. Sounds like way to much negativity to breed success in yourself and it'll get you down (or at least it would me).

[Orangutan]

I'm pretty sure if I leave then either my mother or sister will get hurt. He wouldn't dare try anything while I'm here though. Really I just don't understand why she can't see what he's doing. I mean she sees him rip apart a vaccuum and thinks "Oh, it's your fault".

[ebm1224]

she must have a logic to it but, if she's been living with his anger problems for a long time, the logic is likely really skewed. can you ask your mother to explain how it's your fault (you'd need to do it at a time when things are calm and your brother is not there)? maybe if you understand her thinking you'll be better able to help with the entire situation. is this an older/younger brother - how old are you two? what resources can you reach out to such as family counseling?

[Zorch]

she must have a logic to it but, if she's been living with his anger problems for a long time, the logic is likely really skewed. can you ask your mother to explain how it's your fault (you'd need to do it at a time when things are calm and your brother is not there)? maybe if you understand her thinking you'll be better able to help with the entire situation. is this an older/younger brother - how old are you two? what resources can you reach out to such as family counseling?

This sounds like a pretty toxic situation overall, but it may be that she's taking this approach as a form of appeasement - i.e. she recognizes that Orangutan, being the sane one, can handle things - but if she blames his brother, she may be afraid of the reaction.

If there were an opportunity to sit down and discuss the situation with her 1-on-1 without anyone else present, I'd start there and figure out her perspective.

[JAbq]

Sounds rough, but also remember that you can't save the sinking ship if your already drowned. If they cause you extreme stress, eventually you too will succumb to the craziness.

Is all these people old enough to leave the nest, or is the brother your talking about still under age?

[Orangutan]

ebm - I'm 20 and he's 18. Those family resource people just make things a thousand times worse.

Zorch - We're both insane. The only difference is he's evil and I'm just somewhat like a wild animal (or so I'm told).

Jab - Bad example. It's more like two separate ships with one insane crewmember saying "Just give them whatever they want".

[alice-on]

I'm really really sorry that you have to be in this situation. Get out, man. I know, trust me I know, what it's like to be in those situations. They will drag you down with them at all cost. I know you want to be there, and it feels like being there is what you need to do, but nothing will ever change and it will only get worse. That is what happens every single time. Leave while you can and when your sister is able to leave get her out too. If your mom is concerned with her family's safety, she will make your brother leave. That is very possible. Otherwise, there is nothing you can do to help her. That might sound tough, but I'm telling you man, I've been there, I've seen it. It's hard when you feel like you're turning your back on your family, but putting you all in danger is their way of turning their back on you. I've got one cousin that goes on and on about how family is first and no matter what those are the people that you put first. He's a heroin junkie, his brother is addicted to nerve pills, his dad is a crack head, and their grandmother (dad's mom) makes sure they stay that way so that they have to depend on her. They are lying, manipulative, and over all very toxic negative people to be a part of. All had a chance to leave, but never took it. Some families are the worst people to be a part of.

[Blaizen]

I knew a lot of junkies when I was younger, used to be a full time job some days dealing with their crap. One of them was so bad he'd start fights with everybody around him to try and get them to buy him something to take the edge off if he couldn't do it himself.

The thing is I realised it was their crap, not mine. I know it is harder when it's family your dealing with, but sometimes you need to make a stand for yourself. It doesn't have to be aggressive, it doesn't have to be nasty, but it has to be done. Since drugs are in thepicture it won't be pleasent, but if it's dragging you down this much then you need to take a stand.

Sometimes it's about putting yourself first.....