Respawning once again...

[alexis88]

Hello  all, again!! Here for the 4th time, hoping to stick around more this time and get some advice and encouragement. 

 

I wont tell my story again, just quickly, i have severe mental health issues which is debilitating at times, my medication makes me bloated, and very lethargic so i find it hard to get the motivation to just start....how do you start this lifestyle change??

 

Just do it??

 

Im also an alcoholic. But so far im 3 days sober and hoping to really keep it up, i know the beers dont help my energy, depression or weight. 

 

I want to start running. any tips?

 

also, i eat pretty well anyway, lots of veggies, fruit, salad, fish. No meat though. (except the fish!! oooops) 

 

So im back, im trying hard to keep my head above the water....

 

Lets do this??

[Evicious]

Let's do this, indeed!  Welcome to the Rebellion, alexis88. You're already facing a lot of challenges right now, so my advice is to make ONE small change to something and practice that until it becomes second nature.

 

For example, if you want to start running, I suggest you first buy a pair of running shoes, and then go out for a little jog. Pay attention to how your body feels; try to go at a pace that is easy enough you could talk, but not so easy you could serenade the neighborhood. If you tire quickly, simply slow down or walk until you catch your breath and feel some energy coming back, then pick back up into a run again. You don't have to run for any particular distance or length of time, but try to take note of the points where you started out, when you took a bit to recover, and where you end. New runners do best to take a day off in-between runs, but if you feel up to it you can run every day: just remember to keep an easy pace, and only run a mile or so for at least the first few weeks. Running is a high-impact activity, and it takes your body a while to sufficiently strengthen your joints for any increase in speed or mileage.

 

NF founder, Steve Kamb, wrote these articles back in 2011 that you may find useful in getting started:

A Beginner's Guide to Running

How To Not Suck At Running

 

So, you ready to get started?  

[alexis88]

Hey thanks so much Evicious! 

 

I dont think in fact i KNOW, i cant run outside, im too ashamed with how i look. But ive joined the gym and will start on the treadmill. You have inspired me thanks. 

 

I will read Steve's articles as well  

 

I have to wait 4 days for my gym registration to go through, but while im waiting ive been doing some bodyweight exercises. 

 

Still no alcohol as well. Feeling anxious about it but going ok. x

[Evicious]

I started out running EXACTLY the same way! I was terrified of people seeing me; even at the gym, I would only use treadmills in the very back corner of the cardio room - and if there wasn't one available, I would hide in the locker room until it became free. Even when I did start running outside, I made the (somewhat dangerous) choice of only running after dark. Though it certainly wasn't the greatest start in fitness, I'm happy now with every run I've ever had - even my first month, where I couldn't run for more than 15 seconds without slowing down to walk for at least 3 minutes! Each and every one of those runs contributed to what I can do now (and I slacked off quite a bit from there to here ). So don't give up! Just do the best you can every time you lace up: I promise, you'll be amazed at how far you go.

 

Also, good job on the not-drinking! Running can help with the anxiety (say, "Hello, endorphins!") If you start to experience symptoms of withdrawal, however, be sure you don't ignore them: you literally cannot run away from that. Alcoholism is a complicated problem, so don't feel like you can only attack the issue on one front. Do your research, and explore all your options. Remember, you never know what works until you try it!

[Happytin]

Grrr grrrr!!!!! Yeah let's do this! I have battled with alcoholism too, and I am with you 100% of the way.

 

I think a key thing to remember is that alcohol is how you try to cope with negative events and feelings. So when you quit, you need to replace it with other coping methods, otherwise you have this massive void and it is SO HARD. As a society we do this regularly with alcohol, drugs and cigarettes. People use them to cope with our lives and then we think we can whip away their security blanket and are surprised when they relapse. So, a really big thing is to make sure you have a support network around you to help you cope in the situations and with the feelings that you currently use drink for. This might be friends, family, exercise, video games, cooking, therapy, anything that helps you take a step away from alcohol towards healthier ways of coping with life.

