OH not interested

[Tryin2B]

Hi, I've joined in the hope of connecting with like minded people. I have been struggling for two years trying to get into health and fitness after putting on about 4 - stone while being ill. It's hard enough battling with your own mind but I'm finding it incredibly stressful and frustrating that my OH is lazy fat and not interested in joining me on this journey. I detest him for it. Has or is anyone experienced/experiencing the same thing and if so how did you deal with it. It's really getting me down

[Bookish Badger]

Spouses and partners on different pages when it comes to diet and fitness is a common situation. While it can be nice to have the support and participation of a spouse, it isn't necessary. And even when both sides are working towards the same goals, it doesn't change that we are responsible for our own actions, regardless of what someone else says or does. 

 

Focus on your goals and what steps you have to take to realize them. Your other half will or will not join in, depending on his interest levels, so let go of that expectation. Detesting him for not being in the same place mentally that you are is harsh, unfair to him, and a waste of precious energy that you will need to change yourself for the better. 

[Tryin2B]

You are quite right Badger. If I succumb to temptations just because he is stuffing a doughnut in his face, it's MY choice and responsibility to not do the same.

[mengland]

He'll probably join you once he sees how hot you get. He may need to do something slightly different to you - like if you do spin classes and he does weightlifting.

[Noname123]

Yep, let him do his own thing. He'll either keep where he's at or join you. I used to get really really frustrated. One day I just had enough and started doing my own thing. I found it easier to do my healthy thing by having 'his' things and 'my' things. The junk classified as 'his'- since it wasn't mine I wouldn't touch it. 

 

After over a year my SO didn't change at all and I had become almost a different person through my lifestyle change that our difference outweighed our commonalities. We ended up breaking up. 

 

For others things turn out better, but either way, just make sure you're doing what makes YOU happy and don't let others drag you down for the sake of being with someone. 

[Jster422]

I'm a noob in most aspects of this site, but on this one topic I actually have some experience - so - two things:

 

One - Get comfortable saying 'Please don't try to make me feel guilty for having hobbies that make me feel healthier and happier.  While I would love it if you joined me, you don't have to - but please don't try and interfere.'

 

Two - Having a 'solo' hobby does mean taking time away from your OH.  That's just a truth - so I've found it important to balance it out by dedicating time to being together with them in an intentional way.  So for me that would look like 'Okay, I'm taking away an hour of time each day that we used to spend lounging on the sofa.  I need to make a point to spend three hours focusing on my partner each week.'

 

That can be planning a date, going on a walk, stopping on the way home to get flowers or a card or whatever - but just take some time to do something with them in mind.  When I'm actually following that advice, I find it makes the relationship a lot better than just relying on being 'together' by both being tired on the couch looking at our ipads.

 

Anyway, good on you for the work you're doing!