Raincloak Posted October 10, 2016 Report Share Posted October 10, 2016 aka: Why Raincloak doesn't have nice things (but absolutely should) Anxiety/depression has interfered with my life for ages. I've had therapy off and on. I've flunked out of school a few times (and struggled mightily to finish, though finish I did) due to procrastination and panic over homework assignments. I've drifted from one low-paying job to the next, usually broke and not very happy. Which is a lousy life for a good looking, talented and fucking brilliant human like yours truly. I was born to do great things, be great things, and love great things. But even at the mindlessly simple jobs I currently have, with light supervision, gnawing fears about my performance will not leave me alone. My brain has gotten to the point where an insult on Facespace causes me to cry for half an hour, and I'm actually missing work because I can't get it together. This is untenable. I've never had a problem with attendance before (tardiness, absolutely, but I always show up sooner or later) and I'm afraid of getting fired and ruining what little job reputation I have. I'm tired of it. I'm calling a therapist tomorrow and getting my sick brain into rehab. 1 Quote Every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future. Hylian Assassin 5'5", 143 lbs. Half-marathon: 3:02It is pitch dark. You are likely to be eaten by a grue. Link to comment
Eskcanta Posted October 10, 2016 Report Share Posted October 10, 2016 Good. I urge you to keep moving towards health, growth, well being, and your own happiness. Therapy sounds good. Continuing to try to do what you think is good for you is good. Keep posting, keep putting effort into what you believe is good for you, and good luck. 2 Quote Level 1 NPC Assassin Strength: 2 | Dexterity: 0 | Stamina: 3 | Constitution: 1 | Wisdom: 4 | Charisma: 0 Current Quest | Previous Quest | Current Stats Weight Loss Goal: 40 of 116 lbs; 296 to 180 {progress='1e90ff'}34.5{/progress} Link to comment
talesheart Posted October 12, 2016 Report Share Posted October 12, 2016 Good luck and hollers from the cheering section! I hit my breaking point last winter and finally admitted I needed meds (eeeeverything you said sounded oh-so-familiar). After 3-4 months of tweaking, I'm on a good meds regime and able to tackle the shit I let slide. Whether you end up just with talk therapy, or CBT, or meds, or whatever, you're getting help and doing good and we'll support you! And if you want advice or to whine or ask stupid questions, I'm definitely around. I'm incredibly thankful I had experienced friends around when I went on meds, because I had a lot of "Is this normal?? Can I do this??" questions. 1 Quote Link to comment
Raincloak Posted October 15, 2016 Author Report Share Posted October 15, 2016 well,e I did it. I swallowed hard and made the call. Good news is, the clinic saw me right away. Bad news is, the doc can't see me for a prescription for two and a half weeks (typical), and the first counselor available is nice but not exactly my type. I'm gonna have to keep looking for treatment options. In the meantime, there's nothing to do but tough it out at work. I won't know whether this will be easy or hard until I get to work, but maybe it will be easier now that I have admitted the problem and I know help is coming. 3 Quote Every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future. Hylian Assassin 5'5", 143 lbs. Half-marathon: 3:02It is pitch dark. You are likely to be eaten by a grue. Link to comment
Raincloak Posted October 18, 2016 Author Report Share Posted October 18, 2016 work is getting a bit easier, though still a struggle. I think admitting the problem definitely helped. Had a meeting with counselor today. She's nice, like I said, but I get the feeling she's reading to me from the wrong playbook. (It appears she is not used to treating educated professionals. I guess that's what I get for seeking public healthcare, which in this country is only for the poor.... sigh. Last week I rattled off my family history, and she asked if my mom had ever worked outside the home. I almost laughed. My mother is an attorney and an elected local official. Counselor appeared startled by this news. And, this is the important bit: everyone in my family is like that. We don't do average. The goal posts need to be set accordingly.) Quote Every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future. Hylian Assassin 5'5", 143 lbs. Half-marathon: 3:02It is pitch dark. You are likely to be eaten by a grue. Link to comment