 

Something I find helpful is using a habit tracking app, such as Habitbull or Habitica. When you can see the progress you're making it helps you stop and check before you break the streak. I get a sense of satisfaction from ticking stuff off and telling myself that every time I tick something off, it's a bit of XP towards levelling up my life.

 

We'll be with you every step of the way, and if you encounter a bump that's totally okay because a bump doesn't ruin everything...it's just a bump in the path and we're still here.

[alexis88]

Hey thanks so much guys, for your encouragement and inspiring words. 

 

Evicious, im glad you felt the same way, that makes me think i can do this too! 

 

Happytin, thanks  Great idea with the habit tracking, i also like to tick things off, so will look at those apps. 

 

I feel ready to do this and get my life back. 

 

Today ive done my bodywieght exercises, hard going. Eaten really well, drank plenty of water. Just hope my gym membership comes through soon so i can head there.

 

On Tuesday i have to go to my parents to dogsit while they are on holiday for the week, so obviously wont be able to use the gym, but i plan on long hikes and if no one is around, a little jog!!

 

Thanks to you all  x

[alexis88]

got Habitbull, got no alcohol and dont bite nails on there so far haha

[Happytin]

Great start. Have you got any ideas for what you're going to do in situations you might normally use alcohol for?

 

Have you been for a walk and broken into a trot yet?

[alexis88]

2 hours ago, Happytin said:

Great start. Have you got any ideas for what you're going to do in situations you might normally use alcohol for?

 

Have you been for a walk and broken into a trot yet?

 

im not sure, ive been trying to meditate or go out on my bike. Last night was hard i wanted alcohol so bad because i wanted to numb my emotions. I was too 'manic' to meditate and it was midnight so couldnt go on my bike (bit dangerous around here) 

 

any tips??

 

[alexis88]

really struggled tonight with the alcohol. Some bad news in my career made me want to get drunk. Not had cravings this bad for a long time. 

[Evicious]

Sit on your hands, and wait. I know that sounds stupid, but it works: literally just sit down, with your hands under your ass, and focus on just staying completely still. No fidgeting; no bouncing; no rocking - just sit there. It is ridiculously hard to do, considering how simple it is. And there is a reason for doing it: you're practicing how to not react. Normally, the response is drink (or yell, or throw things, or hide, or eat, or chew fingernails, or any number of things people do to alleviate discomfort). None of those responses address the root problem, they only distract from it. So sit. Sit and think. And when the craving has passed, get up and move on with your life. Go brush your teeth, or make your bed, or organize your desk drawer at work; go chat with a coworker; go for a run... take deliberate action.

 

That's my suggestion, anyway. You may find this method doesn't work for you - and that is perfectly ok. @Happytin may have additional thoughts on the matter, but don't wait for us to tell you how to deal with the problem: think about what you've tried in the past, what worked or didn't, and why. You know yourself better than we ever could. We're ready to cheer you on and help you out as best we can, but you're in charge.

[alexis88]

Hey @Evicious thanks so much. Im so sorry to have to tell you i caved and drank quite a lot last night. Ive learnt some things though, i NEED some sort of coping strategy for when these cravings get too much. I have alcohol therapy on Monday so will discuss it then. 

 

Its not just the drinking which is bad, its the knock on effect, my depression gets worse, i forget to take my meds, i lose time, i cant work out, i dont eat well....all things which stop me reaching my goals. 

 

Maybe this time i finally realise that and will move forward... 

[Evicious]

I'm glad to hear you're getting therapy; hopefully, your counselor will be able to help you come up with some strategies for dealing with the cravings. In the meantime, don't dwell on your mistakes too much. Just keep in mind the secondary effects you mentioned, and focus on how you are avoiding those when you say no to a drink.

 

Let us know what you decide to use for your coping strategy!

