geronimo!

[AmerlioratingAirwrecka]

Well, here goes. This could turn into a very long story so I will try to spare you all my usual rambling as much as I can. Currently I am 28 going on 29 years old, 5'6" and weigh 222lbs. 

 

I am a mom of two boys who I had when I was 20 and 21 and for a majority of the last 7 years was a single mom. I was very skinny my entire young life. I know what you're thinking- I am going to blame the kids on this one, but no, sadly, this is all my doing. I actually lost quite a bit of weight after having them, I'd say kickstarted by breast feeding and aided by a 21-22 year old's metabolism. Until I hit about 23, I slowly started to pack on the weight. I'm not going to sugar coat it (I might eat it, har har har,) I have always had a horrible body image that I can't really even understand or explain. At 17 years old, 115lbs, 5'6" I thought I was disgusting and that I just wasn't as good looking, skinny or whatever, as all the other girls around me. I know, I want to slap 2005 me, too. Over the years there have been many times where I have said, that's it, I've had enough, I am going to lose the weight, and it just never stuck. Worse, I kept gaining weight instead. I was in a relationship with a very shallow person for a few years where I was made to feel even worse about myself behind the guise of just wanting me to be healthy (not just in my head- he would slip up rude comments about being embarrassed and such now and then,) which just made my self image that much worse. Looking back, I wasn't even really an unhealthy weight then. Actually, I think to get even within +/-10 lbs of that weight would be a good healthy weight for me, but I digress. After that relationship ended I took a very long hiatus to really figure out what it is that I want from life, a partner, myself etc. I ended up meeting a great guy who truly does love me every bit of how I am, something I always knew I wanted. 

 

During the years I was diagnosed with a thyroid disorder called Hashimoto's which for those of you who don't know, is an autoimmune disease where your body is attacking your thyroid like it is a foreign body. It's different from just regular hypothyroidism because you really have to treat the antibodies more-so than your thyroid itself. I have been reading for years that there is a strong link between Hashi's and gluten, and that going gluten free has helped tons of people feel better. I guess I just knew how difficult it is, so I always just ignored it. I had done crossfit and paleo for a few months and it was so hard to adjust, and I honestly did get discouraged when I was actually gaining weight, even though I am sure it was probably because of muscle gain and I still wasn't watching my portions. 

 

I always thought that someday I would have this huge epiphany, some life defining moment where I would go enough is enough and trumpets blaring declare to make a change and stick to it and never look back. Well, it didn't really happen that way. I just kind of over the last few months have realized how much one thing can effect the other and owned up to the fact that a lot of my issues I am having are a domino effect of my horrible relationship with food. It also helps to know that whether I lose the weight or not is not a proviso of the love the person I am with has for me. I can truly feel like I am actually doing this for me this time and because I know I will feel better physically, rather than to increase my worth. 

 

I started changing my eating habits officially on 6/26. I am watching what I eat and how much of it, mostly paleo and all gluten free. I had stopped drinking soda, a big one for me, about 3 months ago. I gave up my daily 12oz sugar loaded red bull that I thought I couldn't live without on 6/23. Can't say I really miss it. I have been trying to be more active just in my daily life by walking more but I need to start stepping that up too. My plan right now has been to plan ahead my meals on Sunday and pre-cook what I can. Then I want to start walking or biking after or before dinner with the kids. I plan to get back into the gym too, but probably just a few days a week starting out because I would really like to just add back in things I enjoy that keep me active such as kayaking and tennis. I was always very active and I know just getting back into those things will give me a good boost. I am currently down 6lbs in just over a week. 

 

Anyway, I know I said I would try to keep it short but I promise you it could have been much longer. Hoping that I can keep my head in the right place and stick around for a bit!

 

 

[UndergroundSusie]

Hi! I'm also the momma of two boys! I'm new here too. We can do this! 

[Guzzi]

Hey, welcome on board. 

 

Im so sad to hear your story, it sounds like you've had a really rough time. I can totally sympathise, I've had terrible body image ever since puberty, when I went from being rail thin to curvy so fast I have stretch marks! My brother, encouraged by my stepfather, called me Thunder Thighs. A particularly cruel thing to say to a young girl who already suffered self esteem issues. Oh, and btw I was 5"7 and probably somewhere around 120-130lbs.  