Raincloak Posted October 28, 2016 Author Report Share Posted October 28, 2016 Off to the doc tomorrow for the medzzzz. We'll see what he recommends. Definitely getting the "cog in wheel" vibe, even more than I do for other sorts of health complaints. My providers care, God bless em, but they just clearly don't have the time (appointments are limited to half an hour, I ask you). I feel really bad for patients who are having more serious problems. Quote Every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future. Hylian Assassin 5'5", 143 lbs. Half-marathon: 3:02It is pitch dark. You are likely to be eaten by a grue. Link to comment
Salinger Posted October 30, 2016 Report Share Posted October 30, 2016 How you getting on with the meds? Quote Link to comment
Raincloak Posted November 4, 2016 Author Report Share Posted November 4, 2016 So far okay, thanks for asking. Only been on for a few days, but I think I'm feeling more initiative. Still getting anxious/depressed thoughts but they seem a little less painful. The dose ramps up after a week so we'll see how that goes. Quote Every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future. Hylian Assassin 5'5", 143 lbs. Half-marathon: 3:02It is pitch dark. You are likely to be eaten by a grue. Link to comment
Raincloak Posted November 5, 2016 Author Report Share Posted November 5, 2016 Now I have a new problem: mild insomnia. I hear this is a pretty common side effect and it should go away soon. It better. I hate not getting enough sleep. Quote Every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future. Hylian Assassin 5'5", 143 lbs. Half-marathon: 3:02It is pitch dark. You are likely to be eaten by a grue. Link to comment
Raincloak Posted November 19, 2016 Author Report Share Posted November 19, 2016 Still waking up regularly 4 hours after lights out, it's almost like clockwork now. Fortunately I seem to have gotten better at going back to sleep afterwards. I complained of the side effects and said I wanted to take an extra week before increasing the dose, and the doc said that was fine. So it's been just three days on the regular dose. overall mood is still more "up" than it was before I started the meds, but anxiety hasn't improved. When I complained about it, they gave me a new drug for short-term anxiety relief (it's "take as needed"). Haven't tried that one yet but I might give it a shot before I have to do something terrifying, such as job applications. They said depression can lighten up within 7 days on the med but anxiety takes up to 6 weeks to go away ... hmmm. I had a clean medical file for so long, and now I'm bummed it's going to be full of words like "depressive disorder" and "panic attack." (I don't exactly have panic attacks but I described a recent emotional breakdown to the counselor and that's what they wrote down...) Oh well. Refusing to ask for help wasn't getting me anywhere, so I'm gonna keep trusting the pros and seeing what happens with this. Quote Every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future. Hylian Assassin 5'5", 143 lbs. Half-marathon: 3:02It is pitch dark. You are likely to be eaten by a grue. Link to comment
Raincloak Posted December 7, 2016 Author Report Share Posted December 7, 2016 Work this week is brutal. Getting new tougher assignments and time pressure to complete them, which brings up all those fun (not fun) panic issues. All the deep breathing in the world could not soothe ne today. I think I'm just gonna be proud of myself for sitting there and working, because that was really hard and I managed not to cry or run away. Quote Every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future. Hylian Assassin 5'5", 143 lbs. Half-marathon: 3:02It is pitch dark. You are likely to be eaten by a grue. Link to comment
Raincloak Posted December 17, 2016 Author Report Share Posted December 17, 2016 Sleep problem has not resolved. And I'm depressed again, despite the meds. Dangit. Hopefully the past week, which was very sad, was just a bump in the road, but I think some adjustments may need to be made. patience, Raincloak. This is a process. It takes time. Just keep taking steps. Quote Every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future. Hylian Assassin 5'5", 143 lbs. Half-marathon: 3:02It is pitch dark. You are likely to be eaten by a grue. Link to comment
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