[alexis88]

Hey, 3rd day sober, doing well with it so far. went out on my bike yesterday when i was craving, hoping as i get into running i can use that too. Drinking lots of water and eating well. One day at a time.... x

[Evicious]

Good job! Keep doing what you're doing. Every day without alcohol is another victory.

[psychic-lipstick]

Starting over is tough, and your challenges make it feel tougher. I am wishing you strength in sticking to it! I'm also respawning, restarting, resetting, and basically giving things another try, too.

 

Can you find a way to reward yourself for succeeding in overcoming cravings -- even if it's just a calendar that you mark off with Xs for the days you managed to get through, so you have a visual reminder of progress in the grand scheme of things? Do you have a plan in place for handling cravings? Like, when you want a drink, you'll do XYZ thing instead? Some people find those things helpful, I think.

[alexis88]

thanks @psychic-lipstick yes a calender is a good idea, im using an app at the moment, which @Happytin suggested. Nice little reminders and stuff on there. 

 

I dont have a plan yet really which is why i struggle. But hoping running will become that plan once i start up. 

 

Im on my 4th day sober. Ive arrived at my parents to dog sit for 9 days whilst they are away. So lots of walks, bike rides, reading, nice healthy food...hoping to have a relaxed week. Then once im back ive began to make plans for the gym. 

 

I want to do 3km a day, starting slow, i cant even run a minute yet so will walk/jog...each day trying to beat my time to reach the 3km. Some days ill cycle to the gym too, which will be 8 miles overall (there and back) some days ill get the tram. 

 

Looking forward to starting properly! x

[alexis88]

Been feeling really anxious today, so much that i was almost physically sick.  

 

Tried to read but finding it tough to concentrate. Been on two walks with the dogs today, good to get out in the fresh air. Even if it did rain heavy on us! Tired now, craving alcohol, feeling sick and weary. 

 

Sorry to complain so much...i feel quite alone and not sure where to turn xx

[Evicious]

Good job getting out and walking despite the weather! As my mom used to say, "You're washable," I remind myself of that every time I get caught without an umbrella.

 

This thread may not be the best way for you to get support when you're fighting your cravings: it's posted in the Respawn thread so when most people see the large number of replies they tend to assume the poster is already getting the support they need and they don't check. Although NF is an immensely diverse group of people and we certainly have members who have struggled, or are struggling, with alcoholism, you are more likely to get immediate support from an online alcohol addiction site because that will be trafficked 24/7 by people facing the same issue. I googled "online alcohol addiction support" and came up with a few sites you may be interested in:

• SmartRecovery.org (and the link to their online forums)
• The Addiction Recovery Guide: Online Treatments (and their guide to recovery chat rooms)
• Recovery.org

NF is an excellent place to get support for the first world struggles of modern mankind, but we're only able to offer advice based on our individual experiences. What you need right now is professional, educated assistance for a medical condition. We can empathize and give personal advice, but we can't truly give you the help you need. It would be the same if you had a broken leg. There are plenty of NFers who've been through that, and they can share stories and give suggestions with how best to heal and get back on your feet - but we can't set the bone, or prescribe meds for the pain, or put the cast on: you need a doctor to do that. Actually, you need a team of doctors, surgeons, and nurses for that - and that's just a broken leg!

I know you mentioned you were going to counseling before, and that is a great start... but it doesn't seem to be providing everything you really need at this time. It seems like you don't have any real-world support to get you through the day-to-day struggles. I know that the AA program puts strong emphasis on sponsor relationships, and it sounds from your posts here on NF that something along those lines is what you're looking for right now. You may find that support online on one of the sites I suggested (or one you find on your own; don't give up looking if you don't like the ones I found), or you may decide you want a real-world partner on this journey.

NF will be here to listen, and to help support you as best we can: but I'm worried we can't provide the full spectrum of recovery support you truly deserve.

 

 

[alexis88]

@Evicious thanks for your message. I do actually post on an alcohol forum, im very close to the people on there and they help me. 

 

I will try not to post about my alcohol struggles here and focus on fitness....!

