The first step in respawning is … ask for help?

[Good Row G]

I’m a full time working mom with a great life.  Except that it’s too full of absolutely immovable stress.  And my health is getting away from me.  I’ve never been heavier.  Not at a problematic place now, I like some of what I see in the mirror.  But my clothes don’t fit and I feel off track.  I get to the gym pretty frequently, and am pretty strong, but have no clear goal there either.

The only important background I need to share is the dark cloud on the horizon.  In a family full of life threatening auto-immune issues, seems like I’m no exception.  One the one hand I feel like a Viking warrior, big, powerful, and capable of any task.  Which I know because I do physical things I’m proud of all the time, like hopping on the rowing machine and knocking out 10,000m in 45 minutes or painting the bathroom on a free Sunday.  On the other, for lack of a better classification, my doc calls what I have “mild lupus” and it’s clearly getting worse.  Minor colds last for weeks on end.  The least stress makes me break out in hives.  So I’m in hives almost every day, to a greater or lesser amount.  This is especially true when I restrict my eating and drinking.  I need relaxation, it’s too often in the form of a cookie and a beer in front of the TV.  Which is usually the high point of my day.

So what do I do?  I could go on and on about what I can’t or don’t want to do: restrictive dieting, hate the elliptical machine, love the treadmill but it’s not treating me well.  Want to get into HIIT workouts, but the ones I’ve tried kicked my ass.  I will try again soon.

Small change has too often turned into no change, and now at 200 lbs with limited time in my schedule, it seems like every path is blocked.  Over the years, feels like I've tried everything with mixed results.  At the stage I'm at now, I NEED more time to myself, and more fun.  So the idea of taking away the little flexibility and joy I have doesn’t seem good.

I need a plan, and it’s got to be positive.  I need to be adding happiness.  But it needs to be clear and specific, something I can remember when I sit down at a dinner I worked hard to make that everyone could enjoy and need to self-regulate portion size.  Or when I'm sitting in the car outside the gym at my lunch hour.

I’m at a total loss.  Any ideas?  Thanks for any thoughts you have for me!

[Raincloak]

HIIT is supposed to kick your ass.  That's why they call it "high intensity."  Keep trying it.  (You're supposed to do it in short bursts, hence "interval."  If it's a 60 minute suffer fest you're doing it wrong.)

 

Exercise time can be "me time" if you want it to be.  Pick activities that are fun for you and make time for them, like you would for anything important.  If that means streamlining dinner, sneaking in a couple minutes of movement here and there throughout the day, getting up 15 minutes early, working out in front of the tv, or delegating chores, then so be it. Your health is worth it.