 

Recently I saw photos of myself taken on holiday when I was 21. I remember posing for the photo and trying to hide my "fat legs". Looking at it now, it's ludicrous that I felt that way, I was so slim! I've spent so much of my life wishing I looked different, weighed less, was slimmer. What a waste of energy! 

 

Anyway, have you found your way around? Have you read about the challenges and the guilds?

 

There's a new challenge starting on the 17th, if you read UndergroundSuzi's intro thread you'll read all about it there. My phone is playing up and it saves me typing the same thing out again.  

 

[AmerlioratingAirwrecka]

I got the thunder thighs thing a lot from my brother, too. Even when I was super skinny I always had thick thighs and a butt, which I guess these days is something to look forward to 

 

Anyway I am trying to figure things out, that was one thing I didn't really understand was WHEN exactly the challenges start. Also, I am really already cutting out all the junk from my diet, drinking a ton of water, taking my vitamins. Not sure I have anything food related I can add to my challenge?  I will probably just do something like getting up earlier, keeping up with housework and sticking to the gym in some capacity. It's really hard fitting stuff like that in when I work full time with a 2hr roundtrip commute and two kids to tend to, but I think the challenge will push me to find the time. Does that seem like what people will typically do? I assume it is not necessary to have a challenge from each category? 

[AmerlioratingAirwrecka]

Also, planning to start out with Rebels (kinda funny because the CF I went to was CF rebels!) I am thinking Adventurer sounds the most like me out of any of the Guilds, but not sure I am extreme enough? I don't rock climb or sky dive, but I do spend a good amount of time outdoors (FL girl) kayaking, fishing, camping, traveling, theme parks/roller coasters and such. Seems adventurous for a frumpy mom anyway. Don't want to make a fool of myself trying to hang with base jumpers and tight rope walkers haha. 

[Guzzi]

There are challenge "rules" Here but of course they're just guidelines really, you can make your challenge about whatever you want. 

 

What i would say is that if you could use the things that you are already trying to do. You said "My plan right now has been to plan ahead my meals on Sunday and pre-cook what I can. Then I want to start walking or biking after or before dinner with the kids. I plan to get back into the gym too"

 

That sounds like some good challenge goals right there! You can also include your goal of eating clean. They don't have to be brand new changes, they can be things that you want to do better or do more of. 

 

My advice is to have a scoring system rather that just achieve/fail.  *hold on, I've typed this out before, let me go and copy it. Be warned, my fonts will go wonky, lol!*  

 

 

[Guzzi]

Don't worry about that! There are Rangers of every level and ability. Heck when I first joined I was a Ranger and I was an absolute weakling! I was recovering from a major accident and being able to deadlift 20kg (the empty bar!) was an achievement!  

 

You will fit in fine, I promise! 

 

Its suggested that you do your first challenge as a Rebel, just so you can get the hang of it (and so they can keep track of the new people and give them help or support if they need it). 

 

BrB I'm off to find that post..

[Guzzi]

Here it is!!! Though I probably would have been faster just typing it out, lol!  

 

Why not think of your goals as something to achieve each day, rather than a pass/fail for the week.

 

That way every day you complete your goal is a success but you don't feel like you've blown the whole thing if you do slip up. At the end of the week you can score yourself as XX out of 7. Or you could have a point system. Every day you achieve your goal you get a point, if you succeed every day during the week you get 3 bonus points, making a scoring system of 1-10 for the week.  Just a thought.

 

At the end of the 4 weeks you can look back and give yourself a score for the whole challenge. You could also have a reward system, if you score Xpoints you can treat yourself to *insert reward*. It could be some "me-time" away from the kids (a massage or a manicure) or that top that you've been looking at on Etsy... You get the picture. 

 

The point is to make your challenges focus on you achievements, not on failure, and to put systems in place that help you achieve your goals. It also helps if you come back and update your thread regularly. I always find the thought of admitting to everyone that I haven't done something is usually enough to make me get off my ass and go do it. It also means that other people will see you've posted and drop by, which is a boost to morale.  

[AmerlioratingAirwrecka]

Awesome, thanks for your help. I will probably need an entire new wardrobe by the time I reach my goal so I like the idea of treating myself Maybe I will just put money into a jar for clothes shopping each time!

[Guzzi]

Oooh! Good idea!