 

Today has been better, last night i wrote a list to get done and it helped me a lot i think. To have it planned out. Two walks with the dogs done, nice day today so sunglasses out! 

 

anxiety is pretty bad but trying to meditate and read. For now though, the football is on! 

 

Thanks for reading x

[Evicious]

I'm glad to hear you're already linked up with a support group! I apologize if my previous post came across in such a way that you felt discouraged from posting about your struggles with alcohol on NF; that was not my intention. I was worried you didn't have any additional support other than posting here on NF. I understand how crucial it can be to have the people who can help you available when you need them. It concerned me that you received no response on your last post for over 21 hours, and I didn't want to chance that you would feel discouraged because of that.

 

I'm proud of how much walking you're getting in! And I'm sure your pups appreciate it even more.

[alexis88]

Yes they  are great, we are like a family  

Oh no, you didnt come across anything other than helpful - i should focus on fitness here, but i will discuss my other struggles just not too much. thanks again for your concern and loveliness

 

Thanks! Yes they are flat out now sleeping, one of them is barking in her sleep dreaming haha 

Ive had a nice bath and settled in for the night. x 

[Happytin]

Hello, I'm so sorry I haven't been around @alexis88 when you've been struggling. I'm really glad to hear you've been able to pick yourself up after the bump rather than rolling backwards. That's a great achievement and perhaps there's a time in the past where you wouldn't have been able to do that.

 

It's great that you are getting some counselling. I think that's very important in discovering healthier coping mechanism to replace the drinking. @Evicious seems to have come up with some good distracting things to help push past the initial impulse. Something I have found helpful, and many nerds here do it when they're feeling down about fitness, is reminding myself why I'm putting myself through this. So for me not drinking was part of looking after myself better. Looking after myself included eating, sleeping, exercising, caring for my appearance etc, which meant I could have a job, friends and so forth. All these things meant I could look after my cat, be less of a worry to my family, eventually contribute positively to society by helping others, get strong so I could save people, and so forth. I found that reminding myself of the long chain of little actions that would build up to something pretty great helped to keep me from making that first step.

 

Another thing I found helped when things were really rough was the "after this" rule. I could have a drink "after this". After this might be doing the laundry, walking the dog, ironing a shirt, whatever. After the thing was done, I'd reassess things and say "well I did that thing and didn't die so I'll have a drink after this..." until the feeling wasn't so massive.

 

When things are hard it's important to have people who support you or just people you can talk to, shoot the breeze. It's great to see you're getting involved on here, and you have other forums too. Perhaps you might like our chat room too.

[alexis88]

Hey Happytin, thanks so much for your great message. No need to apologise i assure you  You are totally right about the past, to be honest in the past i would of self harmed, but not done that for 6 months! 

 

your advice is great, thank you again. I will be sure to write a list, WHY i want this...

 

x

[alexis88]

Two walks done with the dogs again today. Not too long but exercise done. 

 

Taking Happytin's advice on a WHY list - here is mine. 

 

I want to get fit because:

 

• I want to be able to run, i always imagine a zombie or an axe murderer after me...what would i do!?
• I want to run with my sister, who is very good and does 5 & 10km races a lot.
• I want to lose weight which will give me confidence. Im so low on confidence at the moment, it scares me. 
• I want to fit into nice clothes, i have good fashion ideas but i always wear the same baggy dark clothes to hide away. 
• I want my sleep, energy, reflexes, and abilities to all improve. 
• I want to join the girls fooball team, im good at it but im just so unfit there is no point playing till i can run a bit!

 

I want to drink less/stop altogether because:

 

• Not drinking means my mental health is better. 
• My head is clearer, i can get things done, i can work out, i can make art in my studio.
• If i drink, i lose time...I spend the next two days hungover and miserable.
• If i drink i feel guilty and anxious. 
• If i drink i cant look after my cat well enough, i dont feed him early etc
• If i dont drink, it will help me lose weight.