JessOfAllTrades Rises Again

[JessOfAllTrades]

I came to the rebellion at age 26. I was a graduate student just about to enter the second semester of a two year program. I was just over a year out from a period of my life where everything changed. I went from being a high school year in Texas who was deeply depressed, anxious, and struggling with self worth to others and relationships, to a grad student living closer to family and being in a healthy relationship where my demons seemed quieter. I came to the rebellion after making some major life changes that were for the better, but my physical health had taken a step back to getting my life in order mentally and emotionally.

 

So my partner introduced NF to me as we both looked to make life changes. And I've been here since, though in various states of active.

 

I'm now 30. I'm just entering my third year as an elementary school counselor. I am happier and healthier, though there have been setbacks. My depression hit me hard last year. My anxiety has slowly taken over many of my decisions in life, despite actual panic attacks having stopped for over four years now. I have picked up and dropped my workout habits, gave my diet the middle finger numerous times, and find myself struggling to commit to life changes. My work-life balance is always out of whack, as I find myself giving it all to a job that mandates I practice self-care. I work harder, not smarter, and it so is not working anymore.

 

Over these past few years I have also come to terms with my ADHD, along with my other lesser fun demons. It's no longer cute and quirky. It never was, but I used to be able to hide in that thought and put no effort towards working on it. That needs to change.

 

I have fallen in and out of love with lifting, despite loving how good it feels to be strong. I grumble about cardio despite enjoying the ability to participate in fun runs. I have lots of things I want to try but never do, like aerial silks or a grown-up rec league sport. I need to find what motivates me to get out and move, still, despite four years of trying and a lifetime of searching.

I love cooking, but quickly drop it when I get stressed or tired. Bulk cooking, pre-cooking, I appear to struggle with most tricks and tips people have for healthier eating. My partner and I are on different schedules too, but I use that excuse far too often at my own expense.

 

So here I am. Respawn number 2. I even re-did my signature a bit after having the same Rumi quote there since 2012. Now it's a new one. I took away my class because I am not ready to join a challenge. I love the challenges, but I never finish them. I will get there eventually, but for now I just want to begin a daily log again. I spilled my heart out just to give you an idea of who I am and what baggage I bring with me, like so many of us do. 

 

I have a lot of big, grand ideas. I know I'm not ready for them yet, but it's nice to dream and to begin breaking those down into tiny, smaller, attainable goals. So here's the plan for now:

Work on my head space, cook more, get moving again somehow.

 

So with that I head over to my new daily log. And I look forward to being back here again.

[Noname123]

There's a spot at the Navy Yard that does aerial silks ( and trapeeze flying!!!) You should totally do it. Tons of